Those who can hide there autism?

Post Reply New Topic

No - I can't do it anymore. Same field Feb-Apr last year and I dreaded every minute of it. It's harder to mask now. Before people knew me for a long time and so knew my strengths. At the new company I stood out to much - they let me go.

I have always masked more at work than out of it though less these days. The people I work with now all know and understand why I sometimes have to put my ear plugs in and engage in what seem like slightly odd interactions in order for me to ensure that I understand what they are talking about.

I still do mask a little with family but they are used to me having to take regular breaks at any sizeable get together so that I can go off somewhere quiet away from the noise and multiple conversations that I have difficulty filtering out.

I don't have learning disabilities but I have worked with people who have for most of my adult life. I find that many are easier and less stressful to interact with as less is hidden and open to interpretation in their interactions. They often tell it like it is, verbally or non-verbally.

Last edited by Velorum on 08 Apr 2020, 11:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Love it!

I used to think I could hide my autism well. That was until a few people said they knew there was "something up" with me because my manner of behaving wasn't quite normal.

I thought I was fine on the phone until I had an appointment with my psychologist over the phone and she kept asking "Are you there?" because I would fall silent and not say anything.

I had that same phone issue. Much better now though.

Sorry about that, Belko.

I hope you get hired back by your old company soon.

Take heart: I wouldn’t last one day in a hardware store. I was once fired from a bagel shop after one day.

Using UK terms . I very probably have a learning difficulty not learning disability . I've not had much interaction with other people outside of family or stepfamily so the need to mask has been very minimal .

I have realized that I have masked most of my life since my childhood. Sometimes I wear a manual mask ontop of automatic masking. (Think of automatic masking one has manually learned or adapted to begin with and done it so often that it automatically stays, and manual masking is masking that one is constantly thinking of ways to adapt the manual mask to suit the occasion while one is having to also use ones brain as part of everyday life (E.g. schoolwork or any other situation one may find oneself in).
I have found I can drop manual masking when I have left the social situation but automatic masking stays.
Then how do I know I am automatically masking? Because when I have hit extreme stress in my life either due to bullying or the times when I have hit burnout, this mask also falls off or can "Glitch" between masking and unmasking which is a horrible experience, as when this mask comes off, I mentall revert back to the mental age I was before I started to mask which is very early childhood. In public I feel exposed... The type of feeling one may get if one has to run through a public place without any clothes on! I try to avoid all public places when I feel like this.

Would I have additional learning difficulties? Uhmm. A tough one to answer. I would personally say that masking has helped me cope with a classroom enviroment so if I couldn't mask, all my concentration would have been on self preservation rather then my brain masking and listening/learning at the same time.

Masking is the only true practical form of multitasking I can think of. Using ones brain for more then one task at the same time, but thinking of this, when I am in hyperfocus on a particular task where it is just me and whatever project or task that I am working on at the time, I don't have to mask as I have mentally blocked out people.
Occasionally (Often when I am driving as I really relax when driving) it may seem like I am deep in thought but if anything, my mind actually gets to take a rest where my driving skills are on autopilot, and my mind can relax. This is such a welcome break as normally my mind is very active throughout the day and stress can build up or I can be mentally worn out and stressed. Come to think of it the few times I have experienced what I believe were meltdowns were a build up of this stress with no outlet to do anything about it as maybe I just can't get into the "Unwind" mode late at night.
Anyway. To conclude. Difficult question but my experience is that I have had to mask to be able to learn in a school enviroment so I can't really seperate the two to be able to give an accurate conclusion.

I have to agree with several of later posts people did call me as being different they could not put a name to it.

They had “names” for it in my case....and they weren’t too nice.....

Whenever I mask I pass off as normal but it’s not always easy to mask, especially in new environments and it takes me a lot of self confidence to do it and motivation. I can’t always succeed. I don’t get teased and I get perceived as funny, interesting and NT. It’s exhausting thought cause I constantly have to interpret little things and copy-paste even the smallest nonverbal behaviors, poke myself when I say something bizarre and force me to find ways to fix it in milliseconds. I know what out there most people in their jobs or even personal lives, especially salesmen pretend to have all those communication skills and it’s not their true self as they’re trying to make you fall for their products and stuffs but they can pick up cues and everything is natural to them. It feels like it’s not my mother tongue

Princess Bride: The villain enters the room to kill the hero, whom is laying down motionless. The hero stalls (with weird responses that the villain attempts to dismiss). The villain claims the hero is bluffing. The hero says "I [might] be lying here because I lack the strength to stand... or perhaps I have the strength after all" --- he stands, holds up his sword, pointed steadily at the villain... the villain gives up (gets tied up), then the hero sinks down in weakness. I feel like that a lot --- I can be so strong, for a little bit, but then I collapse afterwards.

"Drop...your...sword!"

Great movie. One of the best. And I understand your analogy perfectly.

I've masked in some form since childhood but got better over the years with practice and a lot of self-learning using youtube videos about body language and how to guides on interviews, dating, small talk, how to use double-speak and politician verbal and nonverbal techniques, how to be charismatic and so forth. I also read books like How to Make Friends and Influence People. Out of all that, I learned it in theory but still can't really do a lot of it in practice. When I'm in a situation, it's harder for me to engage, do small talk, be confident, and not be super awkward. If I give a speech I have a meltdown directly afterward and feel my heart racing a mile a minute. When in college it was worse; I literally couldn't speak. I would open my mouth and could not speak one word. I find that despite all those books and youtube videos, the best way to mask is simply to observe others and mirror their behavior as well as you possibly can. I still sometimes misunderstand or "do it wrong" but I just come across as weird and not autistic. My whole life everyone suspected I had aspergers whereas as an adult, people just think I'm odd. Hope that helps.

My mom, on the other hand, was able to master masking easily because she had to. Her father was a major figure in Nicaraguan law and so she was taught and groomed on how to behave. She struggled to as a child and was very much like me, but as an adult she seems to have mastered it. I still don't know how she did it. She now lives in Nicaragua again and so I don't talk to her as often as I used to. I remember her practicing smiling when I was a kid and trying to mimic her when she was showing me how. I still can't do it naturally. I normally make faces in photos to hide the fact that I struggle or look stern unintentionally.

How did you overcome that? That happens to me frequently both on the phone and in person

I've always "masked" I guess
id say there are very few autistic traits i display that you could pick up on without actively knowing what to look for. my parents never "gave in" to the diagnosis. autistic-ish behavior was not accepted in my house. plus my own fear of social criticism led me to do my best to learn to fit in.

while personally, I can easily list the traits i still have, it appears I've done a good job hiding it. the few people I've told of my diagnosis actually tried to deny it and "prove" i didn't have it
I compete in public speaking, I've always held leadership positions in clubs, I love playing sports and hanging out with friends and I was never popular, but I have a good group of friends. I think since my overall image was "normal" the few traits I was unable to cover up were brushed off as innocent quirks.
I'll admit its sometimes a little stressful to not feel as though I can be completely honest with my friends- none but one knows the truth.
Even my mom has praised me for having "outgrown" my Aspergers and that shes proud that I "no longer engage in such acts of childishness". She believes her and my dad have "cured" me