Being disliked hurts

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Even if I do get better, I will still consider him to be a detractor.

I think I have already expressed my opinion on your tendency to collecting detractors. You apparently want them for some addiction-like reason.

I don't. I want to prove them wrong but I haven't been able to and they boast at me.

One hint from someone with expirience of "proving wrong" "detractors": they will just shrug or insist they have always believed in you. Or don't even notice.
Proving them wrong for the sake of proving them wrong is not worth it.
Having a better, happier life is worth it - but it requires focusing on things that can be done, not on people who hold you back.
I've seen you consider going back to college. What major would you pick?

I've honestly never thought about a major. You have to keep in mind I am from a culture that thinks you are supposed to let an unseen being do everything for you and that it will unveal its "plan" for you someday. I was also told "You have plenty of time to figure it out!" while at the same time having the "plan" BS drilled into me. Both things ended up being deconstructive for me.

One thing that's always been a hindrance for me is my difficulty with math. It's always been very unintuitive and very taxing mentally for me. It would literally give me headaches and I was constantly told I needed to know a lot of it for a career so I was discouraged. Before I took my first college course, I had to take an accuplacer and my older brother told me it wasn't all that important (It was.) and I flunked the math portion of it so I had to take a mandatory math class in addition to any other course (My work schedule limited me to two total). The math stessed me out so much that I performed badly not just in it but any other course I took as well. After nearly two years, I finally got a good enough grade to never take a mandatory remedial math course but I have been told I will have to take another if I want even an associates degree.

See it? Again you focus on what is holding you back, not on where and how to move forward.

One of my favorite maxims is, "When the past calls, don't answer; it has nothing new to say."

I try to apply what I call the "Istomin Rule," based on something my inspirational tennis player, Denis Istomin, said in an interview, "Don't look back, only forward." It's hard to do sometimes, but I'm working on it.

A big thing for me has been being ostracized as a social manifestation of being disliked, particularly in school, including grad school. But also in some of the political groups I've been involved in over the last 5 years or so. I had that experience at work too, but since I haven't worked much there's not alot to say about that.

I brought alot of this onto myself b/c of my temper and my general intensity toward life in particular. To some extent, I don't blame NT's for finding me less than friendly if I get into a heated political or other type of argument w/them. And my low emotional intelligence hasn't helped either, particularly w/navigating social cliques but even just making friends w/people one on one has also been off-putting apparently to alot of people. I've lost many friends or lost opportunities w/potential friends b/c of my own social mis-steps and the end result of that is having fairly few friends (and almost no romantic partners) throughout my life. And yes, it's sucked.

But ostracism of course makes it worse b/c then you know it isn't just a single person who dislikes you, it's some collectivity of people who do. The last 5 years or so I've tried not to be the guy w/a "rep" (bad reputation), which has to a large extent failed. And that can stick w/you like the stench of a dead animal for a long time. Most of my experiences happened before I was diagnosed 2 years ago, and I do think it would've helped me at least maybe w/a few of the people I'd lost if I'd known and been getting therapy and medication back then. But yes, having a rep or otherwise being disliked isn't fun.

I know the feeling all too well. And people tell me that I should let it go and let it be in the past, but it's not that easy.

I may have wholeheartedly agreed with this thread title once. The hurt was crushing and the loneliness unbearable, but it's a little different for me now. I had to grow up a little, come to understand somethings(change my mentality), cut myself and others some slack, and find some acceptance in myself. I still will feel hurt if someone I kind of liked or thought I could hit things off with rejects me, and I still have bouts of extreme loneliness so it's not like I cured myself; but it's overall better.

One of the things I realized when I looked back at the former me I ended up realizing I had likely been exacerbating how disliked I was. At the time i fully believed it but I lacked understanding of other people and myself. I simplified it too much when it was a lot more complicated than just dislike and like. Our perceptions of others and their actions aren't always the truth even when it feels that way. My perceptions of how others feel about me is also always going to be more negative with the lower the opinion I have of myself. To not feel so hurt over everything that felt like rejections, I did have to grow a bit of a thicker skin but more importantly I had to find value in myself.

There were still many people that treated me poorly and did dislike me but it became less important when I found some of that value. I still wouldn't so much as blink if the all dropped dead but typically don't spend time continuing to be upset by it. Their behavior is a reflection of them, not me and frankly people that behave that way are pitiable.

Marknis it's pretty obviously you've been wounded, you've been a victim but you haven't done much healing. I get it, it's hard to do that when you feel like every bad thing that happens is someone shoving their hand in it. But that's why it's imperative for you to try and heal those things up. There are things people should just let go, but in your case that won't be possible (in my assertion of what I have seen of you and your posts) until you can come to terms with it (your past). I personally don't believe in the look forward not backward idea. We can not live in the past but for us (people) to move forward healthy, wiser we ought to utilize our pasts as learning tools to build a better us(you).

We're all rather imperfect and no one really deserves to feel crushed every time another imperfect person doesn't like you. I think you put far too much pressure on yourself to live up to all these 'bars' that you see other people having, that may have been drilled into you. Throw them out man, you'll be far in a way less stressed out and discouraged even before you start. Start small, find what you want to do and set your own bar. Pass it? set it a little higher.

Side note: I agree math sucks

I get sensitive to being disliked too. People always use the cliche, "they're not worth knowing if they don't like you for no reason", but that never makes me feel any better. I think most human beings are hardwired to desire to be liked, so it's quite a natural thing to feel disheartened when someone doesn't like you, but it's worse when your self-confidence isn't very high.

Welcome back, Joe

I believe you're right here.

I agree , low self-confidence and self esteem makes everything worse - e.g. What normally is treated like a throwaway comment which you don't even register gets twisted into a slight which you will ruminate over , possibly for years. As a consequence you may even treat the person who said this comment with disdain for the rest of your life.

Thanks, yes I'm back.