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How can I prepare myself for a miserable sexless lonely life

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auntblabby
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01 Mar 2016, 3:00 am

^^^thank you :) as a school-age child I was dx'ed variously [by different school shrinks] as schizotypal or schizoid, was suggested I be institutionalized but my parents could not afford it, so I was put in special ed instead.



ASPartOfMe
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01 Mar 2016, 3:21 am

auntblabby wrote:
^^^thank you :) as a school-age child I was dx'ed variously [by different school shrinks] as schizotypal or schizoid, was suggested I be institutionalized but my parents could not afford it, so I was put in special ed instead.


After seeing a few shrinks in 3rd and 4th grade the next shrink I saw was in 2013 who diagnosed me with ASD. What happened after second grade was not something I or anybody talked or wrote about until 2013. It was considered shameful to see a shrink


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auntblabby
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01 Mar 2016, 3:37 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^thank you :) as a school-age child I was dx'ed variously [by different school shrinks] as schizotypal or schizoid, was suggested I be institutionalized but my parents could not afford it, so I was put in special ed instead.


After seeing a few shrinks in 3rd and 4th grade the next shrink I saw was in 2013 who diagnosed me with ASD. What happened after second grade was not something I or anybody talked or wrote about until 2013. It was considered shameful to see a shrink

I hope you are not ashamed now, nothing to be ashamed about AFAIC. I've seen more shrinks in my life than most people. they made the difference between me taking a short walk on a long pier versus a long walk off a short pier.



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01 Mar 2016, 4:52 am

dmack18 wrote:
Okay I have asperges and I hate it. So much so that I generally don't like being around autistic people (although I do have some friends with autism ironically) but in general I pretty much don't like autistic people. I find them annoying and repulsive. It's because I hate Austism.

My past was never good with aspergers never knew how to fit in and didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I annoyed or creeped the f**k out of people that every kid hated me and in high school I used to get made fun of by lower class men and I didn't have friends or date of even kissed a girl or even went to a single party in high school. Prom night for me was spent watching the Yankees

Either way I hate aspergers because I don't know how to react socially or how to function in a social environment and I often say things that either offends or scares people and in 2015 alone I lost my job and was kicked out of a college class because of it

I often offend people and I have put myself in dangerous situations before where I said or did something to someone that pissed them off however luckily each time the people could tell there was something wrong with me and didn't do anything to me

Now I hate autism because when I was 18 I went to an autistic support group and the people were all over 25 and they were the most pathetic people on earth. I mean talking about the holacaust at a funeral is less depprising than these people.

They all had no friends and were just as clueless socially as I am right now. I always imagined my future would be better and I would be married by there age but no all these people have never been in a realtionship before and have never even been kissed. I can't believe this is what I have to look forward to a sad miserable f*****g life like those people.

I mean the guy who ran it would tell me oh there successful they live alone, drive cars, have college degrees and work full time jobs but I don't give a s**t I still think there pathetic losers and I would never want to end up like them and they are completely worthless and have no value in life

Literally if the people in that group cured cancer, ended conflict in the Middle East, ended human trafficking and child labor in Asia and ended poverty, hunger and AIDS in Africa I still would not want to end up like them. He would always tell me to hang out with them like no I would rather hang out with Isis than them

So I hate autism because I will never have friends or have sex or have a girlfriend and I hate seeing all other autistic people on how we die sad lonely virgins. Literally I think if mothers find out there baby is going to be autistic they should abort it. So either way ya I guess I am afraid of my future So ya


I wish you luck my friend. [offensive generalization removed] You have a long road ahead of you and I wish I could help you out,I really do feel for you my brother. My condolences to you.


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Last edited by Adamantium on 01 Mar 2016, 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Multiple complaints about offensive generalization.

smudge
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01 Mar 2016, 6:50 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
smudge wrote:
ZombieBrideXD wrote:
Autism likes to beat me down a lot..

Heres my advice:
You will NEVER function as a complete Non-autistic... its impossible, even if you pass to the extreme there will still be meltdowns, burnouts, shutdowns and you will ALWAYS have problems feeling the same mental rewards that Non autistic's get when socializing, A change in schedual will ALWAYS be hard, sometimes it gets easier but it will ALWAYS be a challenge

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AUTISTIC

But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.


The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


Why should other minorities get respect and accomendations but not autistics? Why are most human relationships expected to be a "two way street" but autistics are expected to try and be 100 percent typical all the time?. Do you know of any behavoiral therapies that are considered the "gold standard" where it is recommended from 25-40 hours a week LBGTQ people are taught to act straight?, any Behavorial therapies considered "gold standard" where if you are black they want you to start at 18 months of age so you can be indistinguishable from your white peers?


Exactly.


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01 Mar 2016, 11:28 am

goldfish21 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
smudge wrote:
ZombieBrideXD wrote:
But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.


The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


Why should other minorities get respect and accomendations but not autistics? Why are most human relationships expected to be a "two way street" but autistics are expected to try and be 100 percent typical all the time?. Do you know of any behavoiral therapies that are considered the "gold standard" where it is recommended from 25-40 hours a week LBGTQ people are taught to act straight?, any Behavorial therapies considered "gold standard" where if you are black they want you to start at 18 months of age so you can be indistinguishable from your white peers?


It's really pretty simple. As was stated above, the world isn't going to change to accomodate disabled people. Disabled people have to do their best to adapt. Period.

It's the same with my deaf friends. The rest of the world isn't going to learn sign language in order to communicate with them. Instead, they have to wear hearing aids and learn to lip read in order to communicate with the hearing world. Similarly, autistics have to do whatever works for them in order to fit into the social world as best as possible.


You are forgetting that the world has accommodations for the disabled, thus it would seem to make more sense that societies do change to accommodate disabled people and disabled people have to do their best to adapt to the world around them. But I disagree with the notion that its all on us and society should never lift a finger to accommodate people with disadvantages.


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Sweetleaf
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01 Mar 2016, 11:33 am

DonTrump wrote:
dmack18 wrote:
Okay I have asperges and I hate it. So much so that I generally don't like being around autistic people (although I do have some friends with autism ironically) but in general I pretty much don't like autistic people. I find them annoying and repulsive. It's because I hate Austism.

My past was never good with aspergers never knew how to fit in and didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I annoyed or creeped the f**k out of people that every kid hated me and in high school I used to get made fun of by lower class men and I didn't have friends or date of even kissed a girl or even went to a single party in high school. Prom night for me was spent watching the Yankees

Either way I hate aspergers because I don't know how to react socially or how to function in a social environment and I often say things that either offends or scares people and in 2015 alone I lost my job and was kicked out of a college class because of it

I often offend people and I have put myself in dangerous situations before where I said or did something to someone that pissed them off however luckily each time the people could tell there was something wrong with me and didn't do anything to me

Now I hate autism because when I was 18 I went to an autistic support group and the people were all over 25 and they were the most pathetic people on earth. I mean talking about the holacaust at a funeral is less depprising than these people.

They all had no friends and were just as clueless socially as I am right now. I always imagined my future would be better and I would be married by there age but no all these people have never been in a realtionship before and have never even been kissed. I can't believe this is what I have to look forward to a sad miserable f*****g life like those people.

I mean the guy who ran it would tell me oh there successful they live alone, drive cars, have college degrees and work full time jobs but I don't give a s**t I still think there pathetic losers and I would never want to end up like them and they are completely worthless and have no value in life

Literally if the people in that group cured cancer, ended conflict in the Middle East, ended human trafficking and child labor in Asia and ended poverty, hunger and AIDS in Africa I still would not want to end up like them. He would always tell me to hang out with them like no I would rather hang out with Isis than them

So I hate autism because I will never have friends or have sex or have a girlfriend and I hate seeing all other autistic people on how we die sad lonely virgins. Literally I think if mothers find out there baby is going to be autistic they should abort it. So either way ya I guess I am afraid of my future So ya


I wish you luck my friend. [offensive generalization removed] You have a long road ahead of you and I wish I could help you out,I really do feel for you my brother. My condolences to you.


Except most males aren't particularly 'desperate for sex' per say....Also I guess you never get to deal with the problem of being led on/used for sex and then dropped. :roll: What you think all these desperate for sex guys who'll sleep with anything they can put their dick in are going to actually form relationships with all these aspie chicks?


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smudge
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01 Mar 2016, 12:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
smudge wrote:
ZombieBrideXD wrote:
But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.


The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


Why should other minorities get respect and accomendations but not autistics? Why are most human relationships expected to be a "two way street" but autistics are expected to try and be 100 percent typical all the time?. Do you know of any behavoiral therapies that are considered the "gold standard" where it is recommended from 25-40 hours a week LBGTQ people are taught to act straight?, any Behavorial therapies considered "gold standard" where if you are black they want you to start at 18 months of age so you can be indistinguishable from your white peers?


It's really pretty simple. As was stated above, the world isn't going to change to accomodate disabled people. Disabled people have to do their best to adapt. Period.

It's the same with my deaf friends. The rest of the world isn't going to learn sign language in order to communicate with them. Instead, they have to wear hearing aids and learn to lip read in order to communicate with the hearing world. Similarly, autistics have to do whatever works for them in order to fit into the social world as best as possible.


You are forgetting that the world has accommodations for the disabled, thus it would seem to make more sense that societies do change to accommodate disabled people and disabled people have to do their best to adapt to the world around them. But I disagree with the notion that its all on us and society should never lift a finger to accommodate people with disadvantages.


Nobody said that.


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01 Mar 2016, 12:42 pm

Autism is primarily a social disability and the reality is there is only so much you can do to accommodate that, it's not like a missing limb or visual/hearing impairment. It's a disability people cannot see, we're neither intellectually or physically limited so their is just a view of judgement cast down upon us constantly. People are much less sympathetic.



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01 Mar 2016, 12:58 pm

smudge wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
smudge wrote:
ZombieBrideXD wrote:
But you are a HUMAN... and just because these problems are here, they are YOUR problems, not the world. The World should not compensate for your problems and it never will.


The bolded bit is not true. Why should autistics overcompensate and be forced to experience meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overloads on almost a daily basis just because it suits everyone else? What about disability discrimination? Why the flying F*CK should it mean we should suffer and put up with everyone mistreating us in ignorance because we're disabled? Well f*ck that. The world should be f*cking more accommodating. We're not owed sex or relationships, but we deserve respect and recognition.


Why should other minorities get respect and accomendations but not autistics? Why are most human relationships expected to be a "two way street" but autistics are expected to try and be 100 percent typical all the time?. Do you know of any behavoiral therapies that are considered the "gold standard" where it is recommended from 25-40 hours a week LBGTQ people are taught to act straight?, any Behavorial therapies considered "gold standard" where if you are black they want you to start at 18 months of age so you can be indistinguishable from your white peers?


It's really pretty simple. As was stated above, the world isn't going to change to accomodate disabled people. Disabled people have to do their best to adapt. Period.

It's the same with my deaf friends. The rest of the world isn't going to learn sign language in order to communicate with them. Instead, they have to wear hearing aids and learn to lip read in order to communicate with the hearing world. Similarly, autistics have to do whatever works for them in order to fit into the social world as best as possible.


You are forgetting that the world has accommodations for the disabled, thus it would seem to make more sense that societies do change to accommodate disabled people and disabled people have to do their best to adapt to the world around them. But I disagree with the notion that its all on us and society should never lift a finger to accommodate people with disadvantages.


Nobody said that.


Than what does 'the world isn't going to change to accommodate disabled people' mean, I just worded it another way...and explained why I think it is false as often walking around I can see accommodations, attempts at raising awareness towards disabilities and people who help accommodate needs of disabled people thus clearly the world can and does make changes for accommodating the disabled.

If you think I misunderstood you could just explain what you figure I got wrong, instead condescending.


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01 Mar 2016, 1:24 pm

I misread, sorry. But [don't] call me condescending.


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Last edited by Adamantium on 01 Mar 2016, 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Personal attack with offensive language

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01 Mar 2016, 1:40 pm

"How To Be A Hermit" course by Robin. Now taking applications. Apply within. Operators are standing by.


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01 Mar 2016, 3:06 pm

one eventually gets used to it.



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01 Mar 2016, 8:42 pm

[moderating]
This thread is not going to turn into the usual battle of the sexes thing. The OP did not ask if boys or girls have it tougher, and WP rules prohibit sexist language, so please restrain any impulse toward providing generalizations about the sexes, etc.



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01 Mar 2016, 8:46 pm

@OP my comments are being moderated so if you want to discuss your life/problems with me feel free to send me a private message. I understand your unique set of circumstances and I feel like you are not getting the understanding/patience that you deserve. I understand your pain and I am here for you if you wish to discuss further.


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02 Mar 2016, 4:15 am

A couple of years back i was just as desperate. Back then when i was about 23 years old and saw every single friendship / relationship fail in less than a few months due to my own shortcomings. I became very depressed. I mean, knowing that there is a chance that it wont get better, ever, is cruel. The last few dates i have had, about 3 years ago, i could not even enjoy sex anymore. All i did during intercouse was thinking about 'how long will this last this time..?'

If i really want to have casual sex now, i'll go to some stripbar, so i am not bothered by anxiety.

I am single now for 3 years. Maybe due to the anxiety mentioned above, maybe because i stopped caring. The problem with me on social situations is that i dont really know where the boundaries are.

It seems that neurotypical people have very clear boundaries. They sort people in their life out in several categories.
-Acquintance / Colleague
-Friend
-Best friend / very close friends
-Relationship

And they control very tightly who gets to know what, who they listen to, who gets to influence them etc.
I dont really have that. I never understood it to begin with. When i read back older conversations with female friends, i see now how pushy i can look. I mean, they are only 'friends'. To them, maybe i am just an acquintance and yet here i am, trying to enforce my own laws and principles of the world onto them.. :oops:

With dates, i tend to tell pretty much everything since i dont feel ashamed of who i am. That doesnt really work in a close minded society so i push lots of people away. I also have my own laws & principles to create order out of chaos in social structures. Ideals on friendships & relationships that only happen in fairy tales.

So yeah, it can be hard..

After every dumb mistake and after i pushed someone out of my life again unintentionally, i analyse the situation. It is only after a little while when i read back my own conversations that i start to realize how straight-to-the-point jumpy and confrontating i can look. On the moment supreme, i lack that ability.

Becoming aware of your autism traits and social shortcomings is like having this useless comic book ability of seeing the future - you cant act on it, since seeing your own future means it is already set in stone.

However, i do like to believe that someday i will find the love of my life by coincidence. Someone who takes me for who i am including all the weirdness, the alone time i need etc. I have grown out of the despair phase i had a couple of years ago. Made a few social contacts along the way who do support me and wish me the best. No one said our journey was going to be easy, but it will get better :heart:


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