Is true that autistic women have it much easier in dating?

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I think you remember some of those threads from the Love and Dating site. There were some people I was absolutely unable to convince that I had Asperger's because I liked affection and liked to hear my spouse say that she finds me attractive. According to them, those are NT behaviors and you have to be one or the other. Believe me, I would be an NT if I could.

I've never attracted a guy and I've never ever been asked on a date. At least that means I'm not one of the autistic women getting abused in relationships.
If I would be dating I don't see why it would be much easier for me than for a guy to maintain the relationship. Women are often expected to do the emotional work which wouldn't be much easier for me.

OP, why are you looking for a partner for your brother? I would find it weird if a guy tried to set me up with his brother.

yep, i second that

@slw: maybe guys actually don't show interest in you, or maybe the guys you tend to attract are too subtle at it for you to notice it when they show interest, but either way, i think it's practically guaranteed that there have been guys who have had a particular interest in you, and not just because you're good-looking

Last edited by anagram on 28 Jul 2016, 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I found dating to be very easy because I used Diaper Mates and found lot of guys on there. Lot of them were messaging me and I would meet up with them. I felt so normal. You just basically need a diaper fetish and join a diaper fetish dating site and all these men who want to meet a female who is also into it will seek you out. Also have a detailed profile, I took the description part of me so literal I did too much info and I got all these guys going after me. I think it was the 34 D breasts part because I can remember my mother telling me to take that out of my profile so that was why I was having all the guys from all over the world and on the other side of the US messaging me even though I had stated in my profile I wanted men who either lived in my area or a at least lived ten hours from me. Then I moved and only had who lived three hours from me or in the same area. So this is how you do it female folks.

And they most likely knew better than to show their interest. I’m sure most neurotypical women can smell male interest a mile away. There’s no way to conceal it, no matter how much you try when you know you have no chance in hell with them, to avoid making a fool of yourself.

I don't know, maybe they are showing interest and and I just can't tell. I wouldn't want to make the mistake of thinking they are when they're not though because I would look desperate.

That is probably pretty common for Aspies, given that we can't read non-verbal communication. I have had several therapists suggest that there were probably women interested in me and I couldn't pick up on it. There were some who were interested and I could figure that out, but still had no clue what to do next. Gotta love Autism-NOT!

ironically, that preoccupation itself can be an attractive feature. because, while on one hand it shows one type of insecurity (you don't want to appear ignorant or naive), on the other hand it also shows a type of confidence (you want someone to be with, but you're okay by yourself already). and if a guy happens to be interested in you and you show any interest in them, they'll feel special, because it's apparent that you're selective. that thought alone will already be attractive to someone who's drawn to a challenge

it's not unlikely that many or most of those guys who feel uncomfortable around you feel uncomfortable exactly because they're interested in you and then feel like they've lost that challenge. for a moment they pictured what it would be like to be "selected" by you and feel special for it, then they felt like they were just ordinary to you, then they got a little sad for it (or angry. a bullet dodged by you, in that case), and then they avoided you in order to avoid that feeling

i know. truth is stranger than fiction, isn't it... . humans are very convoluted beings

Dating? What's that? The only dates I've had are the dried fruit variety.

Besides, how can we aspie women be date-worthy when we're sooo ugly, and don't wear makeup or sexy, feminine clothes?

Speaking of diaper fetishes:

When I was 20, my then-fiancée wanted to pretend she was a baby.

So she bought a box of diapers with our last $10.00 for the week--and they didn't fit her!

For that whole week all we ate was rice and paprika!

Hey, some of us prefer that "sooo ugly" look. But, there's a whole thread for aspie women who do that to deter men. Dating can't ever be simple, right?

I don't know if there is any trend of autistic women having it easier in dating or autistic women not going for autistic men. For me, it depends on too many other factors than autism vs. NT. I think NT men are easier to get along with.

some people are just not good-looking, and there's no point in denying it. still, i do believe that in the vast majority of cases when someone believes that they're ugly, it's mostly a matter of poor self-image. and in the vast majority of cases when someone is actually ugly, it's "curable", and it's mostly a result of an undeveloped aesthetic sense, or difficulty applying that aesthetic sense to yourself (which to me seems to be the main problem for most aspies who struggle with their appearance). most people out there who are actually ugly either don't care or don't even know that they're ugly. because their aesthetic sense is not developed enough to judge that, and that's the very reason why they're ugly to begin with

now, makeup... my opinion is that it's only meant for photography and tv/movies. basic "invisible" things like concealers, okay, that makes sense. it's a an easy fix and it's not meant to make you look different. but other than that, i don't understand why anyone wears makeup in their daily life. it looks fine or even great as art, but on someone's face when i'm in front of them irl, i find it unattractive. in any situation online when i see a girl i could be interested in, there are two things that i immediately think: "does she smoke? does she wear visible makeup? how much would i have to like her to overlook those downsides?". sure, it would take me A LOT more to overlook smoking, but still

as for clothing, i think girls who dress in a very feminine way can be attractive, especially when they dress in an unconventional way (with deliberately bold fashion choices, for instance), but still, when it comes to clothing, there's nothing more attractive to me than a girl who dresses sloppily or doesn't seem to care much whether her clothing looks particularly feminine or not but still shows aesthetic sense at the same time

Last edited by anagram on 28 Jul 2016, 6:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

No.

Of course not.

It's different for each person, just like any relationship.

Whoever told you that made a drastically overgeneralized, untrue statement.

Sometimes it might be easier, sometimes it's not. What your friend said is like saying "it's easier for women to date older men who have more life experience and patience."

I would say give it time and let it come naturally. Dating sites aren't for everyone.

I suppose I believe that, on average, women have an easier time finding a mate via dating, perhaps not mr right but a mate nonetheless.
I'm not sure autistic women have an easier time than autistic men, I think we are equally useless in this regard.

I mean that in the nicest possible way.