I don't know how to interact with children

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Roo95
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30 Dec 2017, 7:04 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:

Agree with Fluffysaurus. My son is NT and so am I. His dad and most of his dad's family are autistic. My son gets along much better with autistic people than other NTs. And I can be big enough (or old enough) to admit that my son and I are naturally car salesman types who can easily come off as bullies toward shy types.

Just treat the kid or baby like an adult if that's your comfort zone. Many of them prefer that anyway. You can also pretend they're a dog or cat. Or a cartoon character. The adults may tell you you're "doing it wrong" but the kid, 9 times out of 10, will like you better for not being fake and being a more interesting adult than most.

I find I get on much better with other autistic people too, even when meeting them for the first time as I find I feel I don't have to try act normal around them unlike NT people because they are like me. But the strange thing is I have a border collie dog and I talk to her all the time. When it comes to people I don't know what to say

MidnightMoon
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31 Dec 2017, 12:10 am

I'm the same way, which is why I go out of my way to avoid children. I have no idea how to relate to them.

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LittleCoyoteKat
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31 Dec 2017, 3:40 pm

Ashariel wrote:

I didn't know how to interact with children when I was one, and even less so now. I skipped the whole 'run around and scream' phase, and have trouble empathizing with a child's need to do that.

SAME. Never was really a "kid" for my whole life. I preferred the company of adults, not even older children. They all seemed like mindless, empty vessels careening around without direction or reason. They didn't like me much either, thought I was weird, which suited me just fine.

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auntblabby
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31 Dec 2017, 3:48 pm

I wonder if that is an aspie thing, for us aspie kids to have preferred the company of adults over our fellow kids. :idea:

LittleCoyoteKat
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31 Dec 2017, 3:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:

I wonder if that is an aspie thing, for us aspie kids to have preferred the company of adults over our fellow kids. :idea:

I believe Tony Attwood said something to that effect. I can't recall if it was in a YouTube video, or if it was in his book. But I'm pretty sure he mentions it being an Aspie trait.

auntblabby
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31 Dec 2017, 5:05 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

I wonder if that is an aspie thing, for us aspie kids to have preferred the company of adults over our fellow kids. :idea:

I believe Tony Attwood said something to that effect. I can't recall if it was in a YouTube video, or if it was in his book. But I'm pretty sure he mentions it being an Aspie trait.

and in the army I never really saw eye-to-eye with my fellow enlisted, I seemed to have a better rapport with at least some of the non-brassholey officers. :star:

LittleCoyoteKat
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31 Dec 2017, 5:23 pm

:lol: :lol: "non-brassholey"
That's great. I'll have to tell that one to my Marine friend. He'll love it.

Claradoon
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31 Dec 2017, 5:54 pm

Roo95 wrote:

I'm thinking this might be a result of my aspergers and wondering if anyone else sucks at this too. But I can't interact with children or babies at all. I don't know how to. It really makes me feel down because I do love kids as I have 4 nephews and neices who are all toddlers and babies and I know I'll never ever have a connection with them or be part of their lives. When around them, even if they show interest in wanting me to play with them, for example my 1 year old nice will crawl over to me and stare at me, and I'll just sit there in silence and things like this make people think I'm horrible, cold hearted and hate kids which I don't. Its just as I say I don't know how to play or interact with them. I humiliated myself yesterday on Christmas day when my 1 year old nice came over to me and my sister told me to play with her and try bond with her and I just admitted that I don't know how to. This also makes people think I'm antisocial and can't be bothered. I have a friend I like to go visit on his farm sometimes and he has a lovely little daughter who is 2 years old and often he will go and get her when I'm visiting him and I dread it because he will try and get me to talk and interact with her and as I don't know how to, things get awkward. I just become confused because you obviously can't talk to them like adults, I really don't know how else to talk to them. If I ever met someone later in life, I would love kids of my own but it wouldn't work out because of everything explained above.

It sounds like you're being asked to perform, like you would be on a stage with people watching, judging your performance of bonding with children. I've had that a few times and freezes me out - my reaction is justified imho.

But I am actually good with kids, I like them and they like me. But the 'audition' in front of people for 'the ability to bond' with their precious centre of the universe - nope, I can't do that. In fact, that prevents me from playing with kids. It's just another form of trying to win the approval of others, and it will be discussed later - no wonder you don't do that!

The truth about kids is that - if the grown-ups will disappear - is that kids are the most authentic and easy to be with. All the times I say the wrong thing - kids think it's natural. It's their own way of talking anyway. And as for topics - you can leave out 'knowing' anything. You can ask kids stuff - once I was out after a rain and ran into a child and asked him, "Are there worms?" He gave me the exact status of the worm population in the neighbourhood, including recommendations as to adult walking.

What I'm trying to say is that you're not doing a performance for a rating - good on you. It's not got anything to do with whether you get along with kids. Just remember that for your own self-esteem. For people, maybe just say, "I don't do that," and look at something else.

ladyelaine
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31 Dec 2017, 5:59 pm

auntblabby wrote:

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

I wonder if that is an aspie thing, for us aspie kids to have preferred the company of adults over our fellow kids. :idea:

I believe Tony Attwood said something to that effect. I can't recall if it was in a YouTube video, or if it was in his book. But I'm pretty sure he mentions it being an Aspie trait.

and in the army I never really saw eye-to-eye with my fellow enlisted, I seemed to have a better rapport with at least some of the non-brassholey officers. :star:

I have always preferred the company of adults my dad's age and older. I have always thought that teenagers and young adults were annoying and stupid. I only ever had two friends in my age group but they moved to other states a long time ago. My sister's friends are either way older than her or way younger than her.

auntblabby
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31 Dec 2017, 6:15 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:

:lol:

"non-brassholey"
That's great. I'll have to tell that one to my Marine friend. He'll love it.

another layer of editorial snark could be added if I deleted the "e" and made it "brassholy."

LittleCoyoteKat
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31 Dec 2017, 6:25 pm

auntblabby wrote:

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:

:lol:

"non-brassholey"
That's great. I'll have to tell that one to my Marine friend. He'll love it.

another layer of editorial snark could be added if I deleted the "e" and made it "brassholy."

I needed a good dose of snark today. Thank you.

ladyelaine
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31 Dec 2017, 6:28 pm

auntblabby wrote:

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:

:lol:

"non-brassholey"
That's great. I'll have to tell that one to my Marine friend. He'll love it.

another layer of editorial snark could be added if I deleted the "e" and made it "brassholy."

I love those terms. They fit some of the other cadets I was in NJROTC with in 9th grade. Many of them were snobby especially the ones who kissed Captain's butt.

auntblabby
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31 Dec 2017, 6:30 pm

ladyelaine wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:

:lol:

"non-brassholey"
That's great. I'll have to tell that one to my Marine friend. He'll love it.

another layer of editorial snark could be added if I deleted the "e" and made it "brassholy."

I love those terms. They fit some of the other cadets I was in NJROTC with in 9th grade. Many of them were snobby especially the ones who kissed Captain's butt.

those kinda captain brownnosers were the original beta males.

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