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possibly autistic bf help and advice please

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SavageHerring
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28 Apr 2016, 11:20 am

skibum wrote:
Be careful with him Herring. I understand that you want to give him a chance especially if he is Autistic but that is why I suggest that you take this friendship very slowly. Do not get romantic with him at this point. Keep it just a casual friendship. If he turns out to be a great guy and is genuinely confused but really cares about you and wants to learn to have good friendship and treat people well, that will show itself over time. But it will take time. Time will also show you if he is really a genuine jerk who only cares about what he wants and then if that happens, dump him for good. But let the casual friendship reveal who he is. You don't want a deep emotional connection and commitment with someone who is this unstable. So again, take it SLOWLY! Seriously, I would not kiss at all since that implies a romantic situation. I would not even hold hands at this point. Just treat him as a regular friend and see what happens. You might even do small group dates instead of just you and him. That would actually be a really good idea. Just a small handful of people like 3 or 5, an odd number so it does not imply a romantic date. That will give him practice with other people and make it so that the entire focus is not you and him. And it will also protect you if he gets weird. Give yourself time to decide whether or not he is someone you can get serious with.


Unfortunately it's a little late for that, I took his virginity last year lol, we haven't had sex since tho.

random question, can you see my avatar pic on here? its not showing for me.



skibum
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28 Apr 2016, 11:24 am

Oh, well that does make things a little more complicated. But you can still hold back. Just because you had sex before does not mean you have to rush in again. You did separate for a bit and he is a bit scary so that is every reason to take it slowly coming back into the relationship. And just because you were lovers before does not mean you have to be lovers again. Don't let him make you think that. But the fact that you took his virginity might explain why he is so clingy to you especially if he did not have any relationships after you.

I can't see your avatar picture. But I do have lots of blocks on my computer. Maybe others can see it.


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SavageHerring
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28 Apr 2016, 11:28 am

skibum wrote:
Oh, well that does make things a little more complicated. But you can still hold back. Just because you had sex before does not mean you have to rush in again. You did separate for a bit and he is a bit scary so that is every reason to take it slowly coming back into the relationship. And just because you were lovers before does not mean you have to be lovers again. Don't let him make you think that. But the fact that you took his virginity might explain why he is so clingy to you especially if he did not have any relationships after you.

I can't see your avatar picture. But I do have lots of blocks on my computer. Maybe others can see it.


agreed. :)



Sylvastor
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28 Apr 2016, 11:30 am

I don't think there is a need to repeat what skibum said, so I'll just state I agree with her too. :)

I don't see your avatar either, it's not caused by any of the blocker-extensions I have on my browser though. If I recall correctly, there used to be a minimum of posts you had to have for a custom avatar to be uploaded on the old Wrong Planet forum software, not sure if that still exists and just isn't mentioned anywhere.


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SavageHerring
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28 Apr 2016, 11:40 am

Sylvastor wrote:
I don't think there is a need to repeat what skibum said, so I'll just state I agree with her too. :)

I don't see your avatar either, it's not caused by any of the blocker-extensions I have on my browser though. If I recall correctly, there used to be a minimum of posts you had to have for a custom avatar to be uploaded on the old Wrong Planet forum software, not sure if that still exists and just isn't mentioned anywhere.


I think i fixed it, thanks! :D



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28 Apr 2016, 11:45 am

I see it now! :D I like it very much. It's a very nice picture.


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SavageHerring
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28 Apr 2016, 11:45 am

skibum wrote:
I see it now! :D I like it very much. It's a very nice picture.


Thanks! :)



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28 Apr 2016, 11:47 am

SavageHerring wrote:
skibum wrote:
Oh, well that does make things a little more complicated. But you can still hold back. Just because you had sex before does not mean you have to rush in again. You did separate for a bit and he is a bit scary so that is every reason to take it slowly coming back into the relationship. And just because you were lovers before does not mean you have to be lovers again. Don't let him make you think that. But the fact that you took his virginity might explain why he is so clingy to you especially if he did not have any relationships after you.

I can't see your avatar picture. But I do have lots of blocks on my computer. Maybe others can see it.


agreed. :)
And to quote my big brother who adores me, I will say this to you with the same adoring love and affection with which he says it to me, "Good girl!" :heart:
Keep us posted on how it all goes. We are all here for you.


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SavageHerring
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07 May 2016, 3:49 pm

The zoo didn't go so well :? It's usually really quiet there but for some reason when we went it was PACKED. Everyone was really close and kept bumping into him and running in front of him things like that. :x He was pretty silent the entire time I asked him a couple of times if he wanted to talk and he said no. I asked him, "Do you not want to talk in general or do you just not want to talk to me?" and he got annoyed and said, "I don't want to talk to you!" soon after that he asked if we could just sit down in an area by some trees away from everyone then he asked if we could just go home.. I told him sure and he said he felt bad but I told him it was okay. He asked if we could go to the ice cream shack on the way home and then when we got there he said never mind because there were too many people so we just went home. He talked a little bit in the car and at my house and didn't really seem annoyed anymore and he was smiling.

I was thinking maybe a park next time might be a better idea? :?



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07 May 2016, 4:12 pm

Did you actually have fun on this outing? Because it doesn't sound very fun.

You have other dating options, I assume. If I were you, I'd exercise them. You are not obliged to rescue this guy from his own failings and problems. He has some growing up to do before he is really relationship-ready. And nobody can do that for him, he has to do it on his own.


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SavageHerring
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07 May 2016, 4:16 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Did you actually have fun on this outing? Because it doesn't sound very fun.

You have other dating options, I assume. If I were you, I'd exercise them. You are not obliged to rescue this guy from his own failings and problems. He has some growing up to do before he is really relationship-ready. And nobody can do that for him, he has to do it on his own.


To be honest I didn't have much fun either because it was too crowded and there were too many children there. He told me multiple times after he got home over text that he had fun. I do, but, there's something about this guy for some reason I can't get over him.



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07 May 2016, 5:04 pm

Sounds like the start of a long, unhappy relationship.


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SavageHerring
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07 May 2016, 5:06 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Sounds like the start of a long, unhappy relationship.


Possibly. I mean I never really said I was unhappy, it's just different and kind of difficult at times. If I was truly unhappy I would leave him obviously, I'm not stupid.