This is what I think Empathy is...

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When I was first considering AS as a possable explaination for what "ails" me......I assumed I could not be AS because I felt I experienced empathy...sometimes to a painful degree.It was true that my mother often accused me of being selfish and I dont recall having much empathy for her until I was in my 20's and had enough information to understand(intellectually),that she was in pain.Prior to that I just thought she was a monster who enjoyed torturing me and she was so far removed from my own life experiences that I could not relate to her actions towards me in any way.I judged her by my experience of her actions and what might motivate a person to act that way towards another human....my only conclussion was that she was a sadist who must get some pleasure from hurting me.


SO,I can only feel empathy towards a person/animal/object whose experience, I can relate to in some way.I am not motivated by owning items or needing a job "title" to impress others and reinforce my own self-esteem.I am not motivated by receiving pleasure from harming others or having dominance over them.There are other situations that are so removed from my own life experiencs and internal motivation that I simply can not stretch my "imagination" to incorporate that persons emotions and perceptions into my own reality.Towards those people I have very little empathy,not do to a value judgement but from my own lack of experience with those emotional pains.I can figure out intellectually that a person is acting a certain way because they are experiencing the fear of losing material items or the esteem of their parents,etc.But it is a total intellectual process,not an emptional one.However if that person were to be laying bleeding to death and worried about "how their children would survive with out them if they died" or were in great physical pain....I would be able to empathisize,because I have been in physical pain and worry what will happen to my cats(kids)if I died.So it isnt the person but that "pain" that I can relate to.


On the other hand,there are times that I am not "walking in the shoes of another" but feel "possesed" by their emotions.This happens more often with animals I work with but can happen just as strongly when reading descriptions of others suffering in different times(history)or places(Iraq).These internilizing suffereing of others became so intense in my teens and twenties that I had to stop exposing myself to it.I watch some news,read some books but try and keep a balance between my own existence and others.Over exposing myself to others suffering became toxic and resulted in complete cynicism and escape into suicidal fantasies to escape ...."the horror" of humanity.I dont know how common this is to AS or if it is a different eliment of my personality.I know there are others who theorize that people with AS tend to "relate" and feel protective of "underdogs".


There is some selfishness in my acts of "compassion"towards the dogs I take care of.Their signs of distress...howling,barking,scratching to get out of kennels,begging for more food,having dirty water,blankets that are pissed on,fear that their "people" will never come back for them,need to be touched and reasured that they are cared about.
All these things cause internal distress in me....it is very painful and I want the pain to stop.So beyond the fact that I do actually love the dogs and want tot make their lives better in some small way...I also want my own pain to stop.So I spend extra time making sure all their physical needs are taken care of,give them extra food even though I know I shouldnt and dont want them to get obess,spend my breaks giving them physical attention and talking reassuringly to them.I think it helps them sleep better and stops most of the howling and this stops some of my own pain.The odd thing to me is....I experience this much stronger in animals and "strangers".When it comes to humans in my daily environment(few),I can figure out some empathy through intellectual process,knowing some things based on learning about human psychology,I can sometimes figure out "why" some one maybe acting a certain way and look for possible psychological or emotional causes...but it is much more a mathmatical problem I am trying to solve then an "internilizing".I have a desire to like people because I want them to like me...if for no other reason then...."when people like you they tend to not try and hurt you and ocassionally even help you".It isnt a matter of my self perception being influenced by their esteem but just a matter of not being screwed with all the time.I do care about how people I respect and admire feel about me(like many people here),but there arent many people outside of WP,that I know well enough to actually like or dislike...I'm to shy and they are to disinterested?

According to the bible,we are supposed to ..."do unto others as we would like them to do unto us."I have always wondered why it didnt actually say..."Do unto others as THEY would like us to do".It seems to me that the Golden Rule knows that most people are NOT able to know what someone else actually wants us to do unto them,so the best we can do is imagine what we would want them to do to us if we were in a similiar situation.Of course this may just be some "lost in translation" but it seems to imply that humans can walk in someone elses shoes(as themselves)but NOT feel what it is to be that person walking in those shoes.I dont think this is mere simantics.