Do you ever worry you're just "making it fit"?

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Do you feel like you sometimes do fit? I mean I could look at my ASD support group and think "these are my people, I fit" and then I could think "I don't fit in, I'm [this], [that] and [the other]." In this social group I'm the oldest, in this social group I'm the youngest, in this social group I'm the loudest, in this social group I'm the quietist. I don't have a "peer" social group. Work was my closest until the Aspie-like folks left but there I was the only woman. Always something.

Never for more than about five minutes before something happens to remind me that I don't actually fit in. I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm never going to feel like I truly belong anywhere.

I'm actually quite alright with not 'fitting in'. I don't see much of a point in fitting in. I used to really want to fit in back when I was younger and I had no control over my environment and I had to go to school and such, because fitting in at school would have been advantageous and meant I'd suffer less, but now that I'm older and I can choose what I do in life, I don't worry so much about fitting in.

I know of someone who often says that they have "imposter syndrome", that they feel less than adequate at their job, when the reality is that they are "gifted" in their field. Self esteem issues ... I have long thought the death of my mother when I was 5yrs, was the reason for my "difference", my selective mutism as a child, etc etc.

Yes. I’m nearing the end of my assessment process and my next appointment (in the next few weeks) should let me know my diagnosis, I believe. But just this evening, after feeling fairly sure and confident for some while that I am most likely autistic, massive doubts have settled in and I worry that I understand others too well, that I behaved too well as a young child, that I was too placid, too astute and too well liked for autism to be a reality. I’m worrying that the real causes for my traits and test scores and behaviours and difficulties are a combination of wanting to be likely my (almost certainly, but not diagnosed, aspie father), being especially sensitive, suffering abuse as a preschooler and having a strong tendency to anxiety; and that autism has nothing to do with it. I think maybe the only reason I’ve got this far is because I so much want to belong somewhere and this is the only place I’ve felt comfortable. I am really suspicious of myself and every time I catch myself doing ‘something autistic’ I believe I must be acting it because of all the research and reading I’ve done. I’m not sure how much faith I will be able to put into a positive diagnosis if it does come in the next few weeks.

That's me: it might not be Autism , it's some combination of anxiety and sensitivity, and obsessiveness... and executive function, oh, and social---- oh, wait ---- all of that is Autism!! !! (the umbrella)

Good point!

I haven’t quite reached the sensible thinking at the end yet. Perhaps it’s just the increased anxiety that is amassing due to the forthcoming end to my diagnostic process. Not helped by the fact I’ve had to cancel my final appointment which should have been tomorrow. I don’t know when the rearranged will be yet. What if it’s not for ages as they have no availability? I hate rearranging appointments!