Taking an online course to avoid social disappointment
I think it's more about people not wanting to risk you pulling some woman down with you. It's emotionally unhealthy to be in a relationship with someone who's negative all the time after all; if you got in to a relationship right now, the risk of you emotionally harming the woman would be really high, especially since big part of your depression is about being single. It'd put an unreasonable burden on a girlfriend. Because of this, I think it'd be important for you to get your thoughts under control before trying out a relationship. Besides, positivity attracts people easier than negativity, so things are likely to be much easier in that order.
Don’t you think a woman could harm me emotionally, too? I actually have been harmed emotionally by women, especially in the case of my ex-friends and a few that I thought were going to be new friends but they either dragged their feet or gave me the silent treatment.
Definitely possible, but I was mostly referring to why some people might not want you to have a girlfriend... though of course, some of them might be concerned about you instead of some random woman. I mean, you clearly have low self esteem and all, so some people might not want you to have a girlfriend because they fear that you'd be even worse off if you got one and got dumbed. That's just my guess, though.
What does "dragging their feet" mean in this context?
They’ll say they want to be friends but will constantly delay attempts to interact socially.
Well, how I go along in school at least, is that I just find the few I know that are my friends and don't try to be socially accepted, because it's easier with the ones who accept for me, even w/ my Asperger's.
_________________
"If Thy Dareth enter, thy must be prepared for a mess"
- Sign on my bedroom door
Sweetleaf
Veteran
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,991
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
The TMS isn't going to automatically get you a girlfriend, but it could very well help your depression which in turn could allow you to enjoy whatever activities/hobbies/interests you have and which could in turn make it more likely for you to find a girlfriend(though that alone shouldn't be the focus).
Thing is if your depression is gotten under control you may end up being less fixated on not having a girlfriend, so you'll feel better which will make you healthier and in a better position to meet people. It would be a good way to rise up as you say...I've risen past some of the bullying I've experienced by getting help with my mental issues.
_________________
We won't go back.
Last edited by Sweetleaf on 14 Jan 2020, 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Life never gets any easier when you have Aspergers. Learning social skills are waste of time when people are still going to reject you, bully you and ignore you. There is no therapy or cure Aspergers. Aspergers is strongly linked to chronic loneliness and not being accepted by people. I doubt people have Aspergers, when they claim how easy they find it to make friends and fit into social situations. There are no benefits to having Aspergers. You can be intelligent and achieve high marks in STEM and you will still not be socially accepted because of your Aspergers.
The TMS isn't going to automatically get you a girlfriend, but it could very well help your depression which in turn could allow you to enjoy whatever activities/hobbies/interests you have and which could in turn make it more likely for you to find a girlfriend(though that alone shouldn't be the focus).
Thing is if your depression is gotten under control you may end up being less fixated on not having a girlfriend, so you'll feel better which will make you healthier and in a better position to meet people. It would be a good way to rise up as you say...I've risen past some of the bullying I've experienced by getting help with my mental issues.
I just hope rising up will include finally having a girlfriend. I don’t want the bullies who said I never could have one to celebrate anymore nor do I want the people here who’ve told me to give up to smirk at me.
Don't underestimate what relatives and friends can do for you.
Do they know you strive for a girlfriend?
Tell them. They can't just watch you be consumed and decline.
Marriage is a group effort and group success. Just look at the hooks on a wedding dress. Have a grasp of how many persons are needed for the dress alone. For dates and matches it's a bit similar.
Do they know you strive for a girlfriend?
Tell them. They can't just watch you be consumed and decline.
Marriage is a group effort and group success. Just look at the hooks on a wedding dress. Have a grasp of how many persons are needed for the dress alone. For dates and matches it's a bit similar.
They know. One of my sister in-laws offered to help me create a dating profile but since her cousin committed suicide two days ago, she’s probably not in shape to help me. I thought of bringing it up to my other sister in-law but since she doesn’t live close by, I don’t know what she could do.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,991
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
The TMS isn't going to automatically get you a girlfriend, but it could very well help your depression which in turn could allow you to enjoy whatever activities/hobbies/interests you have and which could in turn make it more likely for you to find a girlfriend(though that alone shouldn't be the focus).
Thing is if your depression is gotten under control you may end up being less fixated on not having a girlfriend, so you'll feel better which will make you healthier and in a better position to meet people. It would be a good way to rise up as you say...I've risen past some of the bullying I've experienced by getting help with my mental issues.
I just hope rising up will include finally having a girlfriend. I don’t want the bullies who said I never could have one to celebrate anymore nor do I want the people here who’ve told me to give up to smirk at me.
It very well could, but you have to let go of some of that...seems you can't do it on your own, so maybe the TMS could help.
_________________
We won't go back.
The TMS isn't going to automatically get you a girlfriend, but it could very well help your depression which in turn could allow you to enjoy whatever activities/hobbies/interests you have and which could in turn make it more likely for you to find a girlfriend(though that alone shouldn't be the focus).
Thing is if your depression is gotten under control you may end up being less fixated on not having a girlfriend, so you'll feel better which will make you healthier and in a better position to meet people. It would be a good way to rise up as you say...I've risen past some of the bullying I've experienced by getting help with my mental issues.
I just hope rising up will include finally having a girlfriend. I don’t want the bullies who said I never could have one to celebrate anymore nor do I want the people here who’ve told me to give up to smirk at me.
It very well could, but you have to let go of some of that...seems you can't do it on your own, so maybe the TMS could help.
Let go of what?
I don't want to be discouraging but, kind of seems your taking courses just to take them...which well seems kind of pointless. But I could be wrong maybe you do have a better idea of what you plan to do with the education.
That said maybe you should think about volunteering somewhere...like you could volunteer at an an animal shelter or something...you'd be appreciated for volunteering and maybe you could meet more social acquaintances that way. Something like that may be more satisfying than taking college courses you're not very interested in.
I’ve always been told I need a college degree if I want a better job and that potential girlfriends could find the fact I don’t have a degree as a deal breaker. Rednecks also think college is “fancy book learnin’” so it seems like going to college would fight the redneck mentality. My father thinks I should go to a technical school even though he never went to one and I honestly don’t want to give him any credit. It’s partly his fault I fell behind socially and why I don’t have a girlfriend.
I once tried to volunteer at an animal shelter but they never called me back. Most people in my age range just want to drink and smoke so I have a feeling I wouldn’t make any new social acquaintances.
I completely agree with everything that Sweetleaf has said here, with the exception of the volunteering stuff.
In terms of needing a college degree to get a better job, that's not necessarily true. I'm sure there are tons of other jobs that pay more than your current one where you don't need a college degree. The way I see it, if someone asks you what you want to do as a career after finishing college and you don't have an answer for them, you shouldn't be in college. At least not until you've got a good idea of how that degree or course is going to propel you career-wise.
As it relates to girlfriends, there are a few other things about your circumstances that would be deal-breakers to a significant amount of women, and probably more of them than not are worse deal-breakers than not having a degree. What made you decide to focus on college, but delay or neglect to focus on the other stuff?
Also, when women exclude men who didn't graduate college from their dating pool, it generally seems to have to do with earning potential rather than the piece of paper you get at the end of your studies, so if you graduate college and can't leverage your degree to get more lucrative employment, you probably won't be any better off in the dating department either.
Regarding your father and his idea about going to a technical school, I don't know whether a technical school is a good idea for you or not, but I don't think it's smart to discount that idea just because the person who suggested it is someone with whom you have personal issues. If it's a good idea, it's a good idea, no matter whose idea it was.
^^Not meaning to be rude but I've been watching this thread and nobody feeds another bro toxic information.
You tell him Aspergers' can't get better, that learning social skills is helpless. I've got the same stuff and I can tell you all that it very much does improve. You have to let Aspergers be only what it is--a mental disorder--instead of doing like a lot of folks and letting a mental decision define who and what you are.
Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I am going to let ye olde twig and berries make all my decisions for me. And just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I'm condemned to sit about bewailing why I can't be the same as all the people I don't like, spending money I don't have to impress folks I don't know.
Really, people, if I was serious and believed all the "nobody loves me, everyone hates me, I'm gonna eat a worm" stuff that the autistic community talks I would have already killed myself.
Instead, since I don't believe a word of this bosh, I combine my special interests with a sense of duty and take life head-on, and it seems to work. I burn out a lot, but that's OK. I'llnever be as tough as everyone else physically but when that 'Tard Strength kicks in watch out! I'll be busy for a while!
My clothing choices suck. But since I started being creative about it other folks think I have kind of a cool style. Got tons of compliments the other day from a bunch of college bros. My style is straight out of the 1900s but they still think it's cool. What it takes is clean clothes that fit, and a little confidence. My social skills are not so great. So instead of working a crowd, I concentrate on one person at a time, without being weird about it. My "best girl" ghosted me almost the whole holiday season. I didn't go calling and calling; I just waited a little bit, called her one day, and she rang up late that evening with stories of great fun and adventure. Instead of weird, it was just cute, and I'm glad she had a fun time with her family. My car is a leaking, shaking, smoking anachronism on wheels. Guess what--I had to teach myself to fix it or be stuck on the side of the road. (It's broken down in parking lots before, and I had to get out and figure how to crank the thing before I got discovered stuck in the middle of nowhere. It was the battery cable.)
In short, WE CAN DO THIS!
Let no one tell you otherwise.
Blaming all problems on another human being is not the right way to do it, either. I have personal experience with that which I won't go into here, but let's just say that self-improvement is a necessity, not a luxury granted only to NTs.
If you want to wallow in the mire, fellow Aspies, that is your prerogative. Let it not be said, though, that our situation is hopeless: however, if you want to identify yourself only with our shared mental disorder and not with your own glorious dignity as human beings, then all y'all are free to be as miserable and petty as you please. But I kind of think you're cool and are better than that.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 134 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
I see...physical. The brain.
Quite right, but the point stands. We have got different brains, but the only thing wrong with them is most of the ones on this website have been used for moping and moaning a bit much. It sounds like incel central round here sometimes.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 134 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Sweetleaf
Veteran
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,991
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
The TMS isn't going to automatically get you a girlfriend, but it could very well help your depression which in turn could allow you to enjoy whatever activities/hobbies/interests you have and which could in turn make it more likely for you to find a girlfriend(though that alone shouldn't be the focus).
Thing is if your depression is gotten under control you may end up being less fixated on not having a girlfriend, so you'll feel better which will make you healthier and in a better position to meet people. It would be a good way to rise up as you say...I've risen past some of the bullying I've experienced by getting help with my mental issues.
I just hope rising up will include finally having a girlfriend. I don’t want the bullies who said I never could have one to celebrate anymore nor do I want the people here who’ve told me to give up to smirk at me.
It very well could, but you have to let go of some of that...seems you can't do it on your own, so maybe the TMS could help.
Let go of what?
The past bullying experiences...its still taking up a lot of your head-space, and it would help if it wasn't. Those bullies don't deserve any more of your time.
_________________
We won't go back.
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