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irishwhistle
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02 Jun 2007, 2:57 am

Well, I'm more glad than ever that I don't do any serious stuff in WoW. I usually don't team at all, and have no time for raids and the bigger stuff. Fact is, I like going in to play at my own rate, and I like the fact that WoW allows a player to remain mostly aloof from others. I can't even deal with the odd rude remark lately. I've just got no tolerance for mean-spirited behavior lately.

Folks like to suggest that everyone gets teased sometimes, that we all need to rise above it. I've never quite been able to get free of that feeling enough to rise above. One laugh, even one smile in my direction and it's like I'm walking down the hall of the jr high school all over again. I drove home crying Monday because a group of idiots in a car turned and laughed in my direction, if not actually at ME, after the driver almost swerved into me upon realizing he was turning in the wrong place. I wonder if they would have bloody cared if they had seen me sobbing one minute after they actually turned. I doubt it very much.

I'm 34 and I still don't seem to be able to rise.

Part of it is the traffic here in Southern California. Meanness abounds in the driving of selfish people. I intend someday to draw a picture of a crowd of people pushing and struggle and crushing one another trying to reach some worthless trinket... as a way to illustrate what they drive like here. They get right on your bumper, frighten you, bully you, then whip around you like you were the only thing stopping them from becoming the thing they want most... And that's just the common ones.

I'm considering getting a bumper sticker that says, "If you think mankind is basically good, you haven't driven in California traffic."


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PLA
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02 Jun 2007, 3:42 am

I bullied some people in the past, but I made sure to stop before they started taking it seriously, and when I -or someone else - crossed that line I stopped it and apologized.
I'm not an incredibly "Good-Guy" myself, but I don't see the point in really hurting people.


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Deathklaat
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05 Mar 2008, 1:29 pm

MrMacPhisto wrote:
Don't react then they will stop the more you react the more they will do it. I'm speaking from expeirence
They usually don't care about that; they just do it anyway.


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Deathklaat
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05 Mar 2008, 1:36 pm

Being mean and cool is funny because "only the weak people stick up for the little guys."


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Wolfpup
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05 Mar 2008, 1:51 pm

Uh...people who stand up for people aren't weak :D



Deathklaat
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05 Mar 2008, 1:54 pm

That's what the quotes meant. This is not what I believe, just what I saw some idiot write.


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Deathklaat
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05 Mar 2008, 1:55 pm

He said that people who stand up for others do so because they can't stand up for themselves.


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05 Mar 2008, 2:00 pm

I remember this one time a boy in my class during middle school put a coat in the sink and turned the water on. It turned out to be the teacher's coat. When questioned by a very angry science teacher as to why he had done such a thing. The boy's excuse was that he thought it was mine, as if that would get him out of trouble. He got suspended for two days and never picked on me again after that.



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05 Mar 2008, 2:04 pm

Deathklaat wrote:
He said that people who stand up for others do so because they can't stand up for themselves.

I'd have to actually agree with that. I myself was never good at standing up for myself when I was the one being bullied, but when it was someone else that was being picked on I had no problems in taking a stand.



Griff
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05 Mar 2008, 2:39 pm

Esperanza wrote:
I don't get it. People make me RAGE. I've been going into these fits of blind rage lately and I end up in tears.

I'm angry because I am so bloody sick and tired of people doing mean things and thinking it's cool or funny. Then if I call them on it they think that's GREAT and they laugh and laugh. Then they do it some more.

I would never do something mean to someone because I thought it was funny or cool. Why do people do that? How do you make them stop?
They're sociopathic weirdoes. Don't let them convince you that everyone participates in their behavior. They'll always try, and they'll always live with a deep conviction that they're in some overwhelming majority versus you. You think you're messed-up? These are the kind of people who find themselves in and out of prisons. They're so screwed-up that normal people won't even be forgiving enough to diagnose them with some mitigating psychiatric disorder. They're just thrown into penitentiaries and treated like the filth they are. They're the reason that prisons are such a valuable and beloved institution. They're hated. They're the justification for this emotion.

The worst vermin are those who will try to convince you that everyone participates in their abominable behavior. Really, most normal people prefer to mind their own business. The main people they dislike are those who can't comprehend this idea, whether it's a particularly obnoxious Aspie or one of the sociopathic lunatics who keep our lives unbearable. The lunatics will find you much more difficult to victimize when you have instilled in your mind that they're not some massive army of people sharing a joke at your expense. They're lone as*holes who will eventually be treated as such, and your nearest neighbor probably isn't even completely aware of what's going on. That's why some of them laugh even though they don't really have anything to do with it. All they see is some people making a scene, and, unfortunately, any kind of spectacle is usually going to cause people to laugh unless they know of a good reason not to think it's funny. The vermin take advantage of this behavior, and they use it to convince you that everyone is out to get you. It's a lie. It's an illusion.

Perhaps you should try explaining to those who aren't picking on you why you have these meltdowns. Try to explain that this behavior isn't entirely under your control and that it's really out of sync with what you want your character to be. Ask for help. Most people would be a little repulsed if they realized that someone was intentionally doing something to take advantage of another person's weaknesses. Your biggest weakness right now, though, is that you haven't communicated this problem to those around you, and they're not going to know the right way to react until you have.

Trust me, though. The vermin will find it much more difficult to torment you in this way when you have realized how alone and pathetic they truly are. Your peers will eventually get tired of them and have them thrown in a tiny, little cell somewhere. You? Well, if you can't get control of your meltdowns, the worst they'll do is put you on some kind of med that might prevent you from having the meltdowns, but you'll otherwise be treated pretty well by society at large. You won't always appreciate it, but most people realize, upon closer examination, that you really mean well. They will accept and appreciate that you try to be a good person, and, most of the time, they will try to help you, to some extent, if you just have the sense to ask.



Mikhaillost
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05 Mar 2008, 3:34 pm

I don't think you mean it as I am taking it. But I have a few friends and we are mean to each other all the time. Like. I will tell them they are ugly/stupid/worthless and they will come back with something wittier than anything I can ever think up.

Maybe they misunderstand how you are taking it.... ? I might be reading it wrong.



Social_Fantom
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05 Mar 2008, 4:04 pm

Esperanza wrote:
I don't get it. People make me RAGE. I've been going into these fits of blind rage lately and I end up in tears.

I'm angry because I am so bloody sick and tired of people doing mean things and thinking it's cool or funny. Then if I call them on it they think that's GREAT and they laugh and laugh. Then they do it some more.

I would never do something mean to someone because I thought it was funny or cool. Why do people do that? How do you make them stop?


I know, and also if you try to defend someone or even yourself, you are made out to be the bad guy. Why? Are we breaking some kind of rule that says anyone who's bullied can't defend themselves or others? All my life, I've been considered the bad guy by my peers because I take up for someone being bullied. I just like to help people in any way I can, even on this forum.


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Brittany2907
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05 Mar 2008, 4:08 pm

Esperanza wrote:
I don't get it. People make me RAGE. I've been going into these fits of blind rage lately and I end up in tears.

I'm angry because I am so bloody sick and tired of people doing mean things and thinking it's cool or funny. Then if I call them on it they think that's GREAT and they laugh and laugh. Then they do it some more.

I would never do something mean to someone because I thought it was funny or cool. Why do people do that? How do you make them stop?


People often say mean things to another person to make themselves feel bigger and stronger...when really they are fragile.
The best thing to do is ignore it. The less you pay attention to what they are saying to you, the less likely they will enjoy it and there for, they might stop.


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Griff
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05 Mar 2008, 4:50 pm

Social_Fantom wrote:
I know, and also if you try to defend someone or even yourself, you are made out to be the bad guy. Why? Are we breaking some kind of rule that says anyone who's bullied can't defend themselves or others? All my life, I've been considered the bad guy by my peers because I take up for someone being bullied. I just like to help people in any way I can, even on this forum.
Under these circumstances, helping is non-topical. Single out those whom you view as vermin, and set out to destroy them during their moments of weakness. This is the only effective strategy. A campaign of extermination must be fought. We must cull the herd. We must not allow the vermin to propagate. Their remorseless cruelty makes them a liability. Their downfall serves us all.



Syd
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05 Mar 2008, 4:55 pm

What Brittany is referring to can be defined as displacement or projection, depending on the circumstances. These are scenarios in which malicious intent was involved. It's important to keep in mind that not all verbal exchanges perceived as insults are meant to offend, many are attempts at humor.

Now, regardless of what was intended by the speaker - the recipient ultimately has the discretion as an individual to interpret and define the message subjectively. In other words, the receiver decides what is offensive and what is not. The receiver is just as responsible as the speaker. Humor is a mature defense mechanism, while displacement and projection are immature. Those who laugh at insults have a sophisticated understanding of emotional intelligence. It's something that can be learned, and will greatly benefit all who are willing to put in the effort to do so.



Griff
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05 Mar 2008, 5:03 pm

Insults that appear in the context of social banter are generally a verbal manifestation of the romping that you often see between puppies. They are not attempting to destroy one another. They are preparing one another for true combat. Non-mortal wounds should be overlooked when no others are offered. Destroy only those who lack the capacity for feeling remorse when someone actually gets hurt. It is the remorselessness which makes them a liability. Coarse humor can be tolerated when practiced with restraint.