14 Jul 2022, 5:23 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
skibum wrote:
But to write an article that implies that all, or the majority of the Aspergian community is like this, is absolutely unacceptable. This is what I am saying.
If that's the impression it left you with, I can understand that it's troubling. I just don't share that impression.
funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 28,931
Location: Right over your left shoulder
14 Jul 2022, 5:28 pm
skibum wrote:
I appreciate and respect that.
I mean it, especially because I've spent my life learning to never view things that way unless I can't find a way not to, I might legitimately be desensitized.
Also, in case this hadn't been added:
Quote:
I think overall we're probably not far off from the general idea that how aggression among autistics right now is dealt with hurts everyone involved (both adults and kids with autism and the caregivers whether pros or family) and improvements are needed.
I went through cycles of becoming deeply inhibited towards expressing aggression only to finally be placed in situations where no other option existed (repeatedly).
I'd like to keep as few of us from occupying either of those extremes as possible, but also, for those who's temperament is passive but still have moments of hyper-aggression, I'd imagine the help also means they'll have less guilt and regrets over actions that occurred during meltdowns or similar states.
I went through cycles of becoming deeply inhibited towards expressing aggression only to finally be placed in situations where no other option existed (repeatedly).
I'd like to keep as few of us from occupying either of those extremes as possible, but also, for those who's temperament is passive but still have moments of hyper-aggression, I'd imagine the help also means they'll have less guilt and regrets over actions that occurred during meltdowns or similar states.
As hard as that sort of guilt can be to deal with an a fairly aggressive person, I can imagine people who's temperament is far less aggressive would have a harder time of it.
14 Jul 2022, 5:39 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
skibum wrote:
I appreciate and respect that.
I mean it, especially because I've spent my life learning to never view things that way unless I can't find a way not to, I might legitimately be desensitized.
Also, in case this hadn't been added:
Quote:
I think overall we're probably not far off from the general idea that how aggression among autistics right now is dealt with hurts everyone involved (both adults and kids with autism and the caregivers whether pros or family) and improvements are needed.
I went through cycles of becoming deeply inhibited towards expressing aggression only to finally be placed in situations where no other option existed (repeatedly).
I'd like to keep as few of us from occupying either of those extremes as possible, but also, for those who's temperament is passive but still have moments of hyper-aggression, I'd imagine the help also means they'll have less guilt and regrets over actions that occurred during meltdowns or similar states.
I went through cycles of becoming deeply inhibited towards expressing aggression only to finally be placed in situations where no other option existed (repeatedly).
I'd like to keep as few of us from occupying either of those extremes as possible, but also, for those who's temperament is passive but still have moments of hyper-aggression, I'd imagine the help also means they'll have less guilt and regrets over actions that occurred during meltdowns or similar states.
As hard as that sort of guilt can be to deal with an a fairly aggressive person, I can imagine people who's temperament is far less aggressive would have a harder time of it.
I can speak for myself. The emotional and psychological torture that I live every single day because I am not aggressive in nature is actually making me have neurological deterioration to the point now where my therapists and doctors are concerned about how much longer I can stay alive under this kind of pressure. So I understand exactly what you mean. Unless I remain in complete social isolation, almost every single day of my life I have at least one interaction where I am being psychologically, emotionally, or neurologically pushed beyond what I can bear. Some people, including every single nt that I know, would lash out aggressively if pushed to that limit. But I am not capable of aggressive behavior even if it is in self defense. I would be like a toddler trying to fight off a large and strong man. So I end up internalizing everything and sometimes the aggression becomes self inflicted because it's the only option left. The energy has to be released somehow even if the target has to be the victim. So I do understand the concept very well.
14 Jul 2022, 6:04 pm
Great and encouraging update!!
I just got a call back from the author of the article. He actually feels terrible. He had no intention at all of having that article imply that he thinks that all or that the majority of Aspergian people are the way that the article describes. He is actually a very nice and humble person who really thinks very highly of the Autistic community and really wants to help. So I apologize for my initial reaction to his article and website as well. I am now genuinely convinced that he just made some poor errors in judgment that caused his choices of words and how he designed his website to give a wrong impression. I am so happy that he called and that we were able to talk. He will be calling me again and I am really looking forward to having a great relationship with him where we can discuss the challenges that we have as a community and together work towards solutions that help us all.
I am so happy to have been proved wrong in my initial impression. Sometimes that's the best feeling. 
14 Jul 2022, 6:46 pm
14 Jul 2022, 7:04 pm
14 Jul 2022, 7:37 pm
Quote:
Joe, I am not saying that your aunt is a bad person or that she is intentionally hurting her son. But there is something going on in the dynamic or the relationship which is very painful to him
Where have you got this from?
(Just wondering, maybe I'd posted about this somewhere else but can't remember doing so).
14 Jul 2022, 7:49 pm
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
Joe, I am not saying that your aunt is a bad person or that she is intentionally hurting her son. But there is something going on in the dynamic or the relationship which is very painful to him
Where have you got this from?
(Just wondering, maybe I'd posted about this somewhere else but can't remember doing so).
15 Jul 2022, 12:16 am
skibum wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
Joe, I am not saying that your aunt is a bad person or that she is intentionally hurting her son. But there is something going on in the dynamic or the relationship which is very painful to him
Where have you got this from?
(Just wondering, maybe I'd posted about this somewhere else but can't remember doing so).
It's OK, I was just confused, that's all.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 28,931
Location: Right over your left shoulder
15 Jul 2022, 2:17 am
15 Jul 2022, 5:21 am
skibum wrote:
Great and encouraging update!!
I just got a call back from the author of the article. He actually feels terrible. He had no intention at all of having that article imply that he thinks that all or that the majority of Aspergian people are the way that the article describes. He is actually a very nice and humble person who really thinks very highly of the Autistic community and really wants to help. So I apologize for my initial reaction to his article and website as well. I am now genuinely convinced that he just made some poor errors in judgment that caused his choices of words and how he designed his website to give a wrong impression. I am so happy that he called and that we were able to talk. He will be calling me again and I am really looking forward to having a great relationship with him where we can discuss the challenges that we have as a community and together work towards solutions that help us all.
I am so happy to have been proved wrong in my initial impression. Sometimes that's the best feeling.
I just got a call back from the author of the article. He actually feels terrible. He had no intention at all of having that article imply that he thinks that all or that the majority of Aspergian people are the way that the article describes. He is actually a very nice and humble person who really thinks very highly of the Autistic community and really wants to help. So I apologize for my initial reaction to his article and website as well. I am now genuinely convinced that he just made some poor errors in judgment that caused his choices of words and how he designed his website to give a wrong impression. I am so happy that he called and that we were able to talk. He will be calling me again and I am really looking forward to having a great relationship with him where we can discuss the challenges that we have as a community and together work towards solutions that help us all.
I am so happy to have been proved wrong in my initial impression. Sometimes that's the best feeling.
Hi. Just curious if he is going to officially acknowledge what you pointed out and maybe rewrite his article so that there will be no more misunderstandings. Even if he didn't intend to depict autistic people negatively, it could still do harm if the article remains unchanged.
I should thank you for proactively contacting the author of the article for all of us and clarifying his intention. I wouldn't be able to do the same because I'm too disabled and scared of people to contact a stranger.
Edit: added the second paragraph
15 Jul 2022, 10:43 am
Joe90 wrote:
skibum wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
Joe, I am not saying that your aunt is a bad person or that she is intentionally hurting her son. But there is something going on in the dynamic or the relationship which is very painful to him
Where have you got this from?
(Just wondering, maybe I'd posted about this somewhere else but can't remember doing so).
It's OK, I was just confused, that's all.
15 Jul 2022, 10:47 am
funeralxempire wrote:
skibum wrote:
I can speak for myself. The emotional and psychological torture that I live every single day because I am not aggressive in nature is actually making me have neurological deterioration to the point now where my therapists and doctors are concerned about how much longer I can stay alive under this kind of pressure. So I understand exactly what you mean. Unless I remain in complete social isolation, almost every single day of my life I have at least one interaction where I am being psychologically, emotionally, or neurologically pushed beyond what I can bear. Some people, including every single nt that I know, would lash out aggressively if pushed to that limit. But I am not capable of aggressive behavior even if it is in self defense. I would be like a toddler trying to fight off a large and strong man. So I end up internalizing everything and sometimes the aggression becomes self inflicted because it's the only option left. The energy has to be released somehow even if the target has to be the victim. So I do understand the concept very well.
In some ways I can relate because the stress of never letting it out is overwhelming even if the fear of slipping for just an instant in the wrong circumstance is a strong motivator to continue dealing with that stress.
I've self-harmed in response to having to internalize those feelings. I've self-harmed by releasing those feelings on inanimate objects to avoid taking them out on people who probably deserved to be on the receiving end, as well as to avoid doing so to people who didn't.
It's also caused harm in other ways even if thankfully it hasn't lead to legal problems yet.
People don't realize the amount of courage and strength it takes to go through what we go through on a regular basis just to survive and stay as intact as we can. It's a tough road but somehow we manage it.
15 Jul 2022, 10:53 am
temp1234 wrote:
skibum wrote:
Great and encouraging update!!
I just got a call back from the author of the article. He actually feels terrible. He had no intention at all of having that article imply that he thinks that all or that the majority of Aspergian people are the way that the article describes. He is actually a very nice and humble person who really thinks very highly of the Autistic community and really wants to help. So I apologize for my initial reaction to his article and website as well. I am now genuinely convinced that he just made some poor errors in judgment that caused his choices of words and how he designed his website to give a wrong impression. I am so happy that he called and that we were able to talk. He will be calling me again and I am really looking forward to having a great relationship with him where we can discuss the challenges that we have as a community and together work towards solutions that help us all.
I am so happy to have been proved wrong in my initial impression. Sometimes that's the best feeling.
I just got a call back from the author of the article. He actually feels terrible. He had no intention at all of having that article imply that he thinks that all or that the majority of Aspergian people are the way that the article describes. He is actually a very nice and humble person who really thinks very highly of the Autistic community and really wants to help. So I apologize for my initial reaction to his article and website as well. I am now genuinely convinced that he just made some poor errors in judgment that caused his choices of words and how he designed his website to give a wrong impression. I am so happy that he called and that we were able to talk. He will be calling me again and I am really looking forward to having a great relationship with him where we can discuss the challenges that we have as a community and together work towards solutions that help us all.
I am so happy to have been proved wrong in my initial impression. Sometimes that's the best feeling.
Hi. Just curious if he is going to officially acknowledge what you pointed out and maybe rewrite his article so that there will be no more misunderstandings. Even if he didn't intend to depict autistic people negatively, it could still do harm if the article remains unchanged.
I should thank you for proactively contacting the author of the article for all of us and clarifying his intention. I wouldn't be able to do the same because I'm too disabled and scared of people to contact a stranger.
Edit: added the second paragraph
I am so happy that I could do this. For some reason, dealing with total strangers like this is a strength that I have and a gift that God has given me and I am so happy that I can use that gift to help our community and to advocate. When I spoke to him, he could not actually remember the article because it was published in 2019 and he said that he writes hundreds of articles. So I am really glad that it was actually posted on this thread so that we have easy access to it. I will definitely ask him if he would be willing to write a follow up to change what he originally wrote. I told him that his original article stirred quite an outrage. He understood once I explained that to him and he seemed genuinely sorry that this had happened. I know for sure that he never intended that to happen and that he did not realize how that article had come across. I will definitely ask him to rewrite it and I think he probably will. He seems like a very caring person.
15 Jul 2022, 12:10 pm
15 Jul 2022, 12:11 pm
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