You're crazy. You don't have AS!

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On any given day I conclude that I do not have AS, or that I may have AS, and other days I feel quite sure of a positive self-diagnosis.
But one thing is consistent: the few times I have mentioned something like, "I'm wondering if I have what is called Asperger's - it's on the autism spectrum" to loved ones, I receive instant rebuff, insistent assurance that I don't, and the topic is quickly shut off. I'm 43 years old, and when I was a child in the 60's and 70's, one did not look so favorably on the qualities associated with any sort of autism. In fact, a dictionary I have dated 1973 defines autism as living in one's own fantasy as escape from the real world. I'm surprised such a habit went so unnoticed - or I'm not surprised a few people tried to 'help' me with this tendency.
I've also been told I may be slightly... uh... 'crazy' and decidedly odd.
Whatever.

That so reflects my sense of things.

It's OK to call me 'weird', a 'freak', to castigate me for going on about Stargate, Computers, Sci-Fi and other stuff 'out of context', and to direct me onto "conversation" about football, EastEnder, Big Brother or some other trite ephemeral garbage, but try to get anyone to extrapolate from the blindingly obvious (ie eclipses the Sun in intensity), and suddenly the aporia expands itself to engulf the Miky Way!

I am beginning to evolve a Pet Theory&reg; about the apparent reluctance to accept the idea of AS/ASD in family members of a certain age; which in a nutshell boils down to <font color="red"><i>Imposition Of Personal Responsibility, Shame &amp; Guilt</i></font> The idea is that the Family Dynamic ( a co-morbid set of interrelational complexes that are manufactured to 'defend' the iniquities of the 'family' structure, the assignment of scapegoat 'roles' within that structure and the defence of a social hierarchy that is designed to emulate the scene and condition us for schooling stages and ultimately, employment), are basically under threat when presented with something - in this case, an apparently unalterable (and individually blameless), biological condition that renders unimportant and irrelevant, the assignment of blame, culpability or other coercive social sanctions within the family.

Any takers on the idea that perhaps people in their mid-30's, 40's and on up (as well as perhaps even younger people too), who are exploring the possibilty of possibly being on the ASD Spectrum are often (though clearly not always) people who have had a fractious relationship with their families and who would perhaps have been termed the 'blacksheep' of the family?

This isn't 'scientific', it isn't being posited in a properly rigorous investigatory context, nontheless, I am often inclined to suspect that some mental health professionals are resisting a paradigm shift that does away with The Grand Old Shibboleth of 'personal responsibility' and other such morally strictured judgementalism in the face of increased scientific knowledge and awareness of areas such as neuropsychiatry.

The traditional framework seemed to place the emphasis of the individual eradicating 'undesireable' personality traits and adapting themselves to suit the expectations and demands of society. This ties in with the prevailing orthodoxies around personal responsibility, with the implicit (though unstated) catechisms around 'morality'. It is easy to see that even seemingly 'objective and informed opinion' could prove rather clingy when faced with the possibility of having to question some of its fundamental principles.

I forgot to add that I just don't mention it anymore. It's my own investigation and there's no point exacerbating things.

Why does that sound so familar.... Oh yea! Happened to me too.

For me, all of my psychological evaluations came under the guises of the DSM-III-R which didn't have aspergers listed in it.

All of the reports relating to me were mainly focused on my behavior because I had a tendancy to throw tantrums as a kid, some of which could be pretty good, such as the tantrum I threw on morning in second grade when I didn't want to go out for recess and I had to be dragged kicking, screaming, and swearing down the hall and out the door.

When one reads through those reports, the signs of a PDD are clearly there, and all one has to do is connect the dots.

But they were ignored becasue the image of PDD that was prevelant in the late 80's and early 90's was not what it is today.

When I was eventally hit with an ADHD diagnoses, I was described as a severe and stereotypical case. The question I have, not so much being told I don't have AS, would be, do I go back and see this same guy (as my parents have suggested, and my counsler at oshkosh warmed me against doing) and telling him that he may be wrong?

I shall take the approach of keeping it to myself, if I finally settle the matter in a manner that is deemed 'inappropriate'. There comes a point where it ceases to make sense to keep the antagonisms going.

If it proves impossible for me to put it on a formal footing and if I decide to follow the train of though and the line of reasoning that seems to make a great deal of sense, many of the antecedent issues will actually resolve themselves, in my mind at least. That is about all I can realistically hope for.

Personally, i believe that all medical professionals mostly do not know what they're talking about. Partly because some of them are egotists, and mostly because they need to appear to know more to comfort their patients. This isn't limited to psychologists by any means. Another part that i think contributes to mistakes is that most professionals have a pet interest. Like social workers who think sociology is where "it is at" and psychologists are complete idiots.

My therapist seemed like a person who believed that all of your personality and problems could be understood and explained through your family, environment, and upbringing. And seemed to put no value in biological facts and attributes. It was either that or he really didn't know anything about autism and AS. Because we went through a period where i discussed social problems i had, and that i thought, for pretty much my entire life that i thought i had something LIKE autism. And when i was telling him about this i didn't know much about autism and i didn't know ANYTHING about AS.

If The Professionals cannot be relied upon for impartiality, then that really tends to undermine their claim to being above 'self-diagnosis' really, to my mind at least. I would hope that most of The Professionals in today's practice would be able to overcome earlier prejudices, but it seems unlikely.

It was the family/environment/upbringing triumvirate framework that dominated the approach I was exposed to from 1979 to 1984. It seemed to be the 'accepted' way of doing things but this might have been because what is known 25 years later is comparatively new knowledge; at that stage they simply didn't have access to it.

Without doubt, professionals get 'locked into' what amounts to a kind of 'ideology'; they view their field of expertise from a definitely biased perspective. I think I raised some of these points in earlier postings, though perhaps I was not careful enough to put the meanings across properly.

You don't have to convince me of this one. I'm 42, and I'd say you've got this one nailed down pretty tight.
I just don't mention AS or anything remotely related to it. I'm just "gifted" and "weird"... they're happy with that, and I can live with that perception from them. Heck, I've been living with it for 42 years.

I'm only speaking from personal experience and gut instinct (how reliable is that?), but I think it is probably right.


Not me; I'm just 'weird'

While looking for my Asperger's syndrome diagnosis my mom claims I have somewhere in my room, I found some old prescriptions from about five or six years ago. They seem to be for treating bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder.

• Paxil (paroxetine), 20 mg per day (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)
• Prozac (fluoxetine), 20 mg per day (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)
• Zoloft (sertraline), 100 mg per day (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)
• Lithobid (lithium carbonate), 300 mg per day (antimanic) -- May 23, 1999
• Risperdal (risperidone), 1 mg per day (antipsychotic) -- May 23, 1999
• Seroquel (quetiapine), 25 mg per day (antipsychotic)
• Neurontin (Gabapentin), 300 mg per day (anticonvulsant, used to treat seizures associated with epilepsy!) -- June 2000
  

I am currently being treated with yet another selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, Lexapro (escitalopram oxalate) at 20 mg per day, to treat anxiety, depression, and obsessional thinking (little success for that symptom). Earlier, the depression was quite bad. It's still not completely gone.

Last edited by NeantHumain on 10 Jul 2005, 11:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

My psychologist said I had AS at the first appoitment. My speach therapists in my first school in South Africa said I had some other problem, yet my aunt knew I had AS. Strange. Oh well.

NeantHumain, my experiences with medication are similar.
It was thought I had schizoprenia, though.
Have had Seroquel and Risperidone. Felt like a zombie on those.
Have also had Prozac/Lovan but nothing happened.
I am taking the same dose of Lexapro and, like you, still feel like it hasn't fully taken effect. It should have done so by now.
I'm also taking 1000mg per day of Epilim (sodium valproate), anticonvulsant.

Check out the zombie survival guide.

The Lexapro (escitalopram oxalate) was working great for a while; but, after a few weeks, its effects seem to have diminished. For a while, I was very happy, talking to people much more than I usually do, smiling more, and everything. Most of those euthymic (i.e., normal, happy mood) symptoms are now gone. I would say my general mood has been mild depression for the past couple of months instead of the more severe depression I had when I began taking Lexapro.

What I don't get is why such a serious Co-morbiding
for a situation for AS. AS is a social, not chemical disfunction?
Are these really neccessary, or med'manufactor$$$$ guinea
piggin? I am not going to interject my opinion, but ask in
a friendly fashion why?

I still don't get it! Why are you being treated like
a pharmacudical guinea pig for AS social issues?