Which aspie trait you don't have?

Post Reply New Topic

I have empathy.

I understand metaphors and sarcasm, I tend to initiate sarcasm.

All the rest it's more of less a yes...

I have all of those things except for avoiding eye contact.
I don't avoid it... I make too much of it.

I have always associated a high IQ with Asperger's syndrome. If my perception is correct then I must be an exception to the rule.

^IQ doesn't define who you are or how smart you are. It's just a number. What matters most is who you truly are in your heart.

I do not lack empathy.

"Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another being is experiencing from within the other being's frame of reference."

I have empathy for people with autism because of our shared life experience. It may not be exactly the same, but I understand.

NTs would say I lack empathy because I cannot guess why NTs feel a certain way. If they explain how they experience the situation in detail, I would acquire empathy for that situation. I would have trouble generalizing that one situation to different situations without a large frame of reference. But after enough experience I can eventually do that.

I have never met a NT capable of true empathy for me. They think they are empathetic but they always use their frame of reference instead of mine.

I am not saying they don't really try to understand me. I am not saying they are bad because they lack empathy. It just seems like they lack the capacity to understand my perception of reality is different from their perception of reality. Even if they could make this leap, I doubt they could see it as valid because it is different from society's beliefs.

I see both perceptions as valid. I prefer mine. They prefer theirs. I often think wow I do not understand why they do what they do. But I don’t judge them because their perceptions seem strange or are different from mine.

Example:
NT - You are not listening to me, look at me when I talk to you.
Me - I want to hear you. Can we compromise? I can't listen if I have to make eye contact. I am willing to do other things to show I am listening to you.

No matter how many times I tell them, they cannot truly understand extended eye contact hurts. It causes me physical pain. It is sensory overload for me. It causes me a decent amount of REAL pain. I explain to them pain is construct of your brain. I use phantom limb pain as an example. No amount of explanation has ever created 100% empathy for me. Eventually they will become frustrated/annoyed with my frame of reference.