Is there a degree of elitism at play ?

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Well as usual, androbot01, I'm not referring to a specific individual or to myself, but rather a general situation I've witnessed a few times. Of course I fully expected to come under fire once again from the posse for mentioning it.

I don't feel I benefited from being diagnosed as a child, I wasn't that young when I was diagnosed(high school) and there was absolutely zero services or help for me. I lived in large poor urban school district which was not safe or a good environment to learn in, the racial tensions in those places make it seem like prison and a good portion of the students end up there eventually. Not a very accepting environment for people that are different, I stopped going so the school district set me up on a program for people that are basically infirm and can't leave the house or hospital where they'd send a teacher twice a week for an hour and that's how I graduated. I think I told this story before but state law where I was born mandates that school districts have to pay for disability services outside the district if they cannot be met in the district so they'd have to pay for private school all but one county in the state and that was the one I lived in.

I think a difference is that I see it as an affliction and disability since that is what it is to me, my life sucks and I feel no tangible benefits from it or anything to be proud of whatsoever. It was never 'an answer' for me, it never provided any relief, it wasn't from a search for acceptance, it was just a diagnosis put upon me and that was my life from then on out. With the spectrum so much of the traits are pretty vague and are things almost everybody does to some degree so it defined by how debilitated the person is by it, not everybody is fortunate to have the means to seek a formal diagnosis and if you've survived your whole adult life unscathed for the most part without one then there might not be much of a reason. There is an element online mostly that has a veneration of sort for mental illness and other afflictions, people normalize it to such a degree that 'normies' all think they have some sort of label to identify which doesn't help people who are truly disabled by it. Is that an elitist attitude? I don't feel very elite.

Don't compare yourself to a fantasy, you will always come up lacking.
I think it's a fair conclusion that those who have been without a diagnosis until later in their lives have had opportunities that early diagnoses have been without due to labelling and the whole psychosocial side of that. It might not be correct, but it is a natural conclusion all the same.

It's simply a case of the old saying about the grass always being greener on the other side and something that can be overcome by open discussion and understanding as in Ezra's previous thread which he is now justly applying to this discussion.

The situations I've witnessed are basically an older later diagnosed person basically describing how their Aspergers effects their lives and bring up examples or situations involving spouse, kids, career etc, and a younger person will ask how that older person can have a spouse and kids and so on, when that younger person can't even stand to have someone touch them and so on. Which I think might have something to to with the perceived elitist and or envious attitude this thread is about.

Last edited by EzraS on 03 Jan 2017, 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's the flip side of the coin. Nothing is ever perfect.


You are envious of someone's ability to cope with their challenges? Why? I am sure you cope with challenges and will do so all your life.

Once again, androbot01, for the second time, I am talking about encounters I have witnessed, rather than speaking about myself, which may pertain to the subject at hand. Please stop making it personal. Thanks.

I don't think so. My six year old grandson who was diagnosed with ASD at the age of three shows no signs of lording it over me who was diagnosed last year at the age of 68.

I think this tends to take place more amongst people around 12 to 20 years old.

But you yourself failed to drop the other shoe,and finish your explanation.

You explained why you think that people like yourself (young early dxers) rightly, or wrongly, envy older late dxers. But you didnt follow through to state whether or not you agreed with your fellow young early dxers. You never said "young folks like me often jump to the said conclusion, even though its wrong". Since you failed to put that last disclaimer(that its a wrong conclusion) on your opinion then you have to expect the reader to assume that your opinion about what other folks in your own group tend to think ALSO APPLIES TO YOU YOURSELF. That you yourself think that.

So...which is it?

Do you agree that later dxers are to be envied? Or not?

A lot of the time people don't have a spouse and kids and a house and a career - the operative word is often OR. They got a kid, but the marriage failed, and mom is raising the kid alone. Or people are married but know they couldn't handle a kid. Or autistic women end up as stay-at-home moms because there is no way they can juggle both motherhood and a career.

Also, a younger person who can't stand to have anyone touch them.....marriage would be hell for such a person. And do remember that in some countries autistic people are forced into marriages, and it's nothing to dream about. Part of growing up is finding out what works for you, not whatever Hollywood tells you everyone ought to want.

The thing is....sometimes when people are pushed hard, they achieve a lot. But the cost can be enormous.

Also, as you can see yourself, there is a huge difference between people like yourself, who get a lot of support, and someone like Jacoby, who's basically been neglected. I'm not saying your life is easy - I get it that not everything is shared on WP, but you seem like an emotionally stable person. A lot of people here are not.

I understand this. I can imagine that someone struggling considerably would look at me and feel that I've got it easy.

And I do. I've got a great life, overall.

I have a wonderful husband and daughter, I run my own business successfully and I'm very happy with my life. I wouldn't trade what I've got for anything.

But, it's the things below the surface that lead to the later-in-life diagnosis.

It's the fact that most people, NT or not, would love to be in the position of being a successful business owner. I know that, in that respect, I'm living the dream. But, it was a necessity because I was not coping with the working environment. Because I can successfully be my own boss and give myself the accommodations I need, but being someone else's employee does not work for me. That's a door that is closed to me, even though the door that is open is one that most would love to walk through. In an attempt to build up my business, and before I knew I was autistic, I threw myself into all sorts of uncomfortable business meetings that actually harmed my relationships with clients. I had those that communicated with me online and knew that I was great at what I did, but they found it more convenient to talk in person and so I arranged meetings that I didn't want to attend, and I came across as uncomfortable and clueless. I attended networking events month after month, just to walk in awkwardly and stand on my own with no clue what to do, because networking is one of the best ways to find new clients. I put myself through hellish anxiety with each networking event, spent weeks building up to each agonising meeting and spent every day terrified of the business phone ringing - whilst feeling like having a business phone number was essential - because that was the only way I knew to make things work. Now, with my diagnosis, I understand why I found all of this so difficult and what I can do about it, so I've given myself accommodations that work. A few of those necessary accommodations, I'd already given myself before I knew about my autism - simply because without the accommodations, I was breaking.

In my personal life, I got lucky. Exceptionally lucky. I met the only person in my life that had ever given me a chance and got to know me, and it so happened that we fell in love after years of close friendship. Until very recently, my husband remained the only person that had ever chosen to be my friend. It's pure chance. As a result I now have the amazing marriage and the incredible family, but it was pure chance. If I hadn't met my husband - that one person - I could still be a lonely, reclusive mess. Right now I'm happy, self-confident and doing fantastically, but without his support I was the teenager/young adult being bullied constantly, with no friends and no self-confidence. And I could still be like that, if it weren't for the two of us crossing paths when I was 18.

A lot of it is luck. A lot was finding ways to accommodate my needs before I knew what those needs actually were. The rest was powering through until breaking point, then having to get up and do it all again, because that was the only option.

But that's a third hand account. It is not valuable evidence. How do I know that things were as you think you saw them?

If you are saying one must have the same thoughts, attitudes, feelings etc as a particular group one is referring to, in order to postulate why they behave a certain way, I don't believe that's how it works.
My own group are those who were those diagnosed with severe classic autism, which sets me aside from the larger group being discussed.

Last edited by EzraS on 03 Jan 2017, 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

How do you know things are as I have seen them? You yourself backed it up (see below):

I'm not sure how your quote and mine relate to each other. You are talking about something you witnessed. I am talking about my own experience.

Well perhaps that depends on where you are encountering these young people. If it's been on a public social media format, I have witnessed such occurrences as you described taking place. If you were describing private encounters you've had with young people or even imaginary ones, I have still seen the scenario you described, play out on public social media formats. Now I'm sure given your pattern, this will go several more rounds, so give me your next shot.