#1 reason why I don't tell people

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Trust me, Sandpiper...I ain't perfect, either.

The only thing you can do is the best you can. Most decent people respect that, and don't hold it against you for not offering the "perfect" advice. I certainly don't.

"Perfect" advice is not always needed---and sometimes can be irritating to the recipient. What's "perfect" for one might be "ill-advised" for the other.

The key is to understand the individual.

I don't tell anyone. I don't see any reason to. I have already adjusted to my weirdness and I frankly tell people, Sorry I don't like large gatherings, or the sound it too loud for me, etc. Or I just leave. I run my own business and do an excellent job and some people don't like me personally because I can be pretty frank. I can live with that.

Due to my work history in home health, hospice, in case management, I have been fortunate to closely observe many individuals and many families coping with a variety of stresses, illnesses, disabilities. I have had more examples to learn from (I'm a pattern learner) and one of the things I have learned is that nothing works for everyone. "N" has to be pretty large to see the exceptions to the patterns. While there are patterns, and there are solutions, people are still individuals. Our individual chemistries, physical, developmental, historical and personality-wise. When I was younger, I thought I knew it all and could solve any problem if people would just do what I say. Suffice it to say, I have been humbled. Many times. We can never know why another person can't take a particular path and judging it is not helpful to the afflicted person. And I am as guilty as anyone. When I am not successful, the root is usually the latter.

I tell people because my traits are not always invisible, and I risk being mislabeled. For example, when I was a kid, everyone in my social group thought that I was anorexic because I couldn't eat most foods. Every time I was in a social situation that involved eating, they would try to "help" based on their understanding of the issue. I had chaperones following me around, pressing food on me that I couldn't eat, and if I did find something palatable, I would be praised and petted for it. It was very embarrassing.

In my case, the overall result of not telling people is that they don't understand what drives my behavior, and so they don't know how to approach or accommodate me. It's just easier to be upfront about it, especially since more people know what autism is these days. In that regard, I probably have it easier than many on this site, since I'm so young. My generation is generally more aware of these things, so I can expect to find more understanding among my peers. As for the patronizing manner that people adopt when they know that you're autistic, I'm impartial to it. Most people seem to assume that tone towards me regardless of whether I tell them or not.

I've told my closest friends because I know they won't treat me any different, but I haven't said a word to my employers or coworkers. It's my first job in retail and I wanted the genuine experience to challenge myself rather than a safe, padded experience meant to keep me comfy. I'd rather get called every name in the book before I get pitied.

I have mixed feelings on this subject. I'm only self diagnosed at this point so I've never told anyone that I'm on the spectrum as I feel that would be disingenuous of me. I can only speculate on what I would do.

"Crotchety old man."
"Ornery old man"

Remember those kinds of descriptions? I've wondered as of late if generations ago HFA people who had to sink or swim with no help and had to force themselves to live in an NT world and play by NT rules finally just reached an age in their lives where they were like: "Suck it. I don't want to go there, do that, act that way, be that way, pretend that way, etc" and being perceived as "ornery" was just that person refusing to act in a way they never felt comfortable being in the first place.

I wonder that because being close to 50, that's how I've been feeling more and more. I'm feeling more and more like I don't have to play the game to the degree I used to and I don't want to.

So if I was formally diagnosed would I tell people? Others have said that they feel they can be perceived as being anti-social, rude, etc for no apparent reason. I could see being able to say something like: "I'm autistic and being in loud places or around a lot of people at once is very hard for me. So I'm not going to that function."

If someone's response or thoughts were: "You should push yourself and go to that function, autistic or not. We all have problems to deal with." That's fine. They could think that.

Suck it.

My new motto: Celebrate elder orneriness!

The last decade of my life has been the happiest by far.

Ask. Tell.

How else will the world ever understand us, and our abilities and disabilities? From the media? With rare exception, all they do is make us appear either "special" or "needy."

No, be the faces of real-life autism. Step up, say your name and be proud.

I didn't wait to tell the world about my autism. I told a local magazine soon after I was screened in 2014. I was diagnosed in 2015. I celebrate my diagnosis day every year.

I am, therefore, immune to all the "slings and arrows" that get aimed at me. Life is so much nicer when we don't let others define us.

With apologies to Jim Sinclair, "don't mourn for me." I enjoy being an autist, even with the public meltdowns and private shutdowns. Learn to love your autism.