trouble saying affectionate things?

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I dislike the name thing too. I will often refer to people by their function, or position - the neighbour, the doctor, the boss. It seems more succinct to me anyway, especially if that person only fills that role in my experience.
People have told me that's "depersonalizing," especially coupled with the fact that I often refer to people inanimately - saying things like "what did it say?" Instead of you/he/she, or "when are you creatures coming back?"
I don't mean anything negative by it. I just avoid the more intimate terms.

Total agree with the name thing, I find it too personal and get really freaked out if someone I am not really close to uses my name, i think I always think people using my name are trying to get round me or have me over in some way maybe because those sales type people are encouraged too address possible customers ect by name to make out they are friends ect.

This is a really big one for me as well and I'm not entirely sure why although I know for a fact that it's a fundamental Autistic trait.

If I had to surmise my reasons for lack of affection I would say intense panic takes over that I will be acting inappropriately or I've noticed that NTs see kindness and affection as weakness so I'm afraid that someone will see the opportunity to take advantage of me somehow.

Also perhaps that my relationship with whoever I showed affection to will turn weird and then they will socially isolate me and figure out my Autistic secret.

As well I think it's because that I don't have any emotional control that I will turn into a weeping and sobbing and crying mess in front of them if I I show affection and I will simply take it too far.

I definitely cringe when someone says my name. I didn't think about it before that I don't use names, but now that I'm reading this, I know I do avoid it.

I was always the cold uncaring type... well that's how I came off and I admit I was a little bit. Not that I did NOT care but I didn't understand certain things that others cared about. I learned that if I wanted to be close to others that I should say affectionate things even if I didn't understand them. Even the really cheesey things that seem to be played on repeat like a record and go without saying. But I learned after awhile that they are important and even I need to hear them... I guess that seems obvious to some folks but not to me! I still struggle with it sometimes though and I have to remind myself to say them. They mean the world to my family and show that I care.

I suppose though your issue is feeling worried and anxious about saying them. That I can't really help much with. All I can suggest is to start with small little digestible bite size pieces. For instance praising people for doing well at something even if it's a small accomplishment and then work your way up. I hope this helps...

With me it depends on how people use my name, it might be genuinely affectionate and it might not be. Sometimes I can see that they need to use my name when addressing me in a group, just for the practical purpose of clarifying who they're talking to, and I don't mind that. Otherwise, I feel good about my name being used when they seem to be using it in a genuinely warm, friendly or caring way, when their words are welcome, but not when their surrounding words are overbearing, threatening, insincere or otherwise nasty. So I guess for me it works as an amplifier to what's already going down, it makes what they're saying more personal, which I suppose is why they use my name. I remember telling an acquaintance "don't use my name when you're having a go at me, it only makes it worse."

I don't use people's names much in "good" social situations, mostly because I can rarely remember them - sometimes I'm not sure I've remembered the name right and then I avoid using it because of the risk of getting it wrong (which I gather can come over as quite an insult) but when I can remember them, I like to use them as long as it's definitely a friendly, cordial situation. If it's not, it depends on how high a regard I have for the person. I like to be respectful to most people, so if I'm criticising or contradicting them, I'll usually avoid rubbing it in with their name - don't know if that does any good or not, like I said I appreciate it if it's the other way round, but I don't know if most folks feel the same way as I do. Maybe somebody can tell me? Occasionally I'll be dealing with somebody who is pissing me off, and I'll use their name just to add force to my counter-attack.

It never occurred to me until now, reading this, that somehow fear of rejection is the actual reason for not being able to say "I love you", or give complements, etc.
It's as if, in spite of the autism, some part of us (instinctively) knows that when we say this stuff it's like were kinda hitting on them or asking them out.

It's similar to the way you sorta know that when you ask a person you're not attracted to for directions, change for vending machines, etc. that it's not asking them out BUT if that person is someone you're attracted to then you feel like you kinda are.

Oh, the times a salesman has tried to say he knows someone in my family to try and loosen me up.

I've always had issues in properly verbalizing my emotions, regardless of what they are.

I do too.

It makes me feel awkward. Worse yet, when they are being overly affectionate using words like sweety and dear, it makes me feel disgusted.

I'm strongly alexithymic, I don't really think about saying affectionate things as I'm not really "in touch" with this side. I don't think about giving compliments either and am uncomfortable receiving them.

When I grew up with a few exceptions males were expected not to show emotion. It was considered a sign of weakness and homosexuality which was very heavily stigmatized at the time.

Front-Runner Ed Muskie's Tears (or Melted Snow?) Hurt His Presidential Bid

I remember that occurring vividly.

Wow have times changed. Now when male politicians(not women) cry it is seen as a positive, a sign he has empathy.

So do I, I can never find the right words to express my emotions.

I absolutely do not have this issue.

I have a hard time being affectionate. It's not so much rejection for me, it's very awkward and I don't like being mushy.