How to Outsmart a Sociopath

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My life was made a living hell in Junior High thanks to someone I can confidently say is a sociopath (as is his father). It took me a VERY long time to say that because as Nerdygirl said they are absolute experts at making YOU out to be the crazy one. I was always bullied but this little $@#% made an entire army, both at school at in baseball during the summer follow him like Hitler and do absolutely horrific acts for him, the kind of things that would get decent, ordinary people arrested as adults. I spend many long years wondering how he fooled everyone (even me as he pretended to be my friend just so he and his father could get close enough to sink the daggers in) until I realize he is really, really good at what he does. I don't know whether he believes his own lies or not but he went on to a successful career in commissioned sales and continues to fool everyone.

Trying to outsmart a sociopath is like trying to take out a MMA fighter in a street fight. You don't have a chance and won't know what hit you. If I were to take revenge on him, all that would happen is that *I* would be branded the sociopath and him the innocent victim. He was (and is) a pro at turning the tables and making everyone believe white is black.

I think we should give the OP credit in recognizing that something is wrong with his/her mom. My own mother is seriously mentally ill and I came to full terms with this when I was 9 or 10. No one seemed to believe me when I tried to talk about how she was. I now know that they did believe us, they just didn't want to take action against her. So I believe the OP when (s)he says that (s)he suspects his/her mom is a sociopath.

OP-we don't know your gender. It might help if you told us what it was so we could refer to you easier.

Anyway. At 12, there really isn't much you can do. Do you live with her? Or do you have required visits with her? I would try to minimize time with her and to keep her as docile as possible when you are around her. This is going to sound awful, but I suggest thinking of her like a small child or an animal- someone who doesn't have the full faculties that you do and can't be held to the same standards that you hold yourself. Your dog is going to try to take advantage of you, exploit your weakness, and eat up all the dog food in the kitchen, right? Think of your mom the same way. Just keep your defenses up. Don't think of her as a normal adult. Don't bother trying to make her self-aware. She won't believe you or care. It wouldn't do any good. Would it help your dog to tell him he's a dog? No. He'll always be a dog.

When you're old enough, get a job or volunteer somewhere, just so you can stay out of the house. Or join an interest based club. Do you like a book series or video game? Spend your time doing that and then when you're old enough use that interest to do things away from home.

Sociopaths are not by definition "smart". They can be of below average or average intelligence as well. The difference is, the intelligent ones are more sophisticated at their manipulation and lies, and are better able to fool people.

But once again, someone who lies and manipulates and seems to lack empathy is not necessarily a sociopath. Narcissistic personality disorder can seem very similar to sociopathy, and so can others. It's very important to differentiate between these disorders because the best way to handle the situation will differ depending on the disorder.

You must first be certain of what you are dealing with before you attempt to "outsmart" this person. Otherwise the consequences could be worse.

I don't doubt her/his mom is abusive. I am just skeptical about the word is all and not all abusers are sociopaths. It could be anything. Her mother could be a narcissistic, she could have some kind of mental illness, she could have BPD.

That's a good point. I mean, the description of "sociopath" gives us an idea of what kind of person the OP is referring to, but unless someone diagnosed the mom, we can't know if that's really what's going on.

I have a lot of Sociopathic friends, and even a few Psychopathic friends. We've known each other for almost 20 years, (we attended the same school) and we've been one upping each other for as long as I can remember, probably even from day one. I am very familiar with their games, and the kinds shenanigans they often pull...

So you want to outsmart them, huh? I assume by outsmart, you mean to get them to drop their mask, and reveal their true nature to other people?

Easier said than done. No, really, it's very difficulty.

Often the first and most important step, is to find out what kind of Sociopath it is that you're dealing with, unless you know that, then you're not going to get very.

Sociopathy is a lot like Autism; Both are incorrectly stereotyped to such a degree that the sheer level of ignorance is harrowing. Although Sociopathy was often poorly researched (unlike Autism), information that was once only made available from incarcerated criminals, is now more readily available from willing volunteers who are just as interested in learning more about their "condition" as people with Autism are interested in theirs.

Once you know what kind your dealing with, your next step should be to find out what motivates them, what their greatest aspiration is. For us, it's most often the desire to make a connection and communicate with other people. With Sociopaths, it's usually to appease their overwhelming sense of boredom with an unending source of diversions. As such, given the somewhat spoiled, and lazy nature of modern Sociopaths, simply putting a dam on all the sources of their diversions is an excellent way to anger them, and initiate mask slippage.

What are the typical sources of diversion?

It depends on the age of the Sociopath. Those that were born 30-40+ years ago are most like to derive most of their pleasure from social manipulation, whereas a Sociopath who is under 30 years old is more likely to get the majority of their pleasure from watching television, playing computer games, and engaging in a wide variety of activities and various hobbies.

Most of the Sociopaths I know are around the same age as me, and each of them owns some kind of personal computer (either a laptop or a tower), at least one kind of gaming console, and has somewhere in the regions of half a dozen, to well over three dozen different activities/hobbies. Most are reasonably good at manipulating others, only some fit the stereotyped level of manipulation, though only a small few are actually capable of going through with it without suffering any kind of guilt or remorse. Some are so bad at manipulating others, almost all there effort goes into not coming off as a whiny woman/man child. The rest are about as capable as you'd expect your average Neuraltypical to be in those kinds of social situations.

That should be enough for now, I don't want to make this post too long.

Yes, In the past she has.
Yes, to I have adults I can trust.
Yes, my Father and Step-Mother know.
My, Sister has rather I agree with it or not.

GiantHockeyFan, I feel for you. It is surreal to meet these people, who turn black into white and have a whole freaking army of blindmen playing tricks for them. The truth about these people is so sickening that people rather believe in a lie, e.g. Bill Cosby.

Pieplup, I can't comment on whether she is a sociopath or not, but generally speaking you outsmart a sociopath every time you don't drop to their level, even though they very much would like to drag everyone down with them. And that is because they can't get up.

I think it was some wise human who answered, when asked, why he allowed people to mock him: If someone hands you a present, and you don't want to take it but politely refuse, who then is left with the present?

Thank you for answering.

I'm glad that you have adults you feel you can trust...that is very valuable.

Can you clarify....did your mother stop abusing you? - or - is she still abusing you?

The thing about psychopaths is they're very good at convincing other people that they're not psychopaths. They are master manipulators. The best thing to do is avoid them if you can. If you must deal with a psychopath, I would suggest pointing out psychopathic tendencies to other people who are in a position to help you. Does this person lie to get what they want? Do they exploit and manipulate you? Do they seem emotionally shallow? You also must realize that simply being mean to you doesn't make someone a psychopath. Psychopathy is a specific mental disorder that causes people to act in a certain way.

I have had the misfortune of running into a few psychopaths, and as a result I have developed a very good psycho-radar. I can tell when I'm dealing with a psychopath, when I'm dealing with a narcissist, etc. Psychopaths really are the enemies of aspies. They are master manipulators and we are easily manipulated. When the two mix, things can get really ugly, and unfortunately, psychopaths are so good at manipulating not just aspies, but everyone else around them, that those people usually don't see through their tactics and end up rallying to the psychopath's side.

Well, she kind of gave me and my brother up to go on vacation. Therefore, She is not. Though she tries.

I heard you can catch a psychopathic murderer by flattering them, like by telling them that the murder was just so brilliantly planned, and that you, the perpetrator's inferior, can never comprehend how such a brilliant thing was carried out. You then play stupid and go through the details of the murder in a way that gets things wrong and makes it look like you have no earthly idea what you are doing. This might bait the murderer into "correcting" you with details that only the murderer would know, as they, the brilliant schemer, cannot bear to be in the company of an inferior such as thou.

I don't know good the sociopaths. But i know they are all manipulators and i know a lot of manipulators.

Manipulators mainly use your sensitivity and they are happy to do that. So no use proving them they are manipulators. It is, for them, the "normal" and "clever" way to do. They are also draining your energy and make you feel guilty...

Also, know that you will NEVER change them or make them confess anything.

It is highly difficult to deal with those people and you have all my encouragements.
The best advice is to escape or take as much distance as possible (physical and mind distance).
Concentrate on yourself, drive your energy on your objectives, your future.
You have all my support and understanding.

I don't even know what to say.
So she left you and your brother alone? to fend for yourselves?
WTF?!?!?!

Would living with your father be better?

My sister's problem is she tries to change and tries to hug me against my will.. My mother has real issues she has some issues she does things like lie in public.. She also hates to admit she has a issue, with touching. She does and she won't admit she has a problem, she needs comfort, and I can't give it.. She has a lot of depression, but not quite like I experience it. She tries to trigger me to, and the tries to make me be someone who I'm not, the Problem is, that I'm not going to act for her, if she wants a friend get a friend she bugs me, for that reason, she is one of those Temper types, She backhands me to the point of breaking my glasses!

Start recording what she does, a sociopathic type of person would likely drop their act when they're in the privacy of their own home. They'll have hard time trying to twist a video of them abusing you into something harmless or them being the victim.