Who else is borderline AS/NT?
Me.
I'm fairly close to normality. I knew these kids who had really awful AS in school who needed a support assistant with them at all times and used to get the E.A Beck Specialist bus to and from school.
I absolutely HATE staying at home. I prefer going out with my pals, one of which knows about my diagnosis but has either forgotten about it for a few years or just not mentioned it. I enjoy socialising to an extent, but if attractive girls are involved, it's tough to keep my 'nerve' and I quieten down when they are present, or avoid the conversations unless asked.
The AS symptom I have is that I write lists of made up football scores and my voice is quite deep, maybe not monotonous.
I've learned a lot in my nineteen years, and value friendship more than anything. I've also been accused of being a misogynist, and to an extent, that is the case. In school I was ONLY bullied by females. The male half of the year gave me mess around stick, while the females just mentally abused me.
I've learned to control AS, and am borderline NT, with one or two bugs that make me not one.
mmaestro
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I totally did that. Also avoiding the cracks in the pavement. I know a lot of kids do this, but I did it for years, and the streets had large slabs of concrete probably 4'x2' on the sidewalk, so it was everywhere. Eventually, I think when I was 10 or 11, I decided I had to stop doing that. Spent 2 years where I had to walk on the cracks.
Yeah. Not really what I'd originally been going for.
Anyway, to answer the original question, yes I think I'm borderline. I mostly pass for NT, I have no formal diagnosis and, were it not for some OCD issues probably wouldn't be seeking one, although now I've started investigating aspects of Asperger's, I think it'll probably be helpful in ironing out those few things that can cause problems in interpersonal stuff, as well as explaining other things. It's frustrating to look back, because I'm starting to feel like I understand why I've never held down a job that required a fair degree of interpersonal contact for more than 6 months, an honestly was probably pretty bad at the ones I had. Unfortunately, jobs where you hide in a hole and ignore other people but which pay decent money are few and far between. My big concern with seeking a diagnosis is that I'm now old enough that I've learned my way around what were originally pretty mild symptoms to start with, so while I'm absolutely convinced that I have Asperger's, I'm dubious of my ability to convince a psychiatrist of that.
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mmaestro
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What to do?
I think we're clones. What you describe fits me to a "T."
Here's my opinion: Autism Spectrum Disorders are precisely that, disorders which exist along a spectrum. There are varying degrees of severity, and precisely where you put the cutoffs is somewhat arbitrary. Someone who's smack-bang in the middle of one of the definitions, or in the case of full, low functioning autism towards the end or full NTism toward the other end will find it easy to be placed or place themselves, but if you're reaching the borders between diagnoses, the subjectiveness of precisely where each cutoff exists will inherently make it difficult to say whether you do or do not have Asperger's, high functioning autism, whatever.
I feel like I match you pretty well here, and I consider myself to have Asperger's, but a diagnosis or a label is really only any use if it gives some sort of benefit. For me, the label's important both because reading about Asperger's seems to be teaching me a lot about myself and will hopefully improve my ability to handle personal interactions, and secondly because Asperger's can change how the OCD which I suffer from is treated.
But what to do? Decide whether there's any need to pursue a formal diagnosis, whether you think you'd benefit, or if you're happy sitting where you are and doing what you do. In the end, the label's just a means to an end, the end being figuring out where you fit into the world and trying to live a happy and fulfilling life.
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"You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd"
-Captain Sheridan, Babylon 5
Music of the Moment: Radiohead - In Rainbows
I have no doubt I am 100% AS. I have never fit in, never been able to deal with things others could deal with and socially, I am totally inept. Plus I have severe sensory issues in some areas, a history going back to childhood of obsessive interests/collecting and various stims. My gp has put Aspergers on my medical note too.
I'm borderline in the sense that I can function very well in the NT world. I can act, and dress, well for extended periods, but unless it is for a very important reason, I refuse to do it. I also realize that definitions are fairly arbitrary and when I look at someone like my mom, or late brother, I'm much higher functioning than they are.(were) So this makes me closer to some imaginary NT/ASD border.(?) I have trouble with the "border line" idea, because those of us who are older have had to adapt or get pushed aside. I'm not sure how much is adaptation and how much is wiring.
I'm borderline. I don't "sound" aspie-like. I dress normally and I can come off as a normal, albeit quiet, person. I can even have decent relationships with some people. However, when I spend a lot of time with someone, it becomes clear to whomever it is I'm with that I'm indeed a strange person.
I'm not badly afflicted, but badly enough to make my life and perspectives very different from those of others.
Wow. This all sounds extremely familiar.
I was extremely smart at school (maths as well as verbal), but I was also disruptive and angry. I would always be getting into fights at home and school. At 13 the school sent a letter home with me saying they were -> <- close to kicking me out. Instead, they advanced me three grades, which solved one problem at the expense of causing others, but that's a story for another time. My family and school assumed that humilation, negative reinforcement and "hard work" would make me normal. It didn't work, but it did fill me with the assumption that I was like I was because of sheer wickedness or a failing on my part. If I can believe that not only was that not true, but it's just something to do with the way my brain is wired, then I think I can start dealing with my problems from a position of self-acceptance rather than blaming (as the REBT crowd would have it).
I have managed to live a "normal" life, but not one to the full extent of what I want - I want a life better than normal! I can get and hold a job, but not the jobs I'm qualified for, mainly because when I was finishing my doctorate I wasn't good at making the social networks you need to break into academia. (Plus, I chose an area of research which interested me instead of fitting in with someone else's programme.) I am a political activist, and I am brilliant at cultural analysis and writing a manifesto or a speech, but terrible at making the networks you need to actually win your point of view in a democratic society. I find eye-contact in conversations with anyone but my nearest and dearest annoying and unpleasant, and making a phone call to a stranger terrifying. I don't see the point of asking "polite questions" to which I'm indifferent to the answer, but I will talk for hours if there is real common ground (or if I just think there is). I can multitask, but that only means that instead of getting obsessed over a single task and not budging until it's done, I'm obsessing over three or four at once. (Hence being distracted from a tight deadline to write this post!)
I have had many sexual-romantic relationships, almost all of them disastrous - since with my nearest and dearest I generally "drop the mask" and this freaks normal people out and even other strange people find it difficult to deal with. I have a few very close and wonderful friends, but I know full well that they kind of giggle about me and like me despite what I am, rather than because of it. I know full well that they don't really want to hear long disquisitions on my cultural-political theories, the minutiae of the careers of my favourite musicians or explanations of the unspoken cultural assumptions of the TV programme we're watching, but I find it difficult to remember that before I start the rant. I find it extremely difficult to do anything "frivolous", and I gravitate naturally to the corner of the room with the bookcase at parties.
So, in summary: both in my work and in my private life I have achieved some stability and success in spite of what appear to be my neurological/behavioural difficulties. It's just that I want more than that. Making networks and social contacts seems to be far more important for real success in the real world of horrible jobs than just being incredibly skilled at something - unless you can surround yourself with people who can shield you from that world. And most people have better things to do with their life than be human shields for someone who prefers not to deal with social networks.
Perhaps we need a new word or descriptive term for those of us "on the borderline". People who have a lot of behavioural traits in common with Aspie/HFA individuals, who can live a "normal" life in our particular culture with more-or-less success, but still find it difficult and unpleasant because of those behaviour traits and would like to achieve the kind of success we imagine, rather than settling for "good enough". And then we can get our own board or something.
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"She is the new fascination, the cold face of love."
Here's the thing, and I think this is a bit of a provocative statement: I think I'm percieved as "typical" (and therefore, I consider myself more typical) because I'm relatively attractive. I think if I were unattractive, people would think I was much stranger, and, therefore, I would feel less typical. I could imagine myself sort of curling up further inside myself and my symptoms would be greater.
I can see this in my own life already. I began losing my hair a few years ago, and since then, I've viewed my own social interactions as more difficult. This is probably attributable to my confidence level, but it's probably also a feedback loop, with me reacting to how other's are reacting, and this mixes with my own preconceptions etc.
My point is this: I think *on the margins* there are a lot of factors that ultimately go into whether you feel typical, and how you're percieved by the general public.
mmaestro
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My own preference would probably be to lower the criteria for Asperger's so it's easier to fit into that bracket, distinguish it from High Functioning Autism, and use HFA to describe those who we'd currently describe as having Asperger's who have it in a more obvious/debilitating way. My gut is that there's still a lot of work to be done to firm up precisely what we want to call different places on the Autism Spectrum. Or you could go with something simple like High Functioning Asperger's, but I'm guessing acronym issues would make that confusing.
FWIW, I hate the term "Aspies," I feel like it makes us sound like we're 12 or something. Given that part of the problem is slower developing social skills (perceived, we all know in reality it's more complex than that) using a term which makes it sound like you're describing a child is counter productive, IMO.
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"You're never more alone than when you're alone in a crowd"
-Captain Sheridan, Babylon 5
Music of the Moment: Radiohead - In Rainbows
High-low-middle-high-lower than high autism; keep it simple like it already is:
You meet the criteria or you don't; if you just meet the criteria for Asperger's you're most likely better off than someone who has everything listed.
The LFA/HFA definition is just silly; there's some who associate HFA with Asperger's and there's those who say that those with autistic disorder who aren't mentally ret*d have HFA. Most people with autistic disorder have some form of mental retardation in certain areas -- but not in other areas. So IQ tests are going to be all over the place and said tests aren't going to define someone as high or low functioning; you can have an IQ of a zillion in spatial knowledge that pushes your IQ up. You're normal in other things and below average/ret*d in a certain base of knowledge -- you're going to have a high baseline IQ no matter what, but it says nothing on your ability to function in society. Conversely, you can have a low baseline IQ and function better than said mentioned person with a high IQ due to extratextual factors that the IQ test cannot predict.