Why does telling NTs I have Asperger's make me feel shame?

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kraftiekortie
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19 Jul 2016, 5:30 am

I might not get subtle social nuances; but I compensate in other ways.

I am not inferior. Neither is anybody else--unless they believe they're inferior.

People should work with what they got. And all people have the right to the same basic respect from others.

I think you're clever in some ways Aunt Blabby--in ways in which I am not clever.



kraftiekortie
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19 Jul 2016, 5:35 am

In conclusion:

NOBODY IS INFERIOR BY VIRTUE OF HAVING AUTISM/ASPERGER'S.

Nor is somebody with Down Syndrome.

Nor is somebody with any sort of disorder.

Your inferiority/superiority is based upon WHAT YOU DO WITH WHAT YOU GOT.

Anybody who thinks somebody is inferior because they don't get subtle social nuances has garbage in his/her mind.



androbot01
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19 Jul 2016, 5:49 am

You don't need to shout kraftie.

The thing is that we are not all equal and it is false to pretend we are. Our culture worships superiority. Beautiful airbrushed women, sports stars, actors, musicians, computer entrepreneurs. That's why we have award ceremonies. To honour those who are superior to the rest of us.

If having autism isn't an inferiority then why is it undesirable to have it? (And it is undesirable, if you ask me.)

I think you are taking inferior to mean of less value and this is not necessarily the case.



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19 Jul 2016, 5:49 am

yourkiddingme3 wrote:
I feel even more shame saying I'm on the autistic spectrum.

Isn't this like feeling shame saying you're tone deaf? Neither is something one can control or change.

I never felt Asperger's or autism was something to be ashamed of before my diagnosis this year at age 63. My reaction to Asperger's in others was just "interesting," and to more debilitating autism was just "bummer." Ditto for people with just face-blindness, which I view as more debilitating than my mere poor facial recognition. Is it just because before now, I assumed I was average at recognizing the emotions of others, but now know how very bad I am at it? I certainly would have behaved differently if I had known before how poorly I was understanding the emotional/normative subtexts that NTs annoyingly insist on deploying. Is it just because I feel like an idiot for failing to recognize past mis-communications before now?

Or is it just because most NTs view and treat spectrics as inferior beings? I mean, the Nazis thought of Jews that way, too. By feeling shame now, even if I intellectually reject the feeling as inappropriate, am I supporting cognitive Nazis? Or am I just over-dramatizing adjustment to a newly-discovered part of me?


Not sure what you are asking.

Should you feel ashamed of being aspie?

No.

Is it a normal thing that happens to folks diagnosed with being on the ASD?

No.

Usually the opposite happens. The person was chronically ashamed of being a neurotic NT before being dx'd, and after dx they realize that they are a non neurotic AS person afterward which is the lesser evil.

Should you go around telling folks that you are on the AS?

Basically NO! Depends upon the person you're confiding that to, and why. But usually there is no reason to talk about it, and usually little to gain by talking about it (as someone said above there is a lot of ignorance about autism/aspergers).



kraftiekortie
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19 Jul 2016, 6:10 am

I wasn't shouting, I was emphasizing.

I just don't feel that autistic people are an inferior breed of people. I'm not going to win any awards---but many Aspies do win awards, it just so happens.

We have to dispense with the idea that we are defective--because we are not. We might not be good at certain important things at the most inopportune times--but we can learn to be better at these things. We musn't just be complacent in our abilities at any point in time. We can improve. And it doesn't have to come through psychotherapy, either. We can improve through our own efforts.



androbot01
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19 Jul 2016, 6:29 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I just don't feel that autistic people are an inferior breed of people. I'm not going to win any awards---but many Aspies do win awards, it just so happens.

I get what you're saying ... that one's autism can give one strengths in areas that aren't usual. Savant syndrome would be the extreme. I am pretty sure that my awareness of my physical surroundings is far more attuned than most people's.

I don't think I would have chosen the phrase "breed of people" as I don't think there are breeds of people. I feel I am a of the human breed, but that I am ill-formed. Not an ideal specimen so to speak. I can cope with the figurative barrier between me and other people, but what bugs me is the lack of awareness of what autism is. For example, the idea that autistic people lack empathy which is untrue. But because this is commonly held people view autistics with suspicion.

kraftiekortie wrote:
... We can improve through our own efforts.

Social behaviour can be learned and mimicked. That does a lot to make other people happy and not much for me.



kraftiekortie
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19 Jul 2016, 7:01 am

Is any human an "ideal specimen?"

Yep...we are the Human Breed. No doubt about that!

When I said "improve through our own efforts," I wasn't talking about pleasing other people. I was talking improving ourselves in terms of gaining knowledge, stuff like that. And improving on presenting that knowledge to other people so that we can put our best foot forward--to please US, not THEM.



untilwereturn
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19 Jul 2016, 9:41 am

I was diagnosed two years ago, at age 43, and I feel no shame whatsoever about being on the spectrum. I'm actually rather proud about the fact that I've done as well as I have managed over the course of my lifetime despite no diagnosis and no external supports outside my own family. I didn't tell a lot of people about my diagnosis for the first 6 months or so. I needed time to process and reflect on what ASD signified.

Some people react with that, "Oh, you poor handicapped man!" look. Each time I'm quick to remind them that I'm the same person they've known all along. I didn't just suddenly become helpless or something.

I emerged from that period with a much richer self-understanding. Maybe it has something to do with being well past adolescence that the social stigma doesn't exist for me. I've written a book about my experience growing up on the spectrum, so I'm about as public as one can get! :)



B19
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19 Jul 2016, 2:43 pm

great post ^ :)



LouisK
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19 Jul 2016, 7:16 pm

untilwereturn wrote:
I was diagnosed two years ago, at age 43, and I feel no shame whatsoever about being on the spectrum. I'm actually rather proud about the fact that I've done as well as I have managed over the course of my lifetime despite no diagnosis and no external supports outside my own family. I didn't tell a lot of people about my diagnosis for the first 6 months or so. I needed time to process and reflect on what ASD signified.

Some people react with that, "Oh, you poor handicapped man!" look. Each time I'm quick to remind them that I'm the same person they've known all along. I didn't just suddenly become helpless or something.

I emerged from that period with a much richer self-understanding. Maybe it has something to do with being well past adolescence that the social stigma doesn't exist for me. I've written a book about my experience growing up on the spectrum, so I'm about as public as one can get! :)



What is the title of your book?



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19 Jul 2016, 7:42 pm

LouisK wrote:
untilwereturn wrote:
I was diagnosed two years ago, at age 43, and I feel no shame whatsoever about being on the spectrum. I'm actually rather proud about the fact that I've done as well as I have managed over the course of my lifetime despite no diagnosis and no external supports outside my own family. I didn't tell a lot of people about my diagnosis for the first 6 months or so. I needed time to process and reflect on what ASD signified.

Some people react with that, "Oh, you poor handicapped man!" look. Each time I'm quick to remind them that I'm the same person they've known all along. I didn't just suddenly become helpless or something.

I emerged from that period with a much richer self-understanding. Maybe it has something to do with being well past adolescence that the social stigma doesn't exist for me. I've written a book about my experience growing up on the spectrum, so I'm about as public as one can get! :)


What is the title of your book?


It's an ebook titled "Never One of Them: Growing Up with Autism." I'd emailed Alex to see if it was OK to post a link, but never got a reply, so I haven't.



LouisK
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19 Jul 2016, 7:44 pm

untilwereturn wrote:
LouisK wrote:
untilwereturn wrote:
I was diagnosed two years ago, at age 43, and I feel no shame whatsoever about being on the spectrum. I'm actually rather proud about the fact that I've done as well as I have managed over the course of my lifetime despite no diagnosis and no external supports outside my own family. I didn't tell a lot of people about my diagnosis for the first 6 months or so. I needed time to process and reflect on what ASD signified.

Some people react with that, "Oh, you poor handicapped man!" look. Each time I'm quick to remind them that I'm the same person they've known all along. I didn't just suddenly become helpless or something.

I emerged from that period with a much richer self-understanding. Maybe it has something to do with being well past adolescence that the social stigma doesn't exist for me. I've written a book about my experience growing up on the spectrum, so I'm about as public as one can get! :)


What is the title of your book?


It's an ebook titled "Never One of Them: Growing Up with Autism." I'd emailed Alex to see if it was OK to post a link, but never got a reply, so I haven't.

I found it on Amazon. I see you dedicated the book to your wife. How did you meet her?



B19
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19 Jul 2016, 7:53 pm

Mod note: Once you have built up a substantial history of within-rule posting (which I am sure you are doing), you can mention your own work of this kind as long as you don't spam different forums urging members to buy it (which I am sure you won't). You could also create a brief legend about it to go at the bottom of your posts, not a total description though a simple reference to it.

I had a look at it and am happy to provide the link in this thread:

https://www.amazon.com/Never-One-Them-G ... nav-subnav

It sounds like the kind of supportive book that is in tune with the support ethos of Wrong Planet.



untilwereturn
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19 Jul 2016, 7:56 pm

Quote:
I found it on Amazon. I see you dedicated the book to your wife. How did you meet her?


Awesome! We actually met online.



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19 Jul 2016, 7:58 pm

B19 wrote:
Once you have built up a substantial history of within-rule posting (which I am sure you are doing), you can mention your own work of this kind as long as you don't spam different forums urging members to buy it (which I am sure you won't).

You could also create a brief legend about it to go at the bottom of your posts, not a total description though a simple reference to it.


Thanks for the input. I didn't want to jump in and jeopardize my WP account by shilling for my own book. I definitely don't want to spam. I like your idea about appending to my posts, though. I may do that.



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19 Jul 2016, 8:39 pm

LouisK wrote:
I see you dedicated the book to your wife. How did you meet her?

i'm curious too

if that's not explained in the book, i'll want my money back

jk ;)

----

oh there was another page on this thread already, i hadn't seen it. never mind then :lol:


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