Torn between Asperger's or Borderline Personality Disorder.

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You probably won't read this based on how long it's taken me to reply, but:

The reason I suspect BPD, is why I get angry. I get angry because criticism makes me feel like I'm being personally attacked, even though logically I know I'm not. I get angry because I feel like a constant, aching, open wound, that I've built my Life around trying to dissociate from. Criticism, no matter how justified, feels like a knife you use to flay the skin from my open wound.

As far as I know, people with Asperger's get more angry with themselves, because they have to design a 'system' to co-habit with people; Criticism means that system is not working. So they need to re-design it yet again, when they thought they finally had it. Not because they feel like the criticism is a personal attack they need to protect themselves from. [Unless I'm wrong on that account.]



True. But that was something I had to work on, because it was a weakness. And I don't like weaknesses in myself because they can be used against me. I still experience the slightest feelings of panic if someone doesn't text, or call, me back fast enough. Or if they don't respond the way I thought and expected they would. It's a battle still, but at least now it's a manageable one.



Which is exactly why I'll have to see specialists trained in both, to be sure. The fact is, I'm a 23 yr. old Woman who is emotionally volatile, is not an excellent communicator, and has never had a relationship last more than 2 years without them ending in a fight. Asperger's, BPD or not, I'm going to be considered for both by any psychiatrist. I just hope it's not actually BPD or else it's going to suck...

In my opinion this sounds all, BPD, my sistser has borderline, i have level 1 autism, im going to state some differences between our simularities, i hope this helps

Similarities: Cannot read body language
My Sister: beleives everyones face and body language is hostile, thinks everyone is angry at her or out to get her
Me: doesn't pick up on any body language or facial expression cues. forgets other people have emotions

Similarities: short lived friendships
My sister: puts herself in a situation that she cannot trust anyone, manipulates people and takes advantage of them to get what she wants, doesn't do anything in return for people.
Me; does not understand social roles, i cling to people and they leave, sometimes described as too vulgar, rude, or obsessive

Similarity: impulse.
My Sister: shoplifts, cheats on boyfrined, had a baby by choice at the age of 18, buys expensive items, asks for things without thinking of consiquences
Me; blurts out swears, gives strangers the middle finger, bites, hits self and others, throws objects

Similarities; Rage & meltdowns
My sister: After not getting what she wants, feeling a large amount of injustice or feeling people 'gang up on her' she goes into a fit of rage, smashing items, swearing, insulting, threatning, and self harm NEVER HAPPENS ALONE
Me: after a overload of emotions,change in routine, loss of control or inability to communicate will go into a fit of rage, throwing objects, screaming nonsense, hitting self and anything in my path, bites self, HAPPENS ALONE OR AROUND PEOPLE

Similarity: self image
My sister: hates herself, believes she's worthless, ugly and not worth anything, self harms to feel better however spends a lot of time on her looks, hours on her make up and hair.
Me: not aware of myself half the time, unsure, fascination in pictures, mirrors and vidoes of self, does not care about self image, rarely brushes hair.


Heres just some key symptoms of the two

Borderline Personality Disorder
- Rage
- Self loathing
- suicide or self harm
- Manipulates others
- Impulsive
- Distrust of others
- Developed later in life (late childhood or teen years)
- Defence mechanism
MENTAL ILLNESS: following MUDA:
Maladaptive
Unjustifiable
Disturbing
Atypical


Autism Spectrum disorder
- Inability or great difficulty initiating social interaction and communicating
- Sensory Sensitivities
-Obsessions, Repetitive Behaviour, Routines and ritualistic
- Executive functioning Issues
- Developed by 18months old
NEUROLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY

In my opinion this sounds all, BPD, my sistser has borderline, i have level 1 autism, im going to state some differences between our simularities, i hope this helps

Similarities: Cannot read body language
My Sister: beleives everyones face and body language is hostile, thinks everyone is angry at her or out to get her
Me: doesn't pick up on any body language or facial expression cues. forgets other people have emotions

Similarities: short lived friendships
My sister: puts herself in a situation that she cannot trust anyone, manipulates people and takes advantage of them to get what she wants, doesn't do anything in return for people.
Me; does not understand social roles, i cling to people and they leave, sometimes described as too vulgar, rude, or obsessive

Similarity: impulse.
My Sister: shoplifts, cheats on boyfrined, had a baby by choice at the age of 18, buys expensive items, asks for things without thinking of consiquences
Me; blurts out swears, gives strangers the middle finger, bites, hits self and others, throws objects

Similarities; Rage & meltdowns
My sister: After not getting what she wants, feeling a large amount of injustice or feeling people 'gang up on her' she goes into a fit of rage, smashing items, swearing, insulting, threatning, and self harm NEVER HAPPENS ALONE
Me: after a overload of emotions,change in routine, loss of control or inability to communicate will go into a fit of rage, throwing objects, screaming nonsense, hitting self and anything in my path, bites self, HAPPENS ALONE OR AROUND PEOPLE

Similarity: self image
My sister: hates herself, believes she's worthless, ugly and not worth anything, self harms to feel better however spends a lot of time on her looks, hours on her make up and hair.
Me: not aware of myself half the time, unsure, fascination in pictures, mirrors and vidoes of self, does not care about self image, rarely brushes hair.


Heres just some key symptoms of the two

Borderline Personality Disorder
- Rage
- Self loathing
- suicide or self harm
- Manipulates others
- Impulsive
- Distrust of others
- Developed later in life (late childhood or teen years)
- Defence mechanism
MENTAL ILLNESS: following MUDA:
Maladaptive
Unjustifiable
Disturbing
Atypical


Autism Spectrum disorder
- Inability or great difficulty initiating social interaction and communicating
- Sensory Sensitivities
-Obsessions, Repetitive Behaviour, Routines and ritualistic
- Executive functioning Issues
- Developed by 18months old
NEUROLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY

For s**ts and giggles, when I had a shrink appointment, I asked what does it take to get a BPD diagnosis.

The things you did not bring up are repeated interactions with the police/mental health and self harming behavior.

Where I live, he only diagnosis BPD if the person has had multiple emergency room/psych hospitalizations for depression/self harming/suicide attempts/dealings with the police attempts after a relationship with a person fails. This includes family members.

So my boyfriend left... as a final last ditch effort I take 500 Motrin and call him. I cut/burn (whatever) and show up on his door step. I get into my car and drive it into a tree after a major fight with my husband. Mom let me down again so I carved up my arms. Mom says I'm a hassle, so I shop lift and get caught to show her what a true hassle is.

Raging at the offending person isn't the only thing, many psychiatric disorders have the crap relationship/rage aspect to them. It's the self injurious behavior after the event to manipulate the other person back into your good gracious.

The fact you are 23, manipulative, rage and haven't haven't had a relationship in 2 years (this is what you wrote), well....there are boat loads of people like that. It could be OCDP, ODD, narcissistic personality disorder...also BPD people do not realize their is an issue "with them". They don't work on themselves for perceived weaknesses, because it the problem squarely rests with the other person. Not them.

"I wouldn't have OD, if people would let me do what I want. When I cut, I tell my boyfriend the scars on my arms are all the times he failed me." I heard variations of that from people with BPD in group therapy.

I know the written word is a poor thing for communicating unseen emotion. Maybe you are like that. You've had multiple suicide attempts or self injure after fights/issues whatever with your family and other people.

I scrolled back (on the mobile), the hair pulling, while not terrific isn't to the level of self injury the psychiatrists are looking for. You stopped because your parents were scared. A 16 year old with BPD would have pulled out half the hair on her head after the next big fight. She would have tried burning her hair off her head to prove a point.
My roommate in the nut bin drank bleach (FFS) because her boyfriend went to a titty bar. She also torched his work truck before drinking the bleach.

Also, there isn't any good effective treatment for BPD. It's all CBT or DBT which is the gold standard treatment, and insurance drags their feet to pay. You might get pills for the depression/anxiety, but that doesn't cure the BPD. That is why psychiatrist really drag their feet on a BPD diagnosis. Insurance says there isn't any easy effective treatment, so why should they pay?

Curious what your final diagnosis winds up being. I hope you get some piece of mind with it.

Glad you are searching for answers. No one should bounce through life miserable.