The purpose of "thank you"
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
But thats not what transpired with this particular girl. When I told her I am an aspie, her first reaction was to forgive me and, in fact, giving me her facebook so we can chat and, shortly thereafter, a phone number. But then, as we kept talking, she kept asking me those questions about whether due to my Asperger I am capable to fall in love. So, in terms of the one parameter of either taking Asperger seriously or not, it seems the opposite to what you described: instead of "totally ignoring Asperger" she "took it too seriously". But she did so in the way I "don't" like: what I wanted her to do was to take Asperger seriously when it comes to forgiving me for my faux pas, and then "not" taking it seriously when it comes to assumptions that she was making (that aspies can't fall in love, etc). But she took it seriously both in the former case (she continued talking to me) AND in the latter case (she was making those assumptions about me) and the latter ultimately caused me to act out at the end which made her stop talking to me.
Its also true, however, that the time when she brought my Asperger, she wasn't bringing up Asperger out of the blue but shortly after I was making new trespasses. Basically the times I am thinking of are these:
a) The first time she asked me whether people with Asperger can fall in love was after I explained to her that my question about her being Adventist and pharmacist had to do with Asperger.
b) The second time she brought it up was when we were texting each other and then I stopped replying and, after that, told her that I couldn't figure out how the maps on the phone work and she said "I thought Sheldon is good at numbers"(we were talking about my moving to a new town and she wanted me to find some mountain view that would be fun to go to; my faux pas might have been that I didn't tell her right away I have hard time reading map, I only came back to tell her that half an hour later, because I happened to have been in Kroger those half an hour, which I didn't tell her about either, and I didn't excuse myself from conversation just let her wait for half an hour for my reply; so her Sheldon comment was after that half an hour of silence)
c) The third time she brought it up was when I was talking about my ex-s too much and she said "how do you know you are over them" and I said "I know I am over them, I was only obsessing about the fact that one of them was famous" and then she was like "maybe due to your Asperger you have no concept of love and thats why you make loundary lists"
Notice that the only time I brought up Asperger on my own was after Adventist/Pharmacy thing, the other times she brought up Asperger herself (that includes "a" as well, since part "a" happened next morning after that faux pas in the evening). Although, of course, I was the first time to bring up Asperger, she did so next day after I did. But, since you brought up the cases when people don't take Asperger seriously and just hold me accountable for my initial action, was it that
1. I didn't explain clearly enough that the scenario that happened with the girl was the above, but now that I explained it in more detail you agree its her stereotyping me "as opposed to" her disliking my using it as an excuse
or
2. You thought the girl "actually" got mad for the fact that I was using Asperger as an excuse, but she decided to act on her anger in passive-aggressive way by playing a psychological game on me so she was like "you want to take Asperger seriously? Fine, let me do so in the way you don't like"
What are your thoughts on the way she was acting?
Geeze I have no idea. It could be either one and it could be both. Or neither one. Maybe she got back together with an ex and just decided she didn't have time anymore. Maybe she moved away. Who knows.
Personally I don't think too much about the past, so I don't know what to tell you. I know that some people are just jerks and when they show me they're a jerk I don't think too much about them after that. I just keep my distance and go about my life.
_________________
That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
Luhluhluh wrote:
Geeze I have no idea. It could be either one and it could be both. Or neither one. Maybe she got back together with an ex and just decided she didn't have time anymore. Maybe she moved away. Who knows.
She happened to be in the state where I was "going to" move to. I was transferring schools, so I was far away from her when I had that conversation, and I was going to move into her town for school few months later (which I did, since the move had nothing to do with her). As far as her finding someone, I contacted her through facebook a couple of weeks ago bringing back the old stuff, and she said she has a boyfriend. But thats her saying it now, not then. Back then she actually told me she wanted to stop talking to me because she didn't like my angry reaction -- but she totally ignored the fact that my reaction was only "in response" to the things I described her saying.
Or are you speculating that she started talking to someone back then and so decided to be jerk towards me so that she can fully focus on the other guy?
Luhluhluh wrote:
Personally I don't think too much about the past, so I don't know what to tell you. I know that some people are just jerks and when they show me they're a jerk I don't think too much about them after that. I just keep my distance and go about my life.
Its easy for you probably because you have your own circle of friends to fall back on. I don't, thats why its a lot harder. In fact, the very fact that I am single and friendless (in the here and now) is what is driving me crazy, and when I obsess about it, I analyze all the rejections in the past.