Christian name or Mr/Mrs/Miss?

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I didn't mean to imply anything about what is or isn't in absolute terms, I was just trying to outline how these labels come over to me, how I personally feel about them. I'm not convinced anybody knows what effect their use has in any universal sense, I think it mostly depends on who's on the receiving end of the label. One person might feel miffed if the "wrong person" uses their familiar name, another might dislike being referred to by their "title name" (Mr. etc).

You choose where you spend money, but it seems to me that picking where to shop based on what name they call you, is kind of making a mountain out of a molehill


Likewise I am only 35 and do not want to be treated like I am old.

I don't insist on it. It is just what I prefer because my first name is in fact my first name. I certainly have no issues with other people calling it anything they like. No kowtowing at all.

It used to be, but is not anymore; "you" is now the singular (informal and formal) second person pronoun, which translates as "du" or "Sie" or "ihr" depending on context; there is no separate formal or informal version.



"Vos" is not a formal second person pronoun in Latin, but just the plural. There is no formal second person singular pronoun in Latin or Greek. This is why the Quakers used to call everybody "thou"; if we refer to God as "thou" (Greek "su") it would be blasphemous to afford a mortal a greater degree of respect.



Québec is culturally French, so can hardly be held to anglophone standards.


I seek competence in the professionals I deal with. Trying to be friends with one's clients rather than doing a good job for them is a sign of a lack of competence.

Eh well, I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever even heard the English term "Christian name." (Is it a grammar rule to write "Christian" with a capital C?) In school, when we were taught English, the terms used were either "first name" or in some rare cases when I was older "given name." Note that I'm not a native English speaker.

As for me, I don't really care either way as long as people use my whole first name when they do, not the abbreviation of it that people tend to automatically turn it in to and that I'm too late to teach my family and relatives out of. Fortunately, when I meet new people, they usually agree not to use it after I ask them not to.

This kind of thing also naturally depends on the culture. When I go to a doctor, they call me in by my last name most of the time because that is the norm with adults in here. However, sometimes they use both my last and first name, which is understandable since my last name is among the five most common in my country and that can create misunderstandings. Many times I've gotten up in the waiting room when hearing my name being called only to realize that it was actually for someone else with the same last name.
In here, we don't use things like "Mr" or "Mrs" aside from formal documents and very formal situations. If someone uses a last name, it's just the last name. Most of the time people (at least the ones I know) just refer to each other with first names. We have one regular customer at work (and when I say regular I mean that he's there every day, so often that we joke he's part of the decor), who everyone addresses by last name most of the time, but not because he's more respected than the others. That's just how things go.

Also, in schools students, even the very little ones, usually call their teacher just teacher, teach or with their first name. Some teachers are, for one reason or the other, most of the time called with their last name, but it has nothing to do with them being respected more than the other teachers, it's just a question of what fits. Of course, students give teachers fitting and/or funny nicknames too, but these are usually only used among students, not in front of the said teachers. Aside from the latest thing, these things aren't rude, they're just how things are done where I'm from. It's a cultural difference.
When I started learning English in the second half of second grade, one of the first things our teacher taught us was that when we were having an English class, we weren't allowed to use her first name but to call her Mrs. Her last name because, according to her, doing otherwise would be considered rude in English speaking countries and it would do us some good to get used to this way or addressing people. I think it makes perfect sense; when in Rome, do as Romans do. I've been to UK only once as a tourist, but if I went there to study or work and actually interracted with other locals than just cashiers and the like, I would consider it a given that I should adabt to their way of addressing others, just like I would expect them to do things our way if they came here.

You are so difficult to understand! Quebec makes its own laws. French is the official language. We have as many cultures as we have immigrants. By anglophone, do you mean England?

I'd prefer Ms but it doesn't happen because I look young and mum's a ms too (funnily they seem to even call a 15 year old son with a father at home Mr but whatever...)

I prefer my name over Miss. To me, Miss means either 'oh what a pity she's on the shelf' (sexist bs) or 'little girl' (inaccurate).

I don't even like my given name but I'd still rather be known by it.

Mrs only meaning married woman is a 19th century sexist invention. Before that, a woman who was a school mistress for eg could be known as Mrs. Any mistress (which didn't have the sordid connotations of today).

I think it should be master til 18 as well. A teenage boy isn't one of the men of his house, he's a boy.


What I hate most is physical description names. I always get called little first name if there's two and my friend gets called big. She's fat. I don't think short people and fat people want to be reminded of that.

I'll assume you're in the U.S.

I suspect principles of courtesy remain a little different there, for example getting called sir or m'am may be less of an oddity than it can be in some contexts, here in Australia.

That's not to say we don't know how to treat each other politely, or to use formal modes of address in some cases, just that our approach may vary slightly e.g. with a "g'day" or a "mate" in place of a "sir" or "ma'am".

I got through an entire career on an ISP help desk, working with people to fix their service, and calling them by their first name.

I might have been asked to use a customer's surname once, which is their discretion and absolutely ok.

I would have felt a bit blindsided, however, if someone felt it necessary to complain without even mentioning that they prefer to be addressed by honorific and surname.

Just for context, over time I got pretty good at my job, where each call broke down to a few steps:
- establishing rapport / trust in my competence
- finding facts about the problem
- guiding the customer to a solution
What I found was, brisk attention to the important facts while acknowledging their personhood and right to a solution went a long way.

Addressing people by honorific and surname, in this context in Australia, wasn't an active consideration. That didn't stop me from standing out from the pack on measures of service, competence and issue clearance.

Caring that the customer's inquiry got solved was the number one thing I did in that job that made me successful.

Again, I'm in no position to judge your culture or preference in modes of address. I guess I'm writing this in the hope you might be convinced to recognize the world has room for lots of people with different notions of courtesy.

If you can be comfortable sharing your preferences about modes of address without confrontation, that might yield better outcomes, whose benefits I hope you will enjoy.

I began work in a white-collar environment in the late 70s and at first, did not understand that I was expected to address everybody (even the boss!) by their first name, as media I had seen (e.g. Dagwood and Blondie) always showed the boss being addressed by honorific and last name. To this day, it has seemed to me like a kind of forced intimacy that actually makes the employee more vulnerable, because it deprives them of the additional comfort they could derive from greater formality. But after 4 decades, I've become accustomed to it.

Somewhat ironic, because all through school I had experienced fellow male students (but not female!) addressed by last name, although without the honorific.

When my father began to have medical issues and I had to become involved by taking him to appointments, I felt bad for him that he was always addressed by his first name by young staff he had only just met, as I knew he believed himself entitled to greater respect. Now that I am approaching that stage in life myself, I also don't look forward to it. But I don't let myself get upset about such things.

You were probably taught American English. As for the capitalisation of the C in "Christian", it's certainly universal when the word is used as a noun; I'm not sure if there are exceptions for its adjectival usage.



Addressing a teacher by his Christian name in Britain would be inconceivable except in the most "progressive" (by that, I obviously mean backward and phony) schools. Almost all schools still require boys to wear a suit and tie. The standards are otherwise pretty low in this country nowadays, however, as I outlined in my original post.



Certes, Québec a les lois les siennes, mais sa culture, historiquement dit, est française. Par "anglophone" en anglais, on veut à dire que un pays "parle anglais"; c'est de la latine "Anglia" qui veut à dire "angleterre", et de la grecque "φονη" (phonē), qui veut à dire "voix" ou "son".



Per the history of the term "Mrs", I'm mostly ignorant, but assuming that what you're saying is true, I don't see how it's sexist. Per boys being called "Mr" rather than "Master", I entirely agree with you; perhaps the incident you mentioned was a simple misunderstanding. Per diminutives, pet names and the like, I also agree.



Thanks for sharing. I accept that how one is referred to is up to the individual, but the assumption, especially in a professional environment, should be that a greater degree of respect is wanted.

In most cases there is simply no reason to use my any of my names at all, but if they don't know me, they should use my last name.
When used by someone trying to influence me (like sales people), it annoys me a lot.
When used by those who should be professional, it does feel condescending and unnatural. I don't care if they think it's informal and reassuring, to me it's unprofessional. The professional thing is to have some distance.

First name basis is for those who know me. That's where you might end up after a while, but it's not where we start, and it shouldn't be part of any professional relationship.


In elementary, junior high and high school, we were called by first name and called our teachers by first name too. We weren't being rude, it was what we were expected to do, although in my first 3 years of school, I said 'frøken' (miss).

When I started a new school, I would start with last names for teachers, but after a few weeks it would slip to first name. The only exception was one teacher, not because he insisted on it, but for some reason I'm not sure of, he just was his last name to me, maybe because I didn't like him and wanted distance. It wasn't a sign of respect.

Yeah, in theory we have that system here in Norway too, but unfortunately it's considered very outdated. I'm the only person I know of born after WW2 that has used them. They were a given for my grandparents, and I wish these were still used in society.

Thanks for sharing. These are my thoughts exactly.

Most people can't tell whether I'm male or female when they first meet me, so I prefer being addressed by my first name as opposed to a lot of awkward fumbling on the other person's part.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I was taught British English, that's what we start with in here. American English and the differences between the two are things that we start learning in junior high... or is it high school? I'm not sure, but certainly not before seventh grade. Most people these days tend to mix the two though since school teaches British English yet people tend to run in to American English more in their daily lives.

I noticed in rural parts of the USA a tendency to call people Mr. [forename], which is a thing I never encountered before. I found it kind of cute when they applied it to me - at first I thought it was a joke, but it seems that for them it's just the correct way to address people. It was refreshing that they mixed Mr. with a forename like that, because in the UK the Mr. bit is always followed by the surname, which may be part of the reason why I see the "Mr" thing as so cold and formal.

I've seen situations where bosses have become angry and hostile at not being addressed as Mr. (or Sir), and I figured the boss was likely vexed at being brought down to the same level as the staff. So I think there are definitely situations where these handles have something to do with power. I remember my mother got very angry when I called her by her forename when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I only did it because that was what Dad called her. Many years later there was a trend for "alternativist" couples to encourage their kids to cal them by their forenames. It was kind of refreshing, and AFAIK did no harm, but nor did I notice it do much good either. Parents could still be overbearing.

I was surprised at the old USA thing where the son has to call his dad "sir." I never knew of that in the UK. We were forced to call our teachers "sir" at the grammar school, but many of us quietly dropped it and just talked to them without calling them anything, and that was hardly ever challenged. The school was changing gradually from the old "Tom Brown's Schooldays" ethos into something more modern. Similarly we were expected to address each other by our surnames, which seemed very quaint. We internalised that quite strongly for a while. My mother was quite embarrassed to find she'd been calling one of my friends "Harvey" - his surname - as a result of my telling her that was his name when she asked me. She'd naturally thought it was his forename because she didn't know about the school's way of doing things.

My mistake. A better example is French - tu is informal and singular-only, and vous is both plural and formal.