Why do we hate ourselves?
I think I've found a reason why a lot of Aspies or autistics hate themselves. It's because a lot of us experienced, or have experienced at some point, NT people saying mean things to our faces and getting away with it, but we're always taught NOT to ever say anything to hurt their feelings. This rule often backfires, and as humans, makes us feel emotional towards it, causing self-loathing.
I had hurtful things said to me as a teenager, by my peers. They'd just say mean things to my face, and be totally unaffected by how I felt afterwards. I never said anything to upset them, but I knew that if I did, I would pay for it.
One time I got so fed up with being left out and isolated by mostly a girl in my class who hated me just for being an Aspie, that I told my brother. He got protective, and went over to this girl in school and gave her a piece of his mind for not giving a damn about his little sister's feelings. After that, this girl was even angrier at me. She said that my brother 'scared' her, and it ruined the rest of her summer. But what the f**k did she expect? How would SHE feel if I was mean to HER because of something she couldn't help? How would SHE feel if I socially isolated her and made her feel left out and alone? And how would SHE feel about ME if I was mean yet always accepted by the other girls, which she saw every day in school?
Being an Aspie is just not fair.
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CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 117,447
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
I was a Challenged Social Communicator as a child. I had no self-awareness, so had no idea what others were thinking about me. So if there was any bullying, I was completely unaware. Other children were quick to see that I was different, very forgiving of my differences, and ready to volunteer help. So there probably was not any bullying to begin with. I also had no desire to do any bullying myself. So since I never tried, I also never "failed" to get away with it either. Either way, I saw no unfairness to cause me to hate either those that got away with it, myself for not being able to get away with it, or the people failing to uphold fairness.
My parents had high expectations of me but they were never being "hard on me", they always tried to be encouraging and supportive. So I was never taught to hate myself either.
I hate my autism because the same disorder that makes it hard for some to understand Neurotypicals, making them sad, nervous, or frustrated, makes it hard for me to understand any part of my world, making me nervous and frustrated about sensory input and changes in my environment or routine.
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31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.
Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)
"I am silently correcting your grammar."
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