what are your Social skills deficits?

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- being critical, especially of poor customer service
- letting displeasure show by my tone of voice
- facial expressions I am not aware I am making
- taking a petty pleasure in the downfalls of those who have made trouble for me (not sure if that counts as a social skills deficit, or a moral failing)
- grouchy when I am in physical or emotional pain, which is often the case
- don't suffer fools gladly
- uncomfortable with extemporaneous public speaking

But I also have some social skills strengths:
- assertive
- self-confident in most social situations (even if I may not care for them)
- ability to be in an intimate relationship
- can make small talk
- ability to understand the motivations of multiple parties in an encounter

I’m extremely shy and not very good at opening up to people, so I have trouble making friendships.

I’m not assertive enough.

I don’t like loud noises, so I have trouble being around people who are loud.

I am kind, empathetic, and a good listener, though, so people like me.

I used to be bad at these. I've gotten better with practice. Still probably below-average though.


That's not something anyone can do, so everyone is bad at it. It is weird, though, that some people still expect it.


I might overcompensate for that sometimes. I know how to move my face to show the emotion I intend to display. So I do it.

I may be like that. Though again, with practice I've learned more subtle expressions.


If I'm at work, I go with the "have a good day" and "you too" repetition.
If I'm at a public event, I don't have to do things the correct way and can straight-up ask strangers about their favorite brand of cheese.



I'm still a literal thinker. I don't see that as a problem. Everyone else is the problem for saying things they don't mean.


Doesn't everyone do that?
I've done it even with my best friends who I know would forgive me if I said something dumb.


I thought, "What, sense of norm? Who needs that? What even is that- ..Oh. I guess I don't have one."


Yeah. It's always been one-sided on one direction or the other. Until recently. I might actually have two friends who like me as much as I like them and vice-versa, and it's mind-boggling.


Same.


Oh, that's simple. Just alternate looking toward them and saying, "Huh." Then if they pause, make a comment about the last thing they said. (And hope there won't be a quiz afterward.)


That's probably mostly an introversion thing. But it could also be the amount of energy being spent to come across right.





https://xkcd.com/1593/
https://xkcd.com/1324/


I like how Bea mentioned strengths. Rather than just focusing on the negative.

-People like me. And they often find my quirks amusing.
-I don't get stage fright.
-I tend to be oblivious to social drama, which may seem a deficit, but it means I'm unaffected by it and have a resilience others don't have.
-I know that many people feel awkward on a first interaction, so if I show them that I'm more awkward than they, it sometimes puts them more at ease so they're less nervous, and I'm not nervous because I went into the interaction without certain expectations.
-Skipping small talk means skipping conversations with people who have nothing to say and finding more people who legitimately converse.
https://xkcd.com/1324/

What arent my social skills deficits?

IS* it more effective... to be bitingly stoic or sarcastic than to be non confrontational and passive aggressive?

Initiating conversations
Sustaining conversations
Making friends

I am sure there are others. My social skills are reckoned to be very poor.

Poor volume control, mostly too soft-spoken, occasionally too loud.

Probably not looking at people much, which may come over as disinterest.

Quickly fatigued by a hectic social environment - background noise and rapidly-changing demands.

Says too much or nothing.

Social anxiety fogging the mind and diverting energy from positive development and enjoyment into over-avoidance of harm. I don't do enough probing for shared interests, which are so vital for good friendship.

When trying to help, I can still goof and project my own experiences which don't really fit the person, instead of listening and questioning till I understand the problem. It's got better over time, but I wish my own ideas weren't so bloody fascinating to me when they first occur.

There's probably other things too.

Forgetting that small talk is not meant to devolve into a more involved conversation most times. I need to pay attention to the cues that most of the people at the thrift store I volunteer at are especially interested in anything I have to say. I do however ask them questions and show an interest in learning. I'm just helping out for the summer as Episcopalians pledge to do works of Corporal Mercy. My mission was to help people in need.

These other workers are nice. I'm not going to trash them. Not their fault I'm ASD.