After diagnosys life - what changed?

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When I was diagnosed I was more like actually happy and relieved because I understood why I never meshed in with any of the other kids in primary school and why I was diagnosed with manic depression as it's often confused with ASD, it completely explained having selective mutism when I was younger and generally just explained so many things for me. I didn't feel like I was someone who was broken or felt like it was wrong to have autism - I felt more like "oh that's why I do/did that". It wasn't a negative experience, more like an experience of positive enlightenment.

It was much more prominent in me when I was a child and whenever someone explains how I was when I was a toddler I just think.. that's so typically AS of me. I guess you just learn how to mesh in as an NT because you get considered as not 'normal' when really you shouldn't let that bother you and recognise you're an individual and have specific needs/interests. I'm really not bothered by certain peoples opinion of me anymore, I couldn't care less if someone finds me weird after hanging around in other cultures and taught to not care what the mainstream thinks.

I'm not alone with AS, my mother has it too and we're best friends who *get* each other and it's wonderful. When you find someone who understands you on a level like that things are so much easier. I have a few close friends who have AS too and it's just nice to be able to let your guard down and relax sometimes because they get it too, sometimes we may not talk for weeks but we're still so close when we do. Having someone to rant to and they completely understand why is always a bonus.

My boyfriend is NT but he really doesn't care about my AS, he just sees it as those are my spaz moments/problems which are just things that make me, me.

I was diagnosed at the age of 45. As a child I struggled with a lot of things such as light sensitivity and communication problems. I was told as a child that I was a wimp, or shy or lazy and that I should just "toughen up and face it like a man."

What changed for me was through knowing that I'm autistic, that "toughening up and facing my problems like a man" was the worse thing I could do. It explained why when I tried to follow the advice that I'd been given since I was a toddler, things went wrong, and led to the occasional meltdown. I have since learned how to handle a lot of things differently and now get stressed out much less now.

Not much.

I hate myself more and scrutinize every action and every opinion and some days every thought for signs of autism.

It's nice to know why, and to not have to wonder if.

But it hasn't changed anything. I'm still to blame for "letting autism out." People still blame me for my mistakes. They still think I'm stupid and evil and self-serving and malicious and horrid every single time I forget something or have an error in social judgment.

Basically, what diagnosis has changed is that I've given up the hope that it will ever be any different. At the same time, I feel like I have to work even harder to hide it. And, if I decide I have to do that, I can pursue disability compensation. That's something I hope I will never have to do, but you never can tell. My right to medical self-determination can now be taken away. My legal personhood can be diminished, if a malicious next-of-kin (like say a vengeful husband) had the right lawyer. It can be used against me in court. That's about it.