If you could push a button or take a pill to get rid of your

Post Reply New Topic

For me, ignorance was bliss. I knew something was off... was it my Asperger's? Maybe. I knew I had that, but never bothered to learn much about it. I didn't realize all it was doing. By the time I was in high school though, I'd started to... and the more I learned about it, the more I realized it was standing between me and all the things I wanted out of life... and since then, I've grown to loathe and despise it as a result.

I really don't care about being socially weird. What I do care about is my inability to delegate actions to my subconscious like salonfilosoof theorizes as the root problem of most of the executive function and intellectual process issues I have to put up with. I cannot do something automatically, it makes me exhausted. I also cannot be aware of new ideas or hints while doing something, only when I am sitting down. I also have hardly any childhood memories of myself due to issues with multi-processing, I also have a very weak sense of self as well which is common in Autistic people. They can observe two others and know when one is acting strange and also remember them but they cannot remember themselves being there. That is why also people with aspergers often remember themselves in third or second person in an event if they do remember anything. Or worse, aphantasia.

Sometimes I feel like I hate Autism, but most of the time I feel proud of having Autism because I am a savant and I feel like Autism made me a genius.

That's fine... but for me? It makes me feel damaged and incomplete.

Okay little professor!

Ever be the last guy to get what everyone is talking about?
I do. Intellectual impairments in autism are a fact. Not IQ test stuff but practical stuff.

Maybe its because we realize just how harder everything is for us, we know our limits and what we are simply incapable of doing that is easier for everyone else.

Perhaps its also finding out what everyone thinks about us! I am sure many of us are known for being slow in the workplace, slow to do things and "slow" in the head. The ones who are glad to have autism may not know at all what they are missing out on, they don't know that everyone thinks they are jokes or weird and creepy or annoying. They think they have strong empathy but don't even know what that word means (its not sympathy or conscience). They think they are smart because they memorize facts but have no clue how much better NT people are at problem solving and using their wits. I call these people "little professors" in adult bodies. They haven't grown past that phase.

If it also came with a free time machine, yes.

It might have to do with the level of Asperger's that one has. It appears to me (and I could be completely wrong in this) that once someone reaches a certain level of Asperger's in terms of severity, they no longer really care about being different than others, that people might see them as weird, and really don't care about fitting in or wanting the things in life that most people want. I am not sure that they even know how different they are.

It is those of us who are less severe that that "break point" who want to have a normal life, who want the things that most other people want, who are aware of our differences, and who really do want to fit in that are troubled by our Asperger's and would love to get rid of it. It seems like in my own case I am just low enough in Asperger's severity to want the things that NTs want, but just high enough in severity to not be able to get them.

You're really passionate about this, it clearly gets to you. I can relate, even if I'm perhaps not as harsh on the people you describe. I think a lot of it just comes down to different perspectives and experiences.



I've definitely considered this idea. I think you're right, and I fall exactly into that place.

I don't feel anything good about my ASD. I don't feel like it makes me special, or anything like that. It's just this thing that gets between me and what I want out of life. It's my own personal demon, and it will always live there to stop me from achieving what I desire. I know about it, but it can't be evicted from me.

It's very painful, and I would happily be rid of it.

To paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld

There are things I know I know
There are things I know I don't know
And there are things I don't know I don't know.

Moving from the third to the second is scary. Moving from the second to the first is life changing. Staying put at the third is the easiest of all.

There are a few lucky people who are comfortable enough in their own skin that all of their idiosyncrasies don't matter.

The more I learn the dumber I get.

Actually, to be completely honest, I have autism and my problems are very severe. I have serious problems when it comes to language and I have been struggling to find a way to not only express myself but interpret the meanings behind what other people say.

Recently, I have made a tremendous amount of progress through therapy. Before then, I didn't really understand my situation very well and I had trouble understanding how I was different than other people.

People here have been saying that people who don't want to be cured don't realize how impaired they are or don't know what they're missing out on... But really, no one with autism knows what it's like to be NT, because they never have been. I don't know what it's like, so the thought of a cure scares me. It's the unknown; it's change. I don't cope well with change anyway; the thought of changing the way my mind works is frightening. Maybe if I could have a free trial for being NT I would take that, but changing it and not being able to go back sounds scary. I wouldn't want to take the risk, because I can't say for 100% sure that I'd enjoy being NT. I'm not just gonna trust whatever other people say about it.

Why is it that anytime someone talks about their IQ or a talent they have on threads like these someone else derogatorily calles them "little professor"?

In some case it may be true that their skill or talent or intellect may be limited to the point that they merit that label, but even then insulting someone because they are proud of a trait that you either don't exhibit yourself or are not proud of in yourself is not really the point of this forum I thought. My jnderstanding is that we are here to support each other and exchange ideas and information, not tear each other down.

And some of us really do actually have superior functional intellectual abilities as compared to an NT with a normal IQ.

I have seen here stories of people who have built strong professional lives in highly competitive fields despite autism. That they are not as affected as severely as others does not negate their struggle, their experience or their talents. I personally have excelled at a number of different professions in my life. Did I face challenges because of autism? Yes. Has the autism kept me from reaching my best potential? Absolutely. Did I still achieve more in my life than the vast majority of NT's? Yes. Do I not have the right to be proud of what I am capabale of despite its limits. Yes. And so do you.

All of us should be proud to achieve whatever we can, regardless of how much or little it is. You can still want a cure and hate your suffering without hating yourself, not being proud in yourself or hating those around you.

It's a given that some on this forum suffer more than others, but enough of the belittling just because you have suffered more. I wasnt aware it's a contest. Or that autism was award given only those who suffer "this much at least".

Or that I had to measure up to your expectations in order to be considered a part of your group... in fact isn't that exactly how the NT world treats us (at least the invisible autistics)? Aren't you treating the ones you mock just the way you don't want to be treated?

No, I think autism is a strength neurotypicals have their own quirks. Neurotypicals General just socialize to socialize. I feel like there is nothing wrong with autism it's just a sad reality that were a small portion of the population and with means there are less people we can connect with. I wouldnt change my self though to connect with more people. In a metaphorical way you essential kill your self if your changing your self to be like other people. Autism isn't necessarily synonymous with genius but if you're a genius you're also in about 1% or less of the population and that means you have 1% or less of the population to connect with, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with genius though.

I agree, it was uncalled for.



What about compared to an NT with the same IQ? It isn't likely to be the case, then. This is what he was getting at.



Autism is not what I am. I will not exercise this "right"



You should check out my signature. The top part, anyway.



Nobody said it was a contest. johnnyh is comparing different perspectives, and I think he did so in a hostile and confrontational way but his points are still valid.

Now, I'm one of these "invisible autistics". There seems to be this obnoxious myth around there that a person can't wish they did not have autism, cannot dislike having autism unless they are further towards the lower-functioning end of the spectrum. This is a load of horse s**t. I'm about as high-functioning as a person can be and still have autism, and I loathe having it. I do not ask that others feel this way, but I do ask that others respect my feelings.



Then metaphorically I would happily, eagerly kill myself given even the slightest chance to do so.