Treated like it's OUR FAULT

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GTFO troll.

Oh dear. Please do try to be optimistic. There's no use in being uncomfortable in your own skin.

I do understand why AspieSister would say the things she has. I sometimes try to talk to the members here who are unemployed, didn't graduate, are depressed etc. in an attempt to help them, but then people think I'm being an as*hole somehow. Another thing is when I say things such as 'I like going to school' and people are shocked an Aspie could enjoy school, and conclude there's no way I could be Aspie.

Really, where is the wrong in trying to teach someone to fish? Even if you fail to, or become misunderstood, it's the intention that really matters, isn't it?

I have a simpler explanation: a person who does not think that AS is a disease does not complain because s/he does not have what to complain of. There is no need for additional term like 'learned helplessness'.
Don't blame us for being helpless, it's not true.

Don't you guys think that mild autism is way easier than paralyzing , cancer or classic autism?

I mean mild autism is like cool water compared to the these 3 diseases which are hell's water.

I am not saying that mild autism can't be socially hard sometimes but way less than these diseases for sure :S

I dont like it when people feel sorry for me because of my social ways, if i cant think of a reason for it then why should anybody else, im no pet.

My ex always acted like this was a choice...like I "chose" to be this way and if I wanted I could "choose" to be the way he wanted me to be...more social, etc.

Wish it was that dam* easy.

I am being optimistic in the sense that I am playing on my strengths I go to school too, and am looking to graduate this december summa cum laude (or magna if I mess up). It isn't because I go home and study, in fact, I don't even open the books for most classes, don't need to take notes in class, and the only thing I do at home pertaining to school is the assigned work.

However, in the three years it will have taken me to get my degree (one year early), I haven't made a friend. I make an effort to help people out with projects and so forth, but it has never developed in to anything more than a professional type relationship.

The reason I'm bitter is because I find tremendous sucess in what I do as long as it doesn't involve interpersonal relationships... maybe I just have a case of "the grass is greener on the other side," but I'm reminded of this every single day, and it wears me down very thin. It's like playing a game every day and losing, and on top of losing, everyone is getting better at the game, while you don't improve at all.

Yeah I often think that my life would be easier if I was more severly affected. It was kinda good when I was a kid because I had to wear a hearing aid in my right ear. So when kids and adults would look at me they would assume automatically that their was something wrong with me. So that made it easie. But now I look completly normal so it isn't till people get to know me that they find out the truth.

I can see why he's your ex.

All my life I was told that I WAS able to socialise, that I just needed to try harder, or be less shy, or whatever. Guess what? By this time I have given up - I am NOT capable of socialising normally. I have come to believe it out of bitter experience, not because anyone else said it.

I'm past blaming others for what is not their fault. People who act like I choose not to socialise are stupid, but it's not other people's fault that i fail to socialise - the problem lies in myself.

I think it's silly to say it's a choice, all my life I've tried to socialize and even learned some rules but it never works out. I am always cast out because of who I am, and people don't want to hang around me. They don't respect me because of my Asperger and how it has made me.
Are you saying I have to change and make myself unhappy by being someone I'm not, and comply to everyone elses rules and wishes on how I should be in order to fit in?

I think it's you who are deluded, because you lack the understanding of Asperger and are as ignorant as a massive amount of other people. It is not our fault because of the way we are, and there are certain things we cannot help because of the way our brain chemistry is composed.

Do you tell a schizophrenic to stop hearing voices, and he can if he has the will? Or someone with Alzheimers, do you tell them that they can remember everything if they just want to? This is silly, blaming it on us and calling us weak. You are part of the cause to why we might feel weak, because you tell us to "suck it up".

It is a choice, now i understand everyone has had their falls and struggles, but at some point this person must suck it up and change if they want to grow. Complying to other people's rules is part of life, be it your parents, a job's, the governments, point is you learn to abide by certain rules and restrain from crossing them. Im sure you already know that many benefits come from having rules, reduced crime, justice, the ability to play games....fun, I think aspergers definitely makes it a bit more difficult but thats not to say its impossible, it just takes more effort, now ill respect someone if they refuse to be something theyre not, but if they refuse to interact with me because they feel like the only way that can talk to me is by not being themselves then i wouldnt really want to associate myself with them anyway. Who knows what this person is really thinking, maybe their just trying to take advantage of me or constantly trying to make me look stupid, i dont know but it makes me uncomfortable. Ill tell you i know few people like this, some of my best friends are the ones that just act themselves, including when they cross lines and do something they shouldnt, but hey if they accept when they did wrong, then surely i too have that same privilege.

Change is part of being human, although it sucks, thats the only way to survive.

I must not be too human then, cause I don't handle change well. Also I do not seek nor require social comfort, or interaction. I will not change my personality based on what others expect me to do and say.

I didn't know I had Asperger til I was 14ish, and by then I had already been told numerous times to be more social, stop being shy and so on. Of course none of that helped, because when I tried to be myself I was just cast out immediately and bullied.

Life is crap and to some it is not a matter of choice. You may have been able to change, but that could be because your Asperger isn't as severe as others - or you simply don't have it! It even says in your profile that you're not sure if you have it or not. So how can you say you understand someone who has had it officially diagnosed and suffered a life where no one really understood you and all told you _NOT_ to act that way. Like it was your fault and you were just being a rude bastard, like you were a bad person.

It wasn't until I was diagnosed with Asperger that people stopped putting those faults on me, then they realized that some things were more difficult for me than for others. But there are still people out there that go and tell me it is just a matter of choice.

I realize it's a bad analogy but would you tell someone with down syndrome to stop being dumb? Would you tell someone who's paralyzed to stop being lazy and start walking?

I don't think you understand the severity some people suffer because of ignorance, and if people were just to educate themselves better and not just say "It's YOUR choice" and instead make it their own choice to accept that others will not always be in their little herd.

Cryowolf -- what I said was sarcasm... and in retrospect it was inappropriate. The idea to "suck it up" was based on what some of the people with AS had told me on this forum.

In a thread I posted regarding wanting to learn the best way to encourage him on his terms -- in a way where I did not make him feel less than, incapable, helpless, or unable to help himself.

I don't believe I am one of the reasons a person with AS would feel weak or helpless... quite the opposite, but I know why you would think that based on my post... not knowing where it came from. For that, I apologize.

As far as choices and responsibility... I do understand and believe that a person with AS is "capable". Their levels of capability in different areas will vary person to person, just like anything else. The responsibility comes in for a person with AS on the level of knowing themselves, knowing their limitations (if any) and knowing when, where, and how to seek guidance in those areas. And truthfully... that's just part of being human... AS or not we all have areas where we need a little guidance or advice or encouragement.

So... I'm sorry... and no, I'd never tell someone in a wheelchair to get up and walk, or tell someone with Alzheimers to just remember what they want to... I wouldn't say that anymore than I would tell someone with AS to get up and move on with life as if nothing was difficult. It just gets very, very difficult to muster compassion for someone who at every effort of help bites your hand off.

Well personally I've never bitten anyones hand off, but when someone asks me "Would it help IF" and I say "no" - that's not biting anyones hand off that's just answering truthfully from what I know about myself.

Perhaps had I known I had Asperger from a very young age and been raised knowing I had it, and given lessons etc in social interaction - things would of been different. But it's very hard to "deprogram" 22 years of experience, whether you have Asperger or not. I am sure I speak for a lot of people when I say that, of course in different positions.

Myself wouldn't mind getting help and stuff, but whenever I try to find friends they are either not interested in anything I am; or they don't live anywhere near me. It's very hard for me with Asperger to enter a conversation about something I don't care about. It would truthfully drive me nuts! Most of the suggestions I receive are simply "Just go out!" and that's the silliest suggestion I've ever heard...The problem is I don't go out, I don't want to and it's exhausting to socialize on such magnitude that I would on going out.

I have very few friends IRL, and those I do have I don't see often because they now live so damn far away it's impossible to see them regulary. The world is kind of insensitive and unaccepting towards people who are different.

I guess we're just different. I tend to memorise stuff from school very easily, but my grades are in the 70-80's because I have a very difficult time following instructions, remembering to do things, being distracted by things at times, or being cuckholded by circumstance. I do realize I have problems sometimes and want to correct them, academic study and intellect is important to me. Congrats on the honors, though.

Socialising tends to be very low on my list of to do's, IE I never leave the house unless necessary, or forced to. I've made 1 or 2 good friends, they both are weirdos too but they are more well adjusted socially than I am. I tend to dislike talking to people, but I have a few aquantances who seem to think I'm quirky or something. I dunno, I guess the grass is greener definitely holds true. Whereas you don't make friends you grow jealous of those who do, and where I struggle to be intelligent and develop the way I'd hope you seem to be able to do those things naturally.

But I don't want to be bitter about nothing. I see people grow in relationships all the time, I hear about parties in offhand conversations, I see people having fun with eachother so naturally and reacting to eachother in ways I can't grasp all the time. I can't tell people I'm a recluse, I'd lose the few friends I have or just get bullied for it. So I guess a part of me wonders what everyone else has that I don't, but I'm not bitter. Like I said, socialising is of little importance to me. If you can't be happy with your own life, if you aren't satisfied with the effort you're making, then there's no real point is there?