MASKING or MIMICRY???

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Thank you for your input...

I'll bet you anything it was an NT psychologist who coined the term though.

When a word has been used for a while in a culture and an incomer doesn't understand it, that doesn't mean the word is wrong.

It's like my grandpa getting irritated at me using the word kid to refer to children or cool to refer to something trendy. "A kid is a baby goat" he would say. "Cool is a cold thing".

I agree.

It's really quite arrogant for an outsider, whose first language may not even be English, to blunder in to a group and tell them they are using words wrong.

A more humble approach would have been to say, "I'm puzzled about why this word has been chosen, can you explain it please".

Instead she asserts that we are stupid autistics who don't understand normal people words.

Which isn't her intention. She comes across as genuine, but is just as guilty of blundering into things like a bull in a China shop as the rest of us.

This so-called 'deceit' can mean few things:

One, an autistic is lonely and wants friends or fit in.
But their natural behaviors do not pass as likable and their interests are either not interesting or a no-no.

Two, an autistic is abused or bullied and wanted it to stop.
Because their natural behaviors and their interests practically paints them a target in the back.

Three, an autistic is invalided or dismissed but wanted to participate in society at large... Or survive.
Yet their behaviors drives people away and their interests doesn't get them pass job interviews.

Four, an autistic doesn't like 'being autistic', because of the facts above.
They'd rather wish to be at least perceived as NT ranging from various stigmas or whatever mess of a context the label autism is under.


So, if one could, they'd mask it.
Mimicry is just one means of masking -- one that requires an ideal like model to emulate. It's a simplistic way to masking.
Masking can be more complex than that.



In personal context, I just see mimicry more of a developmental and learning tool.
Probably because I'm a kinesthetic learner, like to experiment an emulated sample then mix and match stuff.

Masking is more of a social tool. One whose intent is to match the intended contexts by external means.
But I do not like to have this weird gap between my most natural self from my outer appearances and behaviors.
Communication issues by itself and my verbal aptitude are already more than enough to widen that gap!

Instead, I'd just study the true nature of this strange and subtle form of 'flow'.

Edit: The WiFi's net being crazy.

To be honest 'masking' seems a more appropriate descriptor of what I do to fit in than 'mimicry'.

I've never been able to consciously mimic in the sense of deliberately adopting the same speech or behaviour patterns as others. I don't think I ever wanted to.

But I do actively try to suppress behaviours and ways of speaking that have caused me trouble in the past.
So it's more like suppression of my autistic personality than the adoption of an NT persona.

I'd call it 'camouflaging' or 'masking'.
There's no negative association with 'masking' in my mind, in the sense of underhanded dealings, because once one is aware of the reasons why autistic people mask, it becomes obvious there is nothing underhand involved. We are just trying to fit in.
Though there is a negative association for me in the sense of finding social situations stressful because of the difficulty maintaining the mask.

With all due respect to the OP, it is up to us on the spectrum to decide what words to use to describe our lives and the context of said words. To tell us what should be offensive to us is infantilizing. I am sure there are some autistic people who use masking maliciously but for most of us it is a survival tool. We use it to gain and keep jobs and friendships, to prevent bullies from attacking us.

That said if the OP’s husband prefers mimicry I have no problem with that.

Apparently the OP is referencing this video

The relevant part of the discussion is at 3:07

If found a very old Wrong Planet thread about Mark Hutton and the consensus was negative.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 06 Feb 2021, 8:28 am, edited 3 times in total.

I call it “adaptation,” rather than “masking.”

And all people do this to a certain extent.

'Masiking' feels like a more accurate description of what I do than 'mimicry'. For me the more important part of masking is hiding aspects of my true self, not pretending a false self. 'Mimicry' might be accurate for people who imitate specific people or characters, but I don't really do that. Calling it 'camouflaging' would also be pretty fitting for my experience, but maybe it does not work as well for people who do more active imitating and copying.

This might be something very subjective, but for me personally 'masking' also has a more accurate emotional connotation. It's not hard to imagine that always wearing a mask and needing to make sure no one notices the true self is not a pleasant experience. I think the whole mask thing is an apt metaphor for how it feels internally. 'Mimicry' has a more neutral, light-hearted connotation, to me.

As for what connotation the word 'masking' has to other people, I don't really know. English isn't my mother tongue and I have rarely seen it used in another context than autism. And it doesn't translate well to my mother tongue. If I were to use it the same way in my native language that'd sound a little silly.

But the connotation it may or may not have for the general public doesn't bother me much, as I do not intend to use the word 'masking' when talking to a person who knows very little about autism. A word that has a specific meaning in the context of autism isn't going to help someone understand what I'm talking about who has never heard the word in that context and doesn't understand autism. If I wanted to talk to them about masking, I'd need to describe what it is anyway.

A more blatantly wrong term would bother me. For example selective mutism (a social anxiety disorder) used to be called elective mutism. I'd not like it to still be called that as it suggests the reason why a person doesn't speak is to be defiant or to annoy others when it actually is too strong anxiety to be able to speak. Some people still dislike the word 'selective' as it's still too ambiguous for them and would like to replace it with 'situational', but I'm fine with either of these two options. 'Masking' isn't such a blatantly wrong term tough.

As you mentioned NT wives who complain about their autistic husbands on the internet. Of course the word 'masking' has a negative connotation to them. Anything related to autism does. They're bitter and they're either bitter about their husband because he actually treated them badly - some probably due to their autism symptoms, some due to issues that may be unrelated to autism - or because some of them may have their own issues which might make them prone to feeling victimized or to perceive others more negatively. The word is not at fault there. They'd perceive it as deceitful anyway (And maybe some have a husband who actually tries to deceive them. Being autistic doesn't automatically make it impossible to be deceitful. However, masking isn't usually trying to be deceitful.)

All of that is pretty disturbing. If the OP is referencing this person's work, I am sorry she got caught up in this. I don't mind the discussion, but it becomes a bit different when propagating ideology.

Exactly. It is odd that the focus is on the word masking, when it is hard enough to deal with the negative connotations projected onto the word autism. Not sure how to reconcile those...

Ah, you've hit the nail on the head. That's what was grating me.

Upon further reflection, I think "negative reinforcement" was predominate for me when I was young but perhaps, over the years, I am getting more into "positive reinforcement"...through trial and error I try to develop techniques for getting positive reactions from folk. Either way I would think of the result as being more camouflage or adaption (as others have suggested).

I thought the generally-accepted term was "masking"; though, perhaps it was probably initially accepted by NTs. My problem with the term "masking" is it implies to me that I would be deliberately hiding my differences. The problem with that is I didn't know I was different. My perception was that the world treated me differently and I didn't know why. The only difference I was aware of was, by about age 10, I knew I had an above average IQ. At the time, I suspected that difference might have been the cause of my difficulties.

I have a similar problem with "mimicry". I thought I was already sort of like everyone else.

Positive reinforcement has taught me, over the years, that things go better with humor so I try to use that. And I believe I have gotten better with it, over time.

I figure what I am really trying to do is infiltrate the NT world.

P.S. Having bumped into OP elsewhere on WP I am convinced she is a very nice and very young person (though, at my age, almost everyone looks young!) who is genuinely caring and trying to learn. And naturally gushes emotion. I respect her intentions but, in person, I suspect she might be a hugger.

I don’t mind huggers....as long as the Huggieness is sincere.

Clueless is very clued-in when it comes to hugs.

I agree.

It's really quite arrogant for an outsider, whose first language may not even be English, to blunder in to a group and tell them they are using words wrong.

A more humble approach would have been to say, "I'm puzzled about why thas been chosen, can you explain it pl
Instead she asserts that we are stupid autistics who don't understand normal people ... ..

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Your bad faith against me is becoming quite evident to all...In prior posts here, you have publicly acknowledged that i remind of you of someone who hurt you in the past...

In an effort to mitigate your efforts to discredit what i am saying here...Everyone should know that i am NOT English-limited...In fact, i speak three languages fluently...Furthermore, i was born and raised in California...And i count with a Bachelor's in Legal Studies from a private university in California, where i graduated with distinction (higher than honors)...In the practice, i specialized in civil litigation...Therefore, i am more than qualified in the use of technical terminology...And thus, know when a word is been misapplied...I humbly acknowledge that i may not have the right word to replace the word "masking"...Still, i am glad that i opened this topic for discussion...

To accuse me of calling you all (on the spectrum) "stupid" is beyond my comprehension...For my own inner peace, i will pretend i did not read this...For the record, I am deeply, madly, forever in love with my beloved (Aspie) husband...So, i have those of you on the spectrum in the highest of regards...And, it hurts me greatly that you all could be accused of been deceitful because of the negative connotation of a word...

By the way, i am as GENUINE as you will ever know in this world...And i refuse to apologize for being GENUINE...

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I am just beginning to understand...Suppression sounds to me a much more accurate term...For you are forced to suppress your demeanor in order avoid punishment and/or be accepted by society at large...

I also very much like the term camouflaging, because it implies that you are trying to blend into your surroundings not to call unnecessary attention to yourself...Also, it implies that you do this for self-protection...Wow!! !... ...Thank you for your insight:D

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Please allow me to clarify...I know with all certainty that 'masking' in the case of you on the spectrum is STRICTLY a survival mechanism...And i also know with all certainty that you are NOT being maliciously deceitful as the word would implied...I fully understand this, and i am not accusing you of any wrongdoing, none whatsoever!! !...Please, please, please forgive me if i came across like that...

What i am saying here is that in the wide world of NTs, words come with some positive or negative connotations, some with serious consequences...Such is the case of the word "masking"...After reading all of your replies, i can see why "mimicry" is not a good alternative...Still, i am glad that i provoked enough of a reaction to at least open the discussion...Have a blessed Saturday...And thank you for your patience with this self-proclaimed clueless NT