When did you realise your life was going to be different?

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I don't know if there was a clear moment of realization that life would be different so much as a realization of "I probably won't ever have this/that".

I had all lots of dreams, aspirations, wants, when I was young. It wasn't always specific but I wanted to be GOOD and amazing. So it was a pretty hard smack in the face when I struggled with everything. I kept trying though, but when I was around 11 I understood that I had no space for dreams because I had reached a place where I was just trying to survive. I had to recognize that I was just not capable of attaining some things I had wanted and more so, that I wasn't capable of getting/having/achieving many normal things. The stuff most people think nothing of, that are just 'a given' in the process of growing up. I would hear about something, see something and I would feel woeful or despondent as I realized that was likely not something I would ever have or experience. All I saw was that I was going to have a less than life, because I was less than.

My mentality has changed some from then, though I still bare some grief and bitterness over the 'missed' things.

I started realizing how different I was in preschool, I understood better what that meant for my path in life in the last three years.

The hardest thing for me is realizing how much ground I still need to make up. Some things might never happen, and that makes me sad. I hope that I do find someone with shared values who loves me while I still have some good years left.

^^ In a California restroom I read "Time is Nature's way of keeping Everything from happening At Once." Realizing that there is not enough time in a lifetime for everything is perfectly normal, just a bit on the sane side.

I was always waiting for my life to begin.
I thought I would eventually have a normal life with a husband and friends and my parents and siblings would treat me like a normal person.
I didn't think there was anything so wrong with me.
Other people thought there was something wrong with me.
I was just waiting.

It wasn't until I was already old that I started to see articles about autism in magazines and books that I identified with because I was socially withdrawn.
When I read about it in the dsm I realized it included repetitive behaviors also but I didn't care when people made fun of me until I read it was part of autism.

I have overheard people in shops say I was autistic but now I am more self conscious about my behavior.

How about you? How old were you when you realised your life was going to be different to everyone else's? What events led you to that?[/quote]

Interesting question, I can relate a lot to this emotion. I felt my life was going to be different
1) in high school. I didn't develop any major social relationship, I was the brightest and smartest guy in the class (and I got a lot of bullying, especially mental abuse for that). I found out in high school that I could skip all the classes and still be able to finish the year with good grades (B/A-, i think translated to american grades).

2)I spent my entire adolescence playing CoD online, at times skipping school days for that. Do I regret it? hell no I don't! I had a 4/0 KDA and I considered myself an online legend.
not saying that playing too many videogames make you understand that you are different, but in my case my reality at 14 were videogames! (it still is now )

3)when I went out with some girls I never felt the desire to kiss them (even though it was obviously a date for them) or even have sex.

"I was always waiting for my life to begin"

I still have this sensation at 22 years old.

When I was 6 or 7 and realized I was being treated different from the other kids by being placed in special ed.

Marybird,

I am a late starter myself. I believe my life really began about five years ago. I have a rich, well-rounded life now. I would like to meet a man of like mind to share my life with.

One early stunner came two weeks after I got in trouble for hurting my sister's feelings. After "feelings" were defined for me I recognized them and made a sincere apology. A fortnight later, she had hurt mine, so I complained in turn. I got a blank stare back. Apparently, boys had to respect feelings, but not harbour any, lest they be drafted, etc.
Another cusp came with the first science exam in Gr. 9. They had a typo, and asked how far away a lightning bolt was if you saw the flash 12 seconds after hearing the thunder. I was the only kid who caught it and answered correctly, but I got zip. I quit caring about marks then.
I still hoped to have some more normal stuff in my bio until I learned about AS at 56, and life made sense.

Since I was in a special school or specialist unit from the ages of 5 to 16, I didn't really think that I was that different from everyone else even though I knew I had Asperger's. Once I began sixth form though and I was out of specialised education, it really started to hit home how different my experiences were from my peers. I feel as though I've been playing catch up in the sense that I've taken longer to hit certain milestones that NTs take for granted. For example, I didn't start full-time work until I was 28 and I still don't live independently. I'm hoping that I will have a place of my own before I hit 40 but it is tough in London due to high property prices. That said, I have made a lot of progress in the past 10 years and I'm sure that I will continue to develop both professionally and in my personal life.

Is the type of work you do transferrable to other areas of the country? In my area for £100k you can get quite a nice 3 bedroom house with a garage and a reasonable sized garden. Yes, it may be in a small town or village about ten miles inland from the sea (The closer ones to the sea are slightly higher priced) but it would generally be in nice area surrounded by countryside.
Moving down here to hope to get a job is probably not a great plan, as jobs... Well. When a full time position that does not need specific rarely obtainable qualifications becomes available, typically there are about five thousand applicants per position if it is £10 per hour or more. However, if you work from home and are not confined to one area, then places like these parts are very practical.

Just recently. I always thought that I could overcome the invisible barriers that I always ran into. Now it is clear to me that further advancement relies on social skills that are a mystery to me.