Why is Autism the only excuse for bad behavior?

Post Reply New Topic

Well, I'm trying to understand this statement. I think I should have just asked for clarification instead of making an assumption.

As adults, my guess is that most people who do those aggressive things like destroying property and physical violence don't work on regulating themselves.

I would agree on most people who are aware of what they are dealing with but do not make adjustments. But even then things can spiral out of control.

But the person who does not understand what is happening doesn't really have a hope of controlling things if they are not using the right mechanisms.

But even adults who are lower functioning may have much more difficulty regulating things.

I know, for me, when every little thing in life is trying to figure the equation of the moment and that puts a bit more a layer or two of complexity to any situation. I know I will have to find better coping mechanisms and practice, practice, practice. Until that time, I am struggling to figure those mechanisms and just now starting to get the help I need to do that.

I suppose that's possible. I really did have to work on regulating my emotions when I was young. I had very little self-control, especially when I was angry or frustrated. I had to teach myself to control my temper. I have no idea how I did it, because I was totally out of control before. The worst I usually do now is snap at people, or maybe complain really loudly.

As far as crying goes, I have almost zero self-control. It's simply not possible. Regardless of what I want to happen, I will cry. Sometimes it'll get really bad, and I'll be outright sobbing. It doesn't happen just when I'm sad. It also happens when I'm frustrated, or angry, or hurt. It happens in public. People think I'm crazy when it happens. Totally humiliating when it does.

I now avoid situations that I know will make me emotional when I'm in public or around people I don't know well. Because I can't stand the thought of losing control like that and being humiliated.

I wonder if there's some kind of method to control it.

That is a very good question. I remember my therapist telling me in high school that we are all responsible for our behavior and if we can't be held responsible, then I shouldn't be in the real world. That changed my perspective and now I think if someone seriously can't help themselves when they cause harm to others and destroy property, they should at least live in a mental hospital or something and not be allowed out in public or it's prison for them. We do lock up a lot of mentally ill people and people who are mentally handicapped when they commit violent crimes. So no wonder we do that to them because it keeps the rest safe from them. But then again I think institutions should be reopened again than shoving them into prisons because it's the best we can do. They have basically became mental hospitals for them and more of them are in prison than ever before since lot of the institutions have shut down.

And I like to write and I thought about having the mother go to her daughter'd school and throw things around in her office and strangle her with a phone cord and then I realized if I did that, then that would mean she would need to be in a mental hospital and locked away and not be out in the real world because she is too dangerous if she can't control her actions when she is upset. Also I didn't want to portray autism as being psychopaths when they don't get their way. If someone seriously did that, that would mean they can't function in the real world because they can't control themselves when they are upset so that would mean they would need a mental hospital or go to prison.

Last edited by League_Girl on 11 Apr 2016, 2:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think that everyone is responsible for his/her own behavior. Obviously, there are people who can't control themselves for various reasons. Little children, intellectually disabled people, the elderly (if the person is ill or has dementia), people with mental illnesses like schizophrenia, and people with physical illnesses. Definitely those that often can't control themselves need to have a caretaker or be institutionalized if they can't be controlled.

Basically those who are a danger to themselves or others need to be kept from doing dangerous things. And the people who are choosing to misbehave, or who are choosing not to try, should not be given excuses for the bad behavior.

Well that is why there are care givers and group homes and adult guardians because someone can't be responsible so they need supervision. But then they have no adult rights.

My husband ran into his old high school mate on the bus not too long ago and he isn't intellectually impaired but he is slow so he has a guardian that is ordered by the state to be with him for every time he leaves his house. That makes me wonder if it was something his parents ordered for him or if he has gotten in trouble or something with the law and the judge decided instead of sending him to prison and to serve his time, give him a guardian instead and he is not to leave his house without one. I once heard of another story when I lived in Montana and my school counselor told me this story, this one guy broke into someone's home and took stuff because he was told to do it so those people who put him up to it got into trouble and the judge decided to put him in a group home even though he wasn't intellectually impaired, my school counselor said he just wasn't a smart guy. I assume he was probably slow then if he wasn't smart. But yet slow learners are not considered to be disabled or as having a disability by our American standards but in countries like Sweden and the Netherlands it's recognized as a disability while here it's not so they are not protected by the ADA.

So these two people are not responsible for their behaviors so they were given a guardian or put into a group home as a result. I think this is what my therapist was saying.

What I meant was that some people seem to assume that when someone has a meltdown, the feelings of bystanders should be prioritized. I'm saying that the feelings of the person having a meltdown should be prioritized.

Oh wow...I had that all muddled. I will agree to a balance of both sets of priorities. I think most people assume that someone having a meltdown is a matter of a tantrum and not something representing a loss of control.

My take on this is that people like to make autistics the scapegoats, and that's why it's used as the only excuse.

People are aware what happens when the amygdala becomes stimulated in stress situations? This "choice" of action is questionable in NT's let alone anyone on the spectrum. Rational thought becomes very difficult as access to the Frontal Lobes is curtailed, the brain then begins to Pattern Match looking for similar situations which are usually stressful in themselves. The "3 F's" then take over (Fight/Flight/Freeze)...

Just thought an idea of the process that can lead to "bad behaviour" might be helpful.
You can of course train yourself to cope with situations but you have to develop insight and that can be problematic if the environment is not conducive.

Some good points here. I think that their needs to be a cmptomise between the two opposing psrties, if possible. The autistic person should try to control his or her behavior to the greatedt extent at which it doesn't cause emotional distress. The NT person should be accepting of the moments when everything becomes overwhelming for the person with autism. Lastly, there needs to be an acknowledgment that there is a difference in the ASD individual, and that he or she can't function properly in some instances.

I think autism is not an excuse for people to do property damage or be violent to others.
If they are doing these things, they are abusing others and violating the rights of others, so they should not go out in public if they can't control themselves from doing these things in stressful situations.
If they are doing these things at home, they are also abusing others, such as their family members.
If they don't know what they are doing, they are not to blame personally, but they should be kept away from others who might be harmed by them.
If they know what they are doing and are not trying to learn to regulate themselves and blame on autism, then they are to blame personally.
Some autistic people do have strong emotional reactions, but they don't harm others, and never do violent acts against objects or people.
People who do those things are violent, and should be considered violent and dangerous if they can't or don't control themselves.

Ever heard of testosterone? When males are in their peak levels of testosterone in late teens and early 20s they cause more dangerous car accidents and fatal injuries from fighting than anybody else.