Separating AS from personality.

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I think it is more likely that autistic traits were already part of their identity and personality before they knew it was autism and so autism just put a name on what was already part of themselves.

People who learn they have autism at a young age and are still forming their identity and sense of self may see autistic traits as something to overcome and never fully integrate them into their personality.

I wouldn't say that's necessarily true.

I had a very strong identity before discovering that I potentially have autism. It was just that when I discovered that, I realised that many of the things that make up my personality are actually things that are shared with other autistic people.

^I'm the same, except that there are certain traits of mine that don't seem Aspie-like at all.

This exactly.

This exactly also.

I never really felt that. I saw my my diagnoses as an explanation but not for my personality traits but actually my impairments and explanation for things I wasn't aware of or didn't understand. Like why making friends was such a hard thing, why did people keep ostracizing me, why can't I learn like the other kids, why does my dad keep telling me to look people in the eye. Why can't I remember things immediately after people tell Me things. It was never a matter of personality. Some things were additional like so that's why i have such a good photographic memory, so that's why I feel bad for inanimate objects.

This is a copy paste of a post that I wrote on the thread that is similar to this one. I think that both of these threads are similar enough to combine. But here is the post that I wrote there. I think it is appropriate to say here.


To ASPartofMe - You make good points in your last post. It made me think about how many decisions I have made that have formed me as a person that were directly related to my issues with Autism. It is astounding when you sit back and think of it. If I did not have the sensitivities that I have, if I did not have have the social impairments that I have, if I understood and perceived things differently than an Autistic person does, some of the decisions I would have made would have been completely different than the ones I did make. They would have put me in different social circles and my personality and who I am as a person would have developed much differently. Even some of my choices of sports, interests and activities were rooted in many ways by how much social interaction or sensory stimuli I would have to face or endure or by how I understood and processed the concepts presented.

The way that I related to and communicated with people since infancy had a huge impact on decisions I made and how I developed as a person. All this ties in as well with the thread that we are talking about what personality is and how that affects us and whether ASD is significant in creating or developing our identities. We could even combine these two threads together. But the more I review my life, the more I see how big a part ASD played in me being the unique person that I am. If I did not have ASD, I would most likely have been a very different person.

For one, I would not have been excluded from the social circles that I tried to be a part of. I would not have been bullied the same way that I was and my self esteem would have been very different enabling me to make different decisions. I would have probably chosen to participate in events that had much more sensory stimulation which would have shaped my view of things differently and given me experiences that might have made me a different person. So I think that ASD plays a huge part in all of this. And like I mentioned before, if I had been diagnosed as a small child, I would have probably been taught that ASD is not part of my actual identity but something that I have that is more of an entity outside of myself as a person. That way of thinking would have made me develop very differently than I did as well. Personally I prefer believing that ASD is part of my identity because it is not something that will go away and it affects everything about me.

Put it this way...here are a few of my strongest personality traits:

Nerd

I'd say more nerd than geek. I think 'geek' is seen as a bit cool. I am anything but. Namely, the fact that at 11 years old when most friends were getting into liking fashion and make-up, I was sitting in the school computer room teaching myself to code websites - this was long before most my age had even looked at a computer, and I was weird for using one. Still to this day that nerd bit is a strong part of my personality. But it could be attributed to autism - the lone wolf, the special interest, the single-minded focus.

Comfortable

I've always been particularly proud of the way I'm comfortable in my own skin. I have never cared for how I look beyond wanting to look like I've made a bit of an effort. I wear comfortable clothes, not fashionable ones. I often dress inappropriately for occasions. I'd say I look a bit weird and immature compared to a majority of women my age. I have no interest in fashion or style. I like practicality. In addition, whilst others are worrying about their weight and stretch marks, I really couldn't care much at all. That's another big part of who I am. Again, a lack of interest in/understanding of fashion, style and trends is an attribute often associated with autism.

Organised

Certainly not in all areas. I could never do my homework when I was at school, and it was amazing if I thought to take a pen with me, but give me a project to work on and I'll get lost in it until I've covered every single little aspect. I love a project that I can really sink my teeth into. Budgets and personal finances are also a special interest of mine - nobody has budget spreadsheets anywhere near as impressive as mine. I love that whilst others are winging it financially, I have everything mapped out and I really enjoy managing my finances. Again, traits that can be associated with autism - the desire for control, single-minded focus, special interests.

Conviction

I know my own mind. I've always been very strong minded with my views and I like that about myself. Admittedly some would call it stubborn - my husband says I live in a very black and white world - but to me things ARE black and white and I like that I don't get caught up in the grey and confused by it. Again, potentially an autistic trait.

Successful and Mature

Whilst many of the people that I grew up amongst are living quite immature lives, still out drinking and partying regularly and behaving like teenagers despite being approaching/in their 30s, I've always been extremely mature for my age. I've settled down and I'm a great parent (if I do say so myself - people frequently comment that they envy my parenting abilities), and I attribute being mature and settled due to not getting caught up in trying to impress others. Again, potentially due to my autism and not fitting in socially. I run my own business, too. It takes a focused individual to do that, I think, which again might be autism related. And a big motivation for sticking at it is because I never coped well with being managed and so struggled with employment elsewhere. I've since discovered that the reason for not liking being managed might be executive function problems causing me to not do well when people aren't clear about what they want.

As you can see, it can spill over into all parts of my personality.

I also think that my personality would have been different with a diagnosis as a child because knowing my parents and the kind of people they are, I would have been much more protected and supported by them if they had known. That would have greatly affected the development of my personality. Being able to feel a sense of safety and support from my parents rather than a sense of abandonment and a feeling of not being wanted for who I really was, would have had a profound effect on my personality. My siblings might have treated me much better as well and that would have affected all of our personality development in a positive way. I seemed to be the grinding point from which all the relationships fell apart because nobody understood me and everything was reactionary. And that is directly from my issues with Autism and not having had that understood as a child.

Yep, that's the scary bit right there.

And I don't want special treatment. Well, maybe just a little bit, like allow me to avoid certain situations.

R00tb33r, I am confused, I don't understand what you mean.

As far as your statement Zombie Bride, you do have a point there. I remember telling my psychologist when I was first diagnosed that I wanted to be called an Autistic person rather than a person with Autism because finding out about Autism was the first time that I had an identity which made any kind of sense as a human being. I had an identity before but because so much of it had to do with Autism, my identity was not like anyone else's that I knew about. It was truly alien. When I was a pre-teen, I did not know or believe that I was a real human being. I had no grounds or ability to consider myself as a part of the actual human race because I had so many things about me that did not fit what humans were and I had no explanation for that. So yes, my identity as a human person, as part of the human race, the place I held in society, was established once I got my diagnosis. But I still had a well formed solid identity before that of which my Autistic traits and symptoms played a huge role. It just wasn't the identity of someone who knew she was a "real person".

The lack of any other identity is scary.

Oh, yes, I think so too. Absolutely. Thank you for clarifying.

For me, personality is not the same thing as "the Self". I see personality as one part of the Self; it's hard to explain exactly what I mean by the Self, and different ways of looking at it. I see the Self as much more than mind, much more than personality - (though it also contains both of these in my conceptualisation); I see the Self more as Jung did: that part of our own human being where we store the essentially personal meanings we take from our life and experience, and the unique patterns which we make of those meanings. Possibly the Self influences our choices, thoughts, perceptions and behaviour far more than just personality alone.

It's hard to explain...

Yes, I'd like to take a look on how you write them. I think it could be really helpful for me. Thanks!


Exactly! And, in my opinion, not being able to separate AS from one's personality is nothing to be scared of.


Why do you focus so much on your impairments? You may have some social difficulties, but it's just because everybody's different. I'm glad you mentioned your photographic memory. That shows your autism also explains you have a great ability, a gift, that not many people have.
I think I have some kind of photographic memory, too. When I study for an exam, I take like photographs of the pages in my brain, and then, in the exam, it's almost as if I were cheating, because it's as if I could see the pages of the book and see some of the things that were written, where in the page they were written, etc. Is this a normal thing or is it photographic memory?



Same thing here! I was so constantly bullied until I was 18, that I just thought I was like of another species. I thought there may be something wrong with me and that I was forced to be subdued to everyone.

That doesn't fit me at all.

Long before I knew I was autistic, I had a clear sense of my identity. It's just that a lot of identifying features I have are autism-related.

Here is probably how I'd have described myself pre-discovery (not pre-diagnosis because I suspected autism long before my diagnosis), and how that relates to autism:

I like strange things (intense unusual interests)
I'm weird and nonconformist (lack of innate desire to fit in, plus poor social skills)
I'm creative (unrelated to autism)
I'm smart (partly unrelated, but some of this self perception was related to strengths that are part of autistic skill scatter)
I'm disorganized (executive dysfunction)
I'm honest (dislike of lying due to literalism)
I have a strange sense of humor (turns out a lot of autistic people have a similar sense of humor to me)
I feel passionate about human rights (mostly due to a feminist mother rather than autism, but growing up as an outsider probably intensified this)
I'm a loner (reduced social motivation, plus defense against bullying)

So it's not at all that I lacked identity. It's just that a lot of things I thought were 'just me' turned out to be autistic traits. Well, guess what? Just because they're autistic traits doesn't mean they're not me!

Even my sexual orientation (which I only realized post-diagnosis) is affected by autism - autistic women are less likely than NT women to be heterosexual. Asexuality especially is overrepresented on the autism spectrum. And most LGTB people have no hesitation in saying their orientation is part of their identity. In fact the only people I've seen try to argue orientation is separate from identity have been homophobic gays.