The bit about not categorizing people absolutely floored me. I didn't even realize that was an autistic trait, but I suppose, looking at my own life, that it makes perfect sense.
I'm a white woman, but was in a long-term serious relationship with a black man, not because he was black (so many people assume our relationship meant I have a "color preference" or some sort of weird fetish), but because he was the first person I ever met who could match me intellectually. (I apologize if that sounds like bragging; I swear I don't mean it that way.) I was forever the nerdy GT kid with my nose buried in a thick book about neurology or astronomy or the history of Russia or whatever, and I hated that I had to speak carefully to my age peers to avoid using words or phrases that would risk eliciting the dreaded "Uhhh...what does that mean?" response. When I met J, I discovered that he knew all the words I knew, and was interested in many of the same subjects, which was amazing and exciting. It didn't hurt that he was super athletic, handsome, and always nicely dressed. We frequently had long, involved conversations about everything from the modern-day political landscape and the pros and cons of China's one-child policy to the history of religious atrocities and the strategies used by Genghis Khan's cavalry in conquering most of Asia. It turned out we even had a lot of the same quirks in common, like being night owls, having an odd preference for the number 8, and reading the dictionary for fun. Much later, we would learn that we were both on the higher-functioning end of the autism spectrum, which explained a lot. We were inseparable for many years until other factors pushed us apart (and by that time, we had four kids, two of whom are also on the spectrum). But anyway, it took me a couple of years to finally realize that the difference in our skin colors really meant something to people, to the point that it was the defining factor of our relationship (from their perspective). Meanwhile, I didn't give it any more thought than most people would give to a difference in eye color, or to a minor variation in height. For me, quantity of melanin is just one more physical variable, but for a lot of people, it seems to mean so much more.
On top of that, I have friends and family members from almost every imaginable background: Black, Hispanic, Asian, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Wiccan, Pagan, atheist, rich, poor, middle-class, old, young, middle-aged, foreign-born, disabled, classically beautiful, painfully plain, skinny, fat... Basically, if you have high integrity, a good (i.e. f**ked-up) sense of humor, are reasonably intelligent, and aren't a total as*hole, then WE'RE FRIENDS. I don't care about what you look like. I'd never figured out why so many other people do. I thought maybe I was just weird.
So in conclusion, your post just cleared up something I've been puzzling over off and on for nearly 18 years. Thanks for that!