I feel too self-conscious

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I worry less about what people think than I used to. When people are laughing at or making fun of someone, it says a lot more about them than their target. I almost feel embarrassed for them.

I so wish I had the skill of the verbal come-back to any ****** who try to put me down. I just don't have that kind of verbal quick wit most of the time though.

One thing I do have in my armoury though is a kind of glare which I can sometimes pull out of the bag and can use it to make people feel justly uncomfortable and embarrassed for having attempted to put me down and mock me for being different.

A look can speak a thousand words and people can read into it as they will and it can soon put a stop to other people's BS.

Yes. Some people seem to physically shrink when the fall prey to "the look".

I think this all stems back from when I was at high school. I was mostly bullied on my walk home from school by kids that I didn't know and who didn't acknowledge me in school. Picking on kids walking to or from school was easier for them because they got away with it more. I didn't have any friends to walk home with so bullies loved targeting me.

It's why I feel more socially anxious when on my own around strangers in the street now. When I was in high school I had less self-awareness so I probably looked like a dork or something. Now at 32 years old I have developed more self-awareness skills and I know how to appear normal and not walk around with hunched shoulders looking weak or whatever.

I don't look that weird, otherwise parents wouldn't let their kids sit or run around near me. But usually parents do plonk their toddlers in the seat next to me and then they look all offended when I give them a disgruntled look.

I've even had a mother ask me if I could watch her baby in the pram while she went to the bathroom, and I didn't know her at all. I live in a city with a high crime rate so it's probably quite complimentary to be trusted by a stranger to watch your baby. Despite the fact that I don't like babies I don't know, I am still to be trusted around babies.
I definitely know that I don't look like a threat.

Yesterday when I was in the town it was so busy because it's now the school holidays and I had to stop a panic attack from coming on. I had an important appointment that I had to attend, so I couldn't avoid the crowds.
There were hoards of people coming towards me and I felt all their staring eyes fixated on me like I was a freaky glowing beacon. I just stared straight ahead and tried thinking about other things, but the stares burnt holes in my face.
I tried to calm my nerves by focusing on my breathing, but suddenly this baby from a stroller started kicking and screaming near me and it totally distracted me from my calming technique and made me feel panicky inside. I hated the baby but part of me felt envious of it too because babies are allowed to express themselves however they like, whenever they like, wherever they like, but I have to be calm, cool and normal, even though I wanted to scream.
I felt my chest tightening and I was glad when I arrived at the appointment. I forgot all about my panic when I was talking to the receptionist.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels social anxiety in crowds, but expressing it the "appropriate" way (as in just having a slight bewildered look on my face) should get less stares than expressing it the autistic way (like hand-flapping or melting down).

Anyway, it often says here that NTs like people to show expression and emotion. But in my experience, people seem happier when you're just a clone of everyone else with a blank look and expressing no tenseness or fear or shyness in your body language.

I wonder why it is that when you're in town walking one way it always seems like the rest of the world are walking towards you.

I hand-flap.
I haven't noticed anyone having any negative reaction to it.
And if they did I don't think I'd care because if I'm handflapping I'm usually very happy or excited.
The only comment I've had is that I'm 'cute'.
Maybe it depends on your level of cuteness, what's accepted.

That little dance you have to do when someone's walking towards you and you're both trying to get out of each others way makes me laugh.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... %20shuffle

Yes it's difficult to know when someone is having loud conversations with themselves or if they're talking in an ear phone thing. Usually when I'm talking on my phone other people swing round and stare at me like it's the 1960s and they've never seen a person talking on a mobile phone before.

I usually get extreme reactions whenever I do something normal.

Yeah I know what you mean. I alternate between an android phone and an old Nokia 7230 slide phone. I love my little phone but it can generate quite a lot of interest from people when I'm sat in the pub texting away on it.

You'd probably benefit from doing amateur dramatics or something like that where you are actually on show. It could desensitise you.