ASD Worries

Post Reply New Topic

I think that once you begin to get help with the sensory issues, you will see a tremendous improvement in your level of function, senatriss. Getting help with the depression is also a good step forward.

I could have depression, I hadn't really given it much thought to be honest. I do feel really low some days and sometimes I do consider whether it would be better if I wasn't here. But I don't want to worry anybody and I don't think bad thoughts all that much, it happens from time to time but not every day. Is that worth concerning anybody with? I am tired though, very tired, my eyes sting and sometimes I get a really weird feeling. It's like I'm not me but I'm watching everything I do, sort of like a ghost. And then some days I'm really tearful and want to cry my eyes out. To be honest that's one of the reasons why I came here, for some help regarding all of this. I hope it isn't depression, my cousin had depression and he killed himself by overdosing on tablets.

I did feel pretty happy last night after I washed my hair. It was a bit of a rubbish hair wash as I could only manage seven seconds, but sevens better than none so I was still happy with the result. This morning I washed my hands with some hand soap which wasn't too bad and I've also done some writing so that kept my mind occupied. This afternoon has been a bit low for me, I've been thinking a lot and it's starting to pull me down again. Need to find something to keep my mind busy but I don't know what.

What really helps me when i feel like it starts to get darker in my head, is get on my bicycle and just go. Ok i usually take the same route lol. But still, it helps me greatly with anxiety and low mood in general. My thoughts also calm down. Make your heart beat a little faster for 30-60 min.

Would really recommend doing this, if you can ofcourse.

Edit: And do speak with a proffesional if you feel it persists (these thoughts you have been having). It is a lot to take on yourself. And something i do not recommend from my own experience.

that's the spirit just hope you don't get the bipolar episodes like i do on occasion once i legit thought i was enlightened

To me that really sounds like depression. Trust me, I know what it's like. And yes, yes it is. Unless you take action, it's not gonna get any better. Trust me, it freaking blows to have to deal with it. And ASD combined with it makes depression a whole lot worse. I would say more about that, but I've already written an article(soon to be published on Aranger's site) on it, so I'll just link you to that.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HQk ... sp=sharing
And personally when I lack direction, I feel completely awful and my bad thoughts suddenly come to the forefront. Also, just like autism is on a spectrum, so is depression. You could have major, minor or moderate(like me) depression and probably a lot of other variants.

I think that sounds like depression too. I do think it's worth worrying people about because those people are worrying anyway cuz your tired all the time Senatriss & are having other problems/issues. At least if they know you have depression, they may have an idea about what kind of help to give you(like having you see a counselor & maybe taking meds) It worries people alot less when you get treatment & improve even slightly than it does when your wasting away doing nothing & noone has a clue what's wrong & what to do about it.

Senatriss I don't believe that you don't have anything to live for, you have Aspergers Syndrome and various other health problems but they haven't ruined you. They've shaped you into a young lady who has a lot of ambition for her future. You obviously have depression Senatriss and I would advise getting help for this from the doctors and also confiding in your family, they would want to know and would worry a lot more if they knew you were trying to deal with this alone. Depression is a terrible thing to experience and taking it on alone can be dangerous because if it becomes too much then you feel like you're still alone but even more so than you actually are. Not confiding in your loved ones because you feel ashamed or that you don't want to worry them is an impractical thing to do.

Unfortunately I have had experience and I'm going to share that with you now. I learnt a lot from this, it made me into the woman I am now and for that I am grateful as I am happy, have my family who I love and cherish and I live my life to the full . It all began because I made the worst mistake of my life.

When I was a teenager I was depressed. At first it wasn’t too bad but as the days became months I started to get lower and before long I was having dark suicidal thoughts. It had occurred to me at first to confide in my parents, or my brothers and sisters but I thought I was worthless and that it would be a mistake troubling them. Eventually things were getting too much. I worried daily. I felt tired daily. And more and more I kept thinking that my family would be better off without me, they didn’t need their Autistic daughter who couldn’t do simple things by herself so on a quiet day when I knew everybody was out I tried to take my own life. I won’t go into detail of how I tried to kill myself but to cut a very long story short my older sister arrived home early, she’d got a lift from her friend and thankfully found me and called an ambulance. I’ll never forget what happened next. I remember feeling really light like I was floating; it was like I felt drunk but much worse than that! I remember how they pumped out my stomach, one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced as I was conscious when they did it. And do you know what the worst part was? It wasn’t that I’d tried to kill myself, it wasn’t that I was conscious during all this unpleasantness… The worst part was that I could see my family stood in the room with me, the look of pure horror and pain on their faces was the worst thing I had ever seen. Words can’t describe how they must have been feeling at that time. They were in anguish and because I never told them anything they had no idea why I had done what I did. When I was out of hospital I finally confided in my family, I got medical help and dealt with my depression one day at a time. Things were hard at first, it took a long time for my family to trust me again. Everyone was so afraid that I would try to kill myself again.
But Senatriss I promised myself that day when I was in hospital when I was having my stomach pumped and could see my horrified and pain stricken family that I would never ever do something so selfish or stupid ever again. And I’m pleased to say I kept that promise!
Talking to my family became so much easier, it was worth troubling them with my concerns and worries because they gave good advice and support which helped me through difficult days. I still even now don’t make eye contact with them because of the Aspergers Syndrome but I don’t really want to change the Aspergers Syndrome as it’s a huge part of my life; some parts are a bit annoying but I cope with the majority of it. I now have a family of my own. I have two daughters and my boyfriend who loves me for who I am and helps me with my Aspergers Syndrome on difficult days.

I hated myself for what I did that day. It was a selfish act and I was an idiot for thinking that no one would miss me if I was gone. I wish I could forget the pained horrified looks of my family that day but I can’t and in a way that’s good, it helps me to remember what I could have lost that day and keeps me strong to never do such a thing again. When I look back now I see a girl who thought she was worthless and didn’t have a place in this world. Today I’m got my boyfriend, children, a good job and the love and support of my family. I live my life to the full and enjoy my life. Since that dreadful day I’ve never looked back and have even done stuff for charity, singing events, a Christmas fun run to raise money for mental health and Cancer and I love every second of it. I hate being surrounded by unfamiliar people but that’s a fact of life and I have to be strong and adult enough to deal with it, even though I don’t like it. Being a mum now has made me a lot more adult whilst still keeping my fun childish self at the same time.

Senatriss, please open up to your family. If you read my whole message then believe me if you did the same your family would feel the same way if it was you! If my daughter’s ever did that I know it would destroy me…

Nobody is worthless. Everybody has a place on this world. And you can still do your dreams, you’re only young and have plenty of time left to do everything you want to. In the last six years I met my boyfriend, had my children and have participated in charity events. I’ve loved every second of it and have no regrets!
You’re special Senatriss and you have a lot to live for. Speak with your parents and help yourself, you’re not worthless and you have a wonderful life ahead of you.

Negative thinking and getting depressive is a really dangerous thing. I'm glad that you failed and are here now. You already helped me a lot.

Your biggest problem isn't autism. You are able to improve. Your absolut biggest problem is currently your own negative thinking. You aren't even aware how dangerous it is. Stop this as soon as you can and become more positive! You want a life! You are also able to improve a lot. And there exist people who accept you as you are. And there are people who really love you. Change your way of thinking towards the positive things! Your anxieties are able to kill you! Skip them and just face your futur. It won't be as bad as you are afraiding it now except you keep your way of negative thinking - than it becomes really fast a hell.

to me you sound lovely and caring, please take pride in yourself. take things slow. you cannot achieve everything over night, take it step by step, it's more likely to increase your confidence if you are gentle with yourself.

All the best x x