My god, this is one of those epiphany "Not Alone" moments that stands out even on this message board.
My memory since I first started school was, in the words of my teachers, "phenomenal". I memorized everything I saw, heard, and read. Reading comprehensive test scores were flawed only by the occasional "big picture" that I didn't pick up on. Math was a challenge for me until I realized I could memorize my way through much of that too, then before I knew it I was in honors math. It was good enough that all the way through school K-12, I can probably count on one hand how often my textbooks left the school premises.
But it's gone to hell now, probably on a freefall ever since I learned about AS when I was 19 and refocused my energy on socializing myself. I put every ounce of my being into this endeavor, and I guess today I can navigate in and out of social encounters without anyone being the wiser, but my memory is kaput, and I realize how dependent I've been on it for everything all these years.
These days I don't even know why I bother picking up a book or trying to practice my new language. I'll remember maybe 50% of it when all's said and done, and about half of what remains is irrelevant even by AS perception. I've lost the capabilities that have propelled me this far, and I've never felt so dumb in my life.
Many people here complained that their memory is just like I just described, but was it ever different for you? Anyone else fall from grace like I have?
Ben
07 Oct 2007, 5:38 pm
