I don't feel autistic enough

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This topic resonates a lot with me. I feel like i am a faker attention whore sometimes especially since i learned to mask and people i meet don't immediately hate me. I feel guilty because i feel like i am downplaying people's issues like low functioning autistics.
I also don't have much sensory sensitivities, although when i was a child i was unable to eat a lot of things idk if this is because of sensory issues. But from what i understand, every autistic person is different, also a normal person wouldn't just come to the conclusion that there may be a neurological difference in their brain.
For example when i was a child i used to hate my dad because of how similar i was to him, and when the child of someone we know got diagnosed autistic i automatically felt a kinship to him. And there was a moment i still remember after making countless attempts of gaining friends, i told someone "i don't understand what people are thinking"
I still remember that moment very well, it's just something i "feel" that i am somehow different from people around me. It may not be autism as you see on tv, but there is a difference in the way your brain works that makes you think and consider the fact that you might have it. So i am trying not to feel guilty because of this. Keep in mind that there is still a lot of things we don't know regarding autism and neurology in general.

As soon as I was diagnosed with Asperger's I tried to show LESS symptoms (unless I was unaware of a symptom being a symptom). But that was because I hated having a label and felt embarrassed about it.

It happens if one focuses too much or prioritises on the representation of the labels instead of something else beyond that.

It requires processing to get pass that.



When I was first diagnosed, I got the first same ideas and had been much of a denier.
But nothing similar to imposter syndrome because:

In my case, I don't shame myself to need less than those who 'struggle more', who 'deserved more', who 'mostly can't'.

This is where most of the 'high functioning' female representations goes.
And there's a network here and there exists for those who feels the same.


Instead, I pride myself to need less than others and prefer that way.
It also means I had known to have the right to decline support and accommodations as much as I could.

Which is an entirely different direction to process.
While I know there are members who are the same, I'd likely assume that we just don't need the same levels and ways of reassurances to prove ourselves much, the priorities lies elsewhere, mostly through competence -- but that's just me projecting.

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I was diagnosed at 4. As a kid growing up, I definitely had my fair share of sensory issues and emotional meltdowns. This continued in a diminished form thoroughout middle and high school. By the time, I reached college though I didn't have many meltdowns and my sensory issues were pretty much gone. I will say my main traits of my autism now are a diminished ability to read social cues and body language, trouble picking up on whether someone is joking or not, and having a strong focus on one task. Remember that autism is a very vast spectrum so you could have a milder case of autism. I believe I fall into that category and you could too.