Aspergers discrimination -- son refused spot in acting class

Post Reply New Topic

Dear Kris,

I hope that the fact that the teacher of your son's current class' understanding will help your cause. It can't hurt, at least.

OK, here's the unfortunate UPDATE:

I tried to call the lady in charge of the summer camps at this acting school. I called, I was told that this lady was in a meeting and then leaving directly after that. Seemed kind of like an avoidance technique to me, so since I was taking my son to that acting class, I wrote a letter to the teacher, reiterating what he said to me on the phone and how I'd tried to call the director, and I also wrote a letter to the director, telling her the situation and about my phone conversation with the teacher.

So, the teacher takes both letters for me and promises to give the one to the director.

I get a call this afternoon from the director. I can barely get out the word "hello" out of my mouth before she starts in on the reasoning behind why they can't accept AUTISTIC students into the summer camps, that they are just not equipped for that, that the people running the camps are ARTISTIC people, trained in the ARTS, and not certified like my son's teachers are at school (the majority of my son's teachers are just regular teachers -- he has one hour a day with a certified teacher in special needs). She is just going on and on, without waiting for any comment from me, and telling me how if they let my son in, they'd have to let other in from this AUTISTIC class, and that just wouldn't be right. To be truthful, I hadn't thought about that aspect, and I agree that it wouldn't be fair if my son was accepted and other weren't. She went on and on about how others had asked, and there just wasn't room right now for an AUTISTIC summer camp, but they were going to think of one for the future, etc. and she just kept running ON AND ON AND ON, until finally I said "OK, Whoa, slow down, all I wanted was a yes or no answer." to which she said " Oh, ok, then, no" and I said "Fine, thanks for your time." and hung up.

Now I understand that my even attempting to ask about putting my son in one of their "MAINSTREAM" camps was an audacious thing to do (I'm being facetious here), but I had to attempt it, because my son's been looking at the brochure all week, and talking about it, and asking about it. My biggest mistake was ever signing up for this "therapeutic class" in the first place, because obviously, it puts a VERY big stigma on my son that doesn't necessarily need to be there. All I can think about is the fact that had the DSM-IV had Asperger's in it before 1986, my 20 year old son would have been considered "on the spectrum". But, because Asperger's was not generally known at the time, I just had that son do the "mainstream" stuff. I could have signed that son up for this acting summer camp, and they never would have known the difference. And maybe that's why he's doing just fine now -- has friends, girlfriends, and is in college happily looking forward to his future. Does he still have Asperger's? Yes. Does he still have some problems? A few. But not much more than the typical college student.

So, am I right to think that the lesson learned from this story is don't sign your Asperger kid up for anything "therapeutic", because then the stigma will be attached, and he won't be allowed to do anything mainstream?

Can you tell I'm a little bit angry here?

Kris

This kind of discrimination is nothing more than bigotry. Ill would give anything to teach them a lesson.

Lets see... intiate Project Carthage, hack into the US Missile command, enter coordinates... latitude... longitude... calculating ballistic missile trajectory, obtaining time frame for launch window, beginning launch sequence, missile launching in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Lucky for them, Project Carthage is a completely fictional operating system, and i don't have the tech to recreate the above scenario... not like they don't deserve it...


Lousy stupid bigoted bastards... I grow tired of their adamancy and their audacious discrimatory actions. Someone should shut them up for good.

NEW UPDATE:

I get mad about this situation, so I write to the lady that is in charge of my son's social skills group. I ask her "so if acting classes are supposed to be so good for our kids, and this acting school won't let us in, where are we supposed to go?"

She gets back to me RIGHT AWAY (yes, there are good guys out there), and she tells me about the other school in the area that is the first school's competition. "Yeah, I know of about three other kids that have been going there for years?"

Ha, ha!

So, it would seem, the situation is resolved, there is an acting school here that DOESN'T discriminate, and BOY, am I going to rub it in to the first school when I get the chance. Usually I am low-key about most stuff, but this really burns me.

And thanks, Roxas_XIII, your description was exactly what I was thinking (OK, well, not EXACTLY, cause I'm not as sharp or funny as you, but I got the picture from your description).

Kris

Zanne-Marie:

You know, I'm coming to your EXACT conclusion. We are about ready to ask that my son not have any interventions at all. My NT daughter has been suggesting for years that we pull back on the interventions, as they "label" our son needlessly. And I agree. My oldest didn't have these interventions, and he's doing great. What if the interventions just weren't there? Then we'd have to just handle things the best we could.

So, if we decide to pull off the interventions, what are the possible bad side effects? What do you think?

Kris

Kris,

Unless they can actually help with sensory issues or make him understand faces and body language, I don't think they help. That's just the conclusion I reached on here. At first I had high hopes that they had a way that would really help. I had been through so much training at work on reading body language and communicating with different personality types and communication methods. Some did help me get along, but I am not and now realize I probably never will be able to understand eyes or read any but the most blatant body language. It's a real deficit for me. Some Aspies are better at this and I think it's natural. Others are probably more like me and pick up on some, but not much. I seem to do better with people I work with and that I'm close to as time goes on. I think that's a combination of me learning about them and them learning about me. I still can't read any of their eyes and it unnerves me to look at them. I do the "pretend" eye contact, but it's pretend and it's pretty obvious. Since I don't "lie" but simply tell people I can't read them or understand their implied meanings, they just tell me. I'm not mean or defensive and they seem to take it okay. Anyone around me for even a day will notice how many things go right over my head, so that really hasn't been too much of an issue for me. I honestly think it's better just to say what you can and cannot do. Many times when I used to pretend I could "read" these things or "understand" them people thought I was being rude, arrogant or mean. I got into more trouble when I tried to fit in. I haven't had those problems since I stopped. My biggest problems now are in email because I can't explain face to face, so I state right in the email that I hope I read the situation correctly and to tell me if I did not. That way they aren't offended if I've misread it. They probably just think I'm socially dense and that's okay if it get us through.

Here's what I've come to think about it all and you are going to have to decide what you think. Psychologists and Educators think that Aspies are socially backward or immature. I really don't think that's what is going on and their own observations should tell them that. Aspie kids are notorious for talking to adults rather than kids their age. They would rather spend time with adults than playing. That isn't immature or social retardation, it's actually social advancement. I didn't like kids because I felt they were silly. Many Aspies feel the same. We are out of sync with them. Just because we feel that way doesn't mean we are immature, in fact we are probably way too mature for them.

I think I told you what the teachers did with me. Your son has different issues, but what I would suggest is this, test him out and see if his classes are too easy. Maybe he is not challenged. Back when I was young, they would give a kid a higher level of work to see if it would keep their interest. They don't do that now. They assume the kid is ADD or ADHD and treat them as such. I would have been bored out of my mind if I had to learn at the pace of the other kids. I felt as if I knew things as soon as I saw them when I was that age. I was flying past them academically and part of the reason they took me out of normal class was because I would say the answers. Now they would call that ADD, but I didn't understand why those kids didn't know. I thought everyone knew. The teachers recognized that and accelerated me off by myself. That took care of me and their classes. I think you need to find out for sure where he really lies academically. You may be very surprised. My own gut would tell me he's bored, but it's based on what I went through. It's easy enough to try and it's worth it. Don't count on their tests to tell you. Remember, they were built for the average NT kid, not an Aspie.

You'd have to tell me what all his interventions are for me to answer for all of them. I don't have kids and I grew up before the interventions. What concerns me is that I see too many young people on here who didn't even do as well as I did as far as college, employment and relationships. I'll be honest, I'm pretty bad off socially because of my inability to read people, so when I see that, I'm shocked. That's why I'm so ill at ease with what is happening. I would expect them to be far ahead of me and I'm not seeing it. If I didn't match so much of the criteria, I'd think I was not this at all. It's pretty hard not to believe it when I see myself matching up from the earliest age to almost every single item I saw in all of the different diagnostic methods. So I have to think that it's something else at work here and that is what makes me uneasy. Then, I read what you wrote and it makes me even more uneasy. You and I aren't hysterical people, we're pretty level-headed. I don't think you are out of line to be wondering about this. I think you need to be realistic about what they know and what they propose. You also need to look at what you know from your own experiences. If he's acting like his older brother did at his age and you aren't seeing better results with the interventions, then something is wrong. That's a good guage for you. That's my opinion and like I said, you will just have to take everything into consideration and make the best decisions you can.

Can you ask your older son what he thinks? I know he's gone on mission, but maybe he has some thoughts.

In any case, consider this, interventions are built around making us fit in socially according to the way NTs do it. I don't see that working based on the people here. In the mean time, they downplay his strong point which is his intellectualism. If he loses that, he'll lose his biggest tool in being a success in the world. What does he have left at that point? I guess that is the question I think that needs to be answered.

i'm sorry for your situation. it's really sad.

i havent read through some of the lengthy posts... but is there no way to get a "trial-based" attendance for him? like until his "autistic powers" overtake him and he starts speaking in tongues and all that jazz?

I am glad you found him classes, my heart was breaking for him!

I don't know, I don't think you where wrong at all about signing him up for the As classes, he had fun, it was a good bridge to mainstream classes, fortunately it did not ruin his chances at participating in regular classes at another school. I think the lesson learned is to not go blindly into any autistic programing in the future, think through the possibilities like "is this going to exclude him from something in the future?"

I don't know what you mean by interventions. I know for my son having the label is the only thing that is saving him! He needs certain accomidations for anxiety inattention and communication that they just would not give to a child without AS. So, for him the label does what it is supposed to, helps him.

On the other hand, I wonder if I had an AS label when I was younger, if I would have been denyed entrance to a private school I attended for LD's. I did really well there and it was a very positive experiance! I know some LD schools don't take ASD children, that would have been a really bad thing for me.

Like we don't have enough to worry about, now we have to be mind readers ever vigilant for discrimination!