College was disappointing both academically and socially

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No, it's perfectly understandable to feel like a failure when one is overwhelmed and surrounded by things not going to plan.

It's the response to those feelings that we're trying to help you improve. One has no choice but to keep striving and struggling no matter how often or how hard they fail. It's hard to stay motivated and it's easy to daydream about suicide as a solution to one's problems, especially when they seem more than we can endure.

The problem is that maladaptive daydreaming ends up distracting from our goals (even if suicide becomes the goal; spending six months daydreaming about methods didn't get me any closer to being dead, I never acted towards that goal this time around, I just obsessively daydreamed about it).

I can't claim any moral authority to tell you to not waste your life doing what I waste my life doing, but I can at least tell you it wastes our lives. Living is an active thing, it requires effort. Sitting around moping over one's past defeats and fears of future defeats wastes one's life and causes one to miss opportunities and experiences. Shifting the focus to what one can do right now to possibly make things better and enjoying what you have currently (living in the moment) will help take your attention away from past defeats and future fears.

You deserve more than to rot in your bedroom terrified of life, but unfortunately getting more than that requires exposing one's self to more stress and more possibility of defeat. The good news is that once you start having more tastes of success you will start to feel the cost is more worthwhile.

It’s like everyone except for me can succeed at anything with no struggle at all while I struggle my hardest but I still don’t succeed. Luhluhluh doesn’t want me to have a girlfriend or friends even and to just become a robot.

Everyone struggles to varying degrees. Everyone.

That's why Mary-Sue characters are so unrelatable and unrealistic. No one goes through life like that, even the most blessed people struggle with some things some of the time.

Many of us here on WP struggle.

In the UK there are various options to learning.
There are standard colleges of Higher Education and Universities, which teach you in person.
There are also some online educational establishments.

The ranges of courses are very wide and varied.
Generally speaking, there are various types of level of qualifications available for newbe's.
For general subjects there used to be two main routes. Either take a undergraduate degree in a subject that you are academic or have talents in enough to take or take a HND.

The HNDs are very much like Degree's and often feature the same content, but require less academic proof of your achievement (less essays and exams) and are more focused on practical work instead.

I did go to uni twice, both uni's having great reputations. I didn't know I had ASD back then and came from a troubled background to some extent. Had anxiety due to ASD, dyslexia etc.

The first college i went to was an Art college, which I didn't really get along with. It was a modular degree which was really disjointed and i had no base to work from (unlike other courses, who had a permanent space to work in as well as permanent peers, to hang out with and to make friends with).

After the 1st year, my brother got busted with drugs and put in prison on a 5 year sentence.

I dropped out. I didn't really like the course anyway, liked some of the people, hated some of the people.

I had to pay off the money my little government gave me to live off, before i could re-apply to uni.
Which I did over a few years, and then re-applied, this time to a famous performing arts college to study sound technology in a pro studio environment, among other applications.

I got in, but found the course hard going, the people really spoilt, dishonest and sadistic including
the staff at the college. Even thought it was a famous world renown performing art college.

It actually sucked.

Later on, I realised that i could have learn't everything that I was taught at the college from a few books,
and could have saved all the money that it cost me to put myself through college.

I wouldn't have had to put up with all the spoilt rich kids, nor the sadistic snide staff, and would have been able
to use all the money I saved on buying my own equipment instead of having to beg people who i paid £7,000 plus a year to have a go on the equipment (as the studio time wasn't evenly and fairly given out, the rich kids, who could afford to rent flats or even buy houses around the corner took up all the studio time for their own projects, leaving those who didn't come from a privileged background to beg for the scraps from what was left over. On top of that, some of the more nasty sadistic kids were trying to get other people to drop off the course any way they could so they could then take their studio time).

Some of the staff also ripped off all my music and music research while I was at LIPA, and betrayed me to some DJs from my local area, who didn't like the fact that someone who wasn't part of their snide pseudo elite clique was doing something that they wanted to do but weren't bright or sensible enough to do.

But anyway that's another story.... and an extremely long and complex one that you wouldn't believe anyway... but there ya go.

On the positive note, i believe that there are now some courses which have been developed for people with Dyslexia and ASD, especially in creative arts such as animation.

I also think that animation, much like music and sound engineering is a subject that you don't actually need a qualification in, and you likely could teach yourself with the right resources, build yourself a portfolio and write to animation studios to see if you can get some work.

In fact, you may be able to simply write to the animation studios even before getting experience and a portfolio.
So worth looking into. Hope that info helps.

Yere college sucks. Students often do your head in and selfish spoilt kids for the most part.
So not going to uni would now be my preference. Don't go to uni stay at home, hang with the friends you already have and your family. Don't put up with nobs. don't lose money. but still get good at what you want to.

That's the real truth about rock and roll. Most people who make it in the entertainment industry don't have degrees/

sorry, forgot to mention. I did get a BA Degree, but decided to opt out of getting the Honours but not doing the 20,000 word thesis at the end of the Degree. This was because i was getting victimised at the college by certain members of the staff (who incidentally i could have beaten up, but would have been put in prison in a rough area if I had, and made into someones new girl friend)...

Last edited by madbutnotmad on 09 Jan 2021, 8:37 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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In basic terms.

If you want to be a teacher, do a degree.

If you want to learn a subject but can't motivate yourself, do a HND etc.

If you just want to learn the subject, buy loads of books / videos / online courses,
software / equipment and teach yourself! A lot cheaper, a lot better.

Don't have to live somewhere you don't like.

Don't have to put up with people you don't like.

The money you spend you get stuff that you do like.

If you go off the subject, you have something to sell at the end!

Everyone's a winner.

Well, it could be worse. It took you a year to find an office job when you already had a degree. Given how every employer wants a 25-year-old with 35 years of experience, that's not unexpected. Around my freshman year of college, it took me 18 months to find a banal retail job as a store clerk! I'd walk into store after store, ask for an application, fill it out, hand it in, then never hear back. I was on the verge of suicide because of that. Granted, it was in the early 2000's recession, but still.

Although looking back, I know what caused it: due to my Asperger's, I looked and/or acted like a pathetic loser! Maybe it was something in my eyes, maybe it was the way I walked, or maybe I was just hideously ugly (nobody wants an ugly guy working in their store; it's bad for business). Either way, I'd take the time to fill out an application; the manager would take it from me, acting all nice to my face, then after I left the store, laugh out loud while tossing it in the trash.

have the same problem

Sort of getting back to the OP...I'm inclined to agree with kraftiekortie. My goal was to get the degree and, on the way there, probably learn stuff. I realize many might think those priorities are backwards but the degree was a ticket to a better future, the learning stuff was necessary for the degree, sometimes interesting, and potentially useful in the future.

My major was Computer Science so learning new stuff was continuous for my whole career, not just for college. The degree was the way to get into that career.

And, per kraftiekortie, even though I was focused on classwork I quite naturally ended up socializing with classmates. But I never forgot that I was in school to do schoolwork.

My goal was the opposite: I was going to college to get my party fix, meet girls, have sex, and have a good time without parents controlling me. All before I'm required to start working and settle down, effectively turning my life into decades of drudgery.

None of it came true. My parents forced me to live at home, under the threat of not helping me pay for tuition. My college was boring as hell, with no parties at all. And as I learned the hard way, I was too disgusting-looking to meet girls. I had only one girlfriend who I didn't even enjoy being with. So in truth, it wouldn't have made a difference whether or not I lived in a dorm. And sex? I hired an escort after I graduated, partially to celebrate and partially to offload my virginity.

I couldn’t focus on schoolwork because I would see others socializing in and out of class. They would be talking about doing fun things while I only had stress being poured on me from both class assignments and the horrible job that’s been a millstone around my neck. It was frustrating, especially when I tried to reach out to others and I was given “f**k off” signals. I feel like I was lied to being told college was going to be better than high school.

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