Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Coming Across Even More Different Than I Realized

Page 3 of 3 [ 35 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

Previous topic | Next topic

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

06 Aug 2021, 7:24 am

Harry Haller wrote:
Seems it's kind of like walking into a pitch-dark room with an intense narrow-beam flashlight (or even laser) as opposed to carrying a lantern: the illumination/focus is much the more precise and intense, yet circumscribed.


I like the analogy!



firemonkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,657
Location: Calne,England

06 Aug 2021, 7:35 am

I think I come over as more than a little odd to a lot of people. Just my gait alone no doubt kicks off an 'OMG, WTF!' reaction in more than a few people.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 242

10 Aug 2021, 8:15 pm

cyberdad wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
These people see me as a freak. I used to think maybe I came off as arrogant or standoffish, and have been accused of being snobby/or a know it all as a kid. But when I read this post I realized I was the joke. I was Phoebe from friends, the butt of all jokes, but at the same time completely unawares and just living her life. It hurts a lot, and I know that some people find me wonderful, but still don't include me or stand by me through things.

It's like they want the association with me, for some reason I come off as slightly cool, alternative, authentic...but at the same time, they don't want me around because maybe I won't fit or don't fit.

After being with my bf, I realized that maybe he too might feel this way as well, I am not sure yet, but I have decided to not really focus on making connections anymore or trying to be friends, find common ground, I am just myself and people can take it or leave it.
Shrug.


This is a very interesting insight. Your first instinct in this case is probably correct with your female friends. I've observed NT girls and they can be very conniving and highly complex in their relationships. I would say the relationships you have with female friends is very much like "friends with benefits" in terms of them finding you quirky (in a Phoebe/Friends kind of way) which is entertaining when the mood strikes them (this is kind of similar to boy/girl friends with benefits where they hang out and if the sexual timing aligns (like stars) then sex happens. Otherwise nothing. Same way if the mood strikes them they like you and get a kick out of your quirkiness but (of course) they are climbing social ladders (all NTs do) and can't afford to carry "social baggage" that they can't explain to their socially upwardly mobile female friends. I would not take it personally. It's pretty universal.

Now your B/F is a different matter. You have value to him which is why he wants to be your B/F. You have something that he needs. As long as he needs this then I wouldn't worry about losing him.


Sorry for the delay in responding, I started a new job a week or so ago, and have been overstimulated beyond belief.

Anyways, about females, I don't spend enough time with them to take anything personally. They like me or they don't, I have no desire to be around groups though. Because of family or work situations this of course has happened, and I remove myself as quickly as possible.

About my bf, he is neurodivergent, but not autistic, and I think he can seek outward approval from NTs. This may prove to be a major issue, for the time being, it's not really a factor. Long term, I would like to keep him, but if he chooses to break up with me, I can't do anything about that, so I will just keep being myself :-) It's been more than two years together this month.