my social difficulties seem different than many of yours

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I don't have much confidence around people. For the most part, it's been a long and painful process of learning the hidden rules of interaction, but as I've built up some knowledge.. I mean, how people look when they react a certain way, what they mean when they speak with a certain tone or inflection, a million different details that I've had to assimilate.

The results have paid off, but I acknowledge that having to process them on a conscious level where normal people just go and do things, this puts me at a disadvantage most of the time. Other people don't seem to notice my mistakes unless I make some glaring error and wonder at the disbelieving stares I receive until I realize what I just said. But for the most part, now that I feel I'm getting some understanding of social interaction I can enjoy it in my own fashion.

I get frustrated with people alot...I find so many are... well...clueless, or just plain lacking in common sense.

I can't even properly socialize on a message board. I feel lost.

I've found you pleasant enough, RaeRae.

Uncertain-Late: actually, I think that it's possible to get a fair idea as to how they put together thoughts by watching their movements. However, I think that this would mainly be useful for estimating their current level of arousal in the frontal lobe, which is admittedly subject to fluctuation. That's the main one that I've learned to heart. I tend to find most people who have a higher level of arousal to have very good and sincere personalities. They're very thoughtful, usually. They're good people to sit down and have a couple of beers with.

Great points everyone. It's true that I probably overestimate my ability to read people, and it probably has resulted in losing many potential friends over the years as I quickly lump people into a category and move on. Bleh. Something to work on.

Most of my language when I'm speaking with people is very carefully crafted, and usually I end up being called "special" or something equally demeaning because they don't understand what I'm saying.

Maybe I just need friends who are less stupid (I wouldn't say "smarter" because I wouldn't give them "smart").

Good thread.


A couple of points:

1.I used to think I could read people. I found out I am a terrible judge of character.

2. People are deceptive, and very good at showing you a false front. (Which I will most likely misinterpret anyway).

3.I used to think I was "special" too. The universe has a way of compensating for big egos. It's called "bad s**t happening". I tend to check myself now before I wreck myself.

4. A lot of my feelings of superiority was just misplaced jealousy of other's seemingly effortless ability to socially interact.

5. I just stick to reading books now.

I also belong to those aspies whose source of big pride is ability to "read" people and figure out their real intentions. It's practically one thing which made me doubtful of my AS since I had found out about the existence of Asperger Syndrome. Most people are utterly predictable, I know how the friends of mine would behave in a particular situation, what their reactions would be like. Being with them bores me stiff I can say about myself I'm really good at manipulating people because my knowledge of human behaviour helps me in it. They all (there are some exception to the rule but I don't count them) behave like termites or The Borg who don't have their own individuality and are really easy to lead. I rarely feel all those subtle emotions which normal poeple feel but I find it easy to guess them by logical reasoning. I have also really good intuition. If sbd demanded from me an immediate answer what an average person feels in a particular situation I wouldn't have any problems giving the answer. But in spite of having an ability of analysing their minds from outside, in spite of having all this knowledge I strike an obstruction when I must deal with social situations. I know theoretically what should be said but I am not sure what words I should use - after all, there are so many possibilities. It's just like in case of the user who wrote:

My social difficulties are fairly subtle when compared to many here. They tend to come in the form of "foot in mouth disease" (speaking before I think) incidents and being preoccupied with things I'm doing.