Tony Attwood is a moron!

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Tony is not a moron. He is actually a very good personal friend of mine. Unlike yourself, I actually know him. I also know what he believes and knows about Autistic people. And not everything you say in your original post is correct.

Like you said. I do not know him personally. I only have what he says publicly to go off of. And the things he's said publicly are bunk. He clearly thinks that all aspies have successful STEM careers and that all aspies are men. He has no idea that we struggle with romance past the age of 25, or that the vast majority of us are unemplyable and are forced to live with our parents. Or at least that's what he says in his lectures. So he either is a moron or he is being deliberately deceitful. Sorry not sorry.

Didn't Tony Attwood come to diagnose his own son as Autistic? He said he was a fool for not realizing it sooner. His son, according to him, doesn't have a STEM career. Rather, desperate for friendship, the son fell in with the wrong crowd and has had problems with drugs and fraternizing with shady people.

I don't know if the son is really Autistic, but Tony claims he is. The son's life has been a disaster. So, if Tony admits his son has turned out poorly, but still has AS, then it's incorrect to say Tony says ALL Aspies are in STEM. His very own son proves this isn't true, by his own admission.

My special interests are very masculine. I also identify as male. My mum doesn't understand why I don't want to be like her. Modern pop music grates on my nerves and Germany grates on her nerves. I'm sure she'd be out the car door if she had to listen to the German patriotic music that I like. She likes girly things and I love my self-made German helmet. She's not going to change me and I'm not going to change her, but we still love each other.

You are welcome to think whatever you like. But I know that what you say about him is not true at all.

Like all experts in the field, Tony Attwood has to walk a very fine line between the honest truth about ASD and what is palatable for those of us with the condition.

What I mean is, parents, teachers and caregivers of aspies generally want to know the truth about ASD, warts and all, so as to help out their aspie kids/charges.
But if Tony were to describe ASD in entirely negative terms he would get a huge backlash from 'high functioning' autistics, who want recognition for their strengths and not just description of their weaknesses.
Plus, I think Tony has a genuine fondness for aspies in general and our capabilities. I can hardly fault him for that.

I believe that is why he tries to balance out the negative aspects of the condition with the positive - but I don't believe he has ever indicated that there are not difficulties for aspies, for instance in areas of relationships or employment. Why else has he co-authored self-help books for aspies??

The OPs comment reflects less about Tony Attwood than on the OPs life frustration, I think.

ToughDiamond, I am touched by your story. I do think it's harder for boys because of the expectations for males. You're absolutely right that being desperate would drive people away. It's not just girls, but also friends, family, jobs. Nobody enjoys being around someone who's trying too hard to be not themselves.

To OP, I don't think people in relationships are all perfectly happy. I've been around plenty of NT women and it seems to be everyone's favorite thing to complain about their husbands. And the troubles I have gone through with relationships could utterly destroy many people. It's a lot of work to maintain a relationship. Why do you want to be in one? To experience the addictive quality of love chemicals? They fade quickly you know. And you can experience similar highs with new hobbies or special interests. It might be best for an aspie to remain single, free and enjoys himself/herself. There were three years during my adulthood when I wasn't in a relationship. I still recall that time fondly. I accomplished so much and was so happy with myself, I thought that if a genie granted me three wishes, I wouldn't have a single thing to ask for.

If my sons don't get married I'd be fine with that. No need to take on the extra burden of maintaining a family. One can always leave a legacy by a successful career, creative works, or charitable involvement. One thing is for sure, life will never turn out to be what you expected.

Thank you. One of the bits of luck was that I eventually became fairly confident and outgoing with those few male friends I had, and that I noticed that females weren't a different species, so as human beings they responded well to most of the things that males responded to. It is indeed hard to know why anybody would simply want a lifelong relationship, though it was always a strong driving force in me. I guess for many of us it's in our nature. But it can trick us into putting the cart before the horse. It makes no sense to want a relationship with somebody you know almost nothing about.

This whole idea that if relationships are not always %100 then they're not worth having at all is utter bullsh!t. I don't see anyone capable of having relationships avoiding them for the reasons you mentioned above. It's just some condescending bullsh!t to throw at people like me. I am and never was under any illusion that relationships are always happily ever after with no problems along the way. So why do I want a relationship? I don't expect to find the one perfect woman or that I will spend the rest of my life with one particular woman. I'm not even sure that getting married is what I want. So why do I want a relationship? Because I'm tired of feeling lonely my entire life. And because I need sex. And because I want to have the option of having children if I choose I want to some day.

As for all this supposed freedom all you happily married folks envy me; do you know what I've done with it? Jack, that's what! Strangely enough, it turns out that it is only possible to travel the world, go sky diving, or backpack through Europe when you have an excess of disposable money to burn through. Who woulda thunk it?! So yeah, I have all this great, wonderful free-dumb I can't do anything with because I'm perpetually broke. Lucky me!

And well hurray for you! You got have your freedom for a few years between relationships. You had no problem getting a relationship when you wanted one before and you could get another one again when you decided you wanted. You already had your aforementioned sons. That's totally exactly the same as being a 40-year-old virgin knowing nobody ever has wanted to be with you and nobody ever will.

And btw, I just absolutely love how you are okay with your sons never getting married. Because it's not like their own feelings on how their own lives turn out have any relevance to anything.



I never had any trouble making female friends. I've always had many friends who are women who enjoy my company and think I'm a great guy to spend time with. It is only when I attempted to pursue sexual or romantic relations that things fell apart. While many women have always liked me as a friend, none ever wanted to date me or sleep with me. And since I am heterosexual, my experiences with men are not useful for that purpose.

Well maybe you should pass the message along to him that everything he think he knows about the experiences of aspies is dead wrong. Also, tell him its not the place of a f***ing neurotypical to presume to speak about on our behalf.

Tell him yourself. He is not a difficult person to reach.

Actually, quite a few Aspie women do have difficulty attracting partners, or at least partners willing to stick around for a long-term relationship. I've seen quite a few complaints along these lines from women here on WP.


Perhaps a sampling error rather than an "outright lie"? (See below.)


Perhaps because couples who fit the pattern he describes (men working in STEM) are the only ones who can afford to see him? Because he's famous, I would guess that he cam probably get away with being one of the highest-priced psychotherapists in the entire world, and he probably doesn't need to take insurance.

"Socially awkward mothers," on the other hand, are less likely to have high-paying jobs (even if they work in STEM fields) and less likely than an NT woman to marry a well-to-do man, thus less likely to be able to afford to be Tony Attwood's clients?


Indeed that's not true of all aspies, but perhaps it might be true of all or most of the aspies who can afford to be his psychotherapy clients?


Yes he should know more about autistic people other than his own clients.

EDIT: The above assumes that you've accurately represented what he said in the video. I haven't actually watched the video yet. My opinions might change after I watch it.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 17 Aug 2021, 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I never said or implied anything about female aspies being able to attract quality partners. My point is that a quality or lasting relationship is not necessary to produce children. I'm was simply offering an explanation for how aspies can continue to exist when nobody will love us.



Since we are just a means for him to get rich, then he has no business pretending that he actually gives a crap aout us or that his wealthy clients represent all of us.



That's my point.

Many--maybe most--people here have a history of rejection and abuse. We're autistic! My own early life was awful.

But that doesn't mean we...
Call respected experts we disagree with "morons"...
Constantly project our own failings and insecurities onto all autistic people...
Whine that were we're too old to ever achieve anything when we're not even 40 yet.

Women generally don't want to be romantic partners (or even sex partners) with bitter, insecure, vindictive, self-pitying men, whether they're autistic or not.

Last edited by magz on 18 Aug 2021, 4:07 am, edited 1 time in total.: Personal attack cross-posting removed

OP, If you don't want harsh opinions & prefer only commiseration, you'll need to get this moved to Haven.

Eta: I'm not a fan of his myself, but I don't have any opinion on it/him other than meh.

!	magz wrote:
	Some posts have been removed. Please, avoid personal attacks. Also, please, don't respond to what you interpret as personal attacks by more personal attacks. Thank you.