Does anyone else here absolutely hate having AS?

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And as long as you have that attitude, you will never have real friends or someone to love. People who love you (whether in the sense of eros or agape) love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. If you create a pretend person to portray, there are those who will hang around that, but they'll never get to know you - until the first time you get exhausted in their presence and break through the facade, at which point they'll either get to know you or go away because you lied to them. Building a granfaloon is never the solution to loneliness; it just leaves you without even yourself for company. A sad state of affairs, indeed...

The problem is that I start to scare people off when I try to be myself.

My last group of friends asked where I like to go and hang out. I told them I like to go dance at clubs and listen to rock bands perform at resaurants and bars. When I asked if any of them wanted to go with me, it pretty much scared them away and they made up all these excuses. They invited me to do things like go bowling or to the movies, but stuff like that doesn't appeal to me at all. I might as well just go and do the things I enjoy alone. I just wish I had people to go with; it would be a lot more fun to watch one of the bands I like and be able to discuss it with a friend in between songs.

Since I came to WP, its been FANTASTIC having AS.

Sometimes I really hate having it....but that's mostly when I'm depressed.

You have no interests in common with these people at all - and these are your friends?

I'd be interested to see your criteria are for the category.

Trust me - unless you're hanging out in downtown St George, Utah, or on the campus of Falwell's college, there are plenty of people who like going to clubs and listening to bands. Heck, in San Diego (where I was stuck until recently), you could pack a club with an appearance by the Rugburns! (Ever heard of the Rugburns? My point exactly.) You don't have to drop everything you like, and pretend an interest in things that bore you to tears, just to "hang out" with people. Once you start down that road, "hanging out" becomes an end in itself, and before long, you find that there isn't anything that makes you happy any more. And believe me - that's no way to live.

First thing I learned after coming to WP was to NOT hate having it. You gotta be yourself to be comfortable, and yourself is having AS if you really have it.

Helps me.

I don't like having AS. I wish I didn't have it.

I'm definitley a self hating "aspie". Man, I even hate that f****** word. First time I've ever used it, in fact. Just sounds like somebody who's a member of a stupid club who meets in aspen. I hate having trouble communicating, I hate feeling trapped in my mind. I hate that I always resist change even though it's good for me. I hate how I can't maintain relationships...sometimes .sometimes it gets so lousy, that I can understand why someone would commit suicide, although I could never do it myself. not becuase I'm morally opposed, just because I hate the unknown and physical pain, and I'm afraid of death...... thats why I could never willingly hurt myself although suppose I do sort of do the slow suicide, of smoking, drinking, drugs, food......I'm no sad sack though, I enjoy myself, in my own way.

But there is a good side to having AS as well.

yea, I shouldn't say I hate things about myself, I just dislike them. Hate is too strong a word.....plus I don't even wanna be close to one of those self hating bitter losers who wants to castrate themselves or something...Im just a jolly pessimist......yup, I'm easily swayed...lol

yea there are pros, and cons.....but depending on who you are there could be more cons.

I hate AS as well. I've only told one person about my autism, but he's on a different continent altogether.

I'm not proud of being autistic. There are many things I can't do (even though there are many more things that I can) but unless they find a cure, I suppose I'll have to make the best of it.

They will never find a cure because AS is not a disease. What you mean is 'if they ever find some ridiculous drug that will turn us all into NTs.'

There are some times I really hate it. I hate doing stupid things that could give people the impression I'm not too bright, even though I have a Master's in English. I have a job I do well in, and have some friends. As for marriage, I don't think I'll ever find that right person. Plus, I am so comfortable in my routine now that to change for another person would be almost impossible. The man I love must love cats and other animals and share my basic values.

I don't like having to take medication for seizures. Neither my AS nor my seizure disorder are severe, and my problem is under complete control with medication, but they exist. I would like to have my basic intelligence and be normal.

The saddest thing is, I don't think I was born this way. My mother said I was bright, even sociable as a child. I had some unusual characteristics, but not the full AS picture.

I sometimes feel guilty even being here, because so many people here have more severe problems than I have. I had no learning problems (academics were, in fact, my strong point). I didn't have very many friends growing up, but that was to be expected given the way I was then. I realize I caused most of my problems. I should have been able to make the decision to solve them. I wasn't, and am not, stupid. I knew the right answers, but didn't put them into practice, and I regret that.

The example of Roger Bannister inspires me. He felt a sense of not belonging when he was growing up, and went on to achieve greatness. I am not in his league, but I'm not hopeless, either.

9CatMom, I hate to break it to you, but NTs also do things that make people think they're stupid. At least when you're AS, they're usually entertaining things... Your requirements in a mate would probably also be the same if you were NT - if you love cats, and marry someone who hates them, one of you is going to be miserable pretty much of the time. Same principle applies to your basic values - a card-carrying member of the ACLU is not going to be happy with Liberty Univeristy's Dean of Students, no matter how cute they each might think the other to be.