Was it better to be unaware of your own autism?

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Well, I was "better off" before knowing I had such simply because I was managing it fairly well and likely wouldn't have been diagnosed with such, even if having an obvious presentation of Asperger's. Any insight in knowing I have it, hasn't really done much. I already knew I wasn't a people person, disliked most socialization, and I'm that annoying and lecturing know-it-all (to be fair, I only do such when I know it's correct).

The reason I ended up knowing I had it was due to being unable to cope with it anymore from other things (mostly disruption of routines, being easily overwhelmed, and similar things getting to me when it came to the ASD, which led to the label).

Better off knowing. Wish I had known earlier.

The first thing you do when fighting an invisible monster is to throw paint on it.

Yeah. Psychiatrists should pay me.

In my own case, there wasn't really much difference. I prefer knowing, as it means my knowledge about myself (physical, mental, health) is now "less wrong", as a certain author might put it. I can act on more accurate information.

Well put! I'll remember that.

I was very talkative at home but extremely quiet at school. My mum had to tell some teachers to wait for me to answer when they asked me a question, instead of rushing on to someone else before I had a chance to speak.

My daughter is exactly the same. Bouncy at home and almost invisible at school.

We don't have ADHD as far as I know.

(Both parts of your question ask the same thing.)

I feel better off now than I did before my diagnosis, because I now know why relationships were difficult, why coworkers often complained about me, why I had difficulties with certain teachers and professors, and why I seemed to be the only one in the room who did not ignore obvious problems.

I also now know why loud noises, bright lights, high humidity and heat, strong smells, rough clothing, and other sensory issues bother me, and why it is difficult for me to adjust to changes.

Around the time I discovered AS, I had other major life changes, so I can't say I'm better off overall, but it is nice not expecting to be able to do some things that others find easy, or get frustrated over NT's not understanding what is easy for me. Even those changes are also due to learning that IQ and EQ are not linked, that Dunning-Kruger Syndrome is rampant, and that memories can change.

I was diagnosed about 3 months before my 9th birthday. I just don't like the way my parents were forced by the school and the doctors to get me diagnosed.

My mum had all the burden of me, and my dad didn't want much to do with the silly autism s**t - and I don't blame him, because neither did I. My dad just saw me as his daughter, not a troubled broken kid with a disability. And I don't blame him. My mum got the burden of it more so had to accept the fact that I was a troubled, broken kid with a disability that needed attention. So I understand how stressed she felt and really she wanted me to be normal; still me but minus the challenging behaviour. I mean, because I was developing so well before the age of 4, (physically, emotionally, intellectually and socially), I was basically "normal" before I started full-time school, so I suppose my mum wasn't expecting me to suddenly display such out of character behaviour the day I started school. Also she was blamed for it by the school at first, so she probably felt frustrated.

So it's like she had sort of lost the child she thought she had, a bit like regressive autism or something, even though I calmed down after a few weeks of starting school, but by then I was being watched, studied, observed closely by psychiatrists and whoever else. That was the unfairly distressing part for me as a young child, to be the class "case study".

I just wish I had a normal life as a child where I was just a regular normal kid with no challenging behaviour or needing extra support.

I think that if I had had a diagnosis my mom would’ve understood me better and would’ve been more sensitive to my specific needs.

She is more so, now that I have a diagnosis, but she also uses it to gaslight me sometimes. If I express an opinion she doesn’t like, she will blame it on my autism. Based on our specific situation, I do understand her reaction. It’s still frustrating, though.

While not almost unknown like when I was growing up knowledge was a lot less back then. The last year of the 2000s was 13 years ago, 1997 was 25 years ago. The prevalence rate for Autism in children in America is 1 in 30 now, it was 1 in 150 in 2000. I am sure there is a similar trajectory in the UK. I joined here in 2013. The things about females being able to mask more and the core traits presenting differently then males were being discussed here a lot but were being mostly ignored by researchers and the media.

1994 was the year the DSM recognized Aspergers and thus the spectrum. The DSM recognizing something does not equate to universal acceptance the next day. Professionals are busy and just do not find out about the changed definition or the disagree with it and continue to diagnose by the old standards. It can take years before a change is largely accepted.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 19 Jul 2022, 10:36 am, edited 3 times in total.

That is a good point! I am glad my mum didn't know about my diagnosis (gained age 52) She will never know I hope. She would have used it against me, god knows what she'd have done with me. Also probably used it to make herself look like a wonderful mother while mistreating me in private. I am glad she didn't know. She thought I was weird enough as it was.

That I know of, there are three people in my life who were ADHD children. All three were terrors as children.

All three are now adults. I'm not around two of them enough to know if they outgrew ADHD (my understanding is that about half of ADHD children outgrow it).

Now that I am retired I am around my bride enough to know she did not outgrow it. And

I was no terror at home. I was terrified of being thrown out before I could get a job.

Becoming aware of my autism was better in the sense of having useful information to develop coping strategies with, worse in the sense of self-image and confidence, particularly social confidence.

I wish that I was told about my autism at an earlier age. I was convinced that I was the R-word until my mum told me that I'm on the spectrum when I was 15. I wish that I was told at the age of 10. 1985 Wouldn't have been such a bad year for me if I was, because I would have acted like a normal kid instead of talking about America all the time, getting hurt by my mum's yelling along the way.