What I Like About Autistic People Is...

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As someone with suspected HFA, one of the things that is leading me to get reevaluated for autism is how much I prefer the company of autistic people.

When I talk to people, it's because I either want to learn or because I want to share what I've learned. It seems like many NTs don't share that sentiment and instead are more focused on socializing because it's almost some kind of compulsion. Conversing with NTs often feels like eating potato chips while conversing with autistic people feels like having a meal: less accessible than potato chips but far more substantial.

When I talk to NTs, it seems to be about the weather or some pointless political outrage or a TV show I don't watch that everyone else seems to be watching. When I talk to autistic people, I learn about video editing or the history of Adidas or the advantages and disadvantages of different init systems on Linux operating systems or differences in synthesizer filter designs.

This is why I hate the term "social deficits" in the DSM. I don't think most of the people with autism that I speak to are "deficient", they just don't play the game that society has prescribed onto all of us.

That is all so true. I want to learn or share information, I love doing that but NTs take offence and seem to think I'm pointing out their faults or something

Yes indeed 'social deficits' is not a good description.

Also when they say 'autistic people don't show emotions.' We just show emotions differently, many of us have very strong emotions and show them clearly. Just not in the way NTs expect.

I believe this very thing has gotten me into a significant amount of social trouble over the years. I think a lot of my excitement to share information has come off as pretentious, intimidating, and self-congratulatory, which has rarely ever been the purpose behind my words. Currently learning how to talk about my interests in conversations without seeming like a know-it-all.

Agreed. Some of my verbal struggles are difficulties "translating" for NTs. However, even in my ASD groups I have difficulties. Probably the executive function aspect of communication. Do I really have to be brief?


Agreed. For some the movement in excitement or stress, for others the tight jaw and hard eye contact (or lack thereof). I saw Michael J Fox talking about his documentary "Still" (re: Parkinson's) - it reminded me of the predicament some of us face. I have big feelings but I am not supposed to; I can make them "still" but it takes all my energy and then I'm showing nothing (which is criticized also, but less so) and unable to do anything else.

Before I began seriously reading up on autism, I thought of myself as preferring the company of "intellectually-oriented" people. By "intellectually-oriented," I didn't necessarily mean "super smart." I meant a person who enjoys thinking, learning, and in-depth conversations on topics of mutual interest.

When I finally began reading up on autism, I realised that autistic people (at least those of us who are capable of verbal communication in the first place) are much more likely than NT's to be what I call "intellectually-oriented." As you put it:


Agreed (except that I'm a member of a meteorology club where we do talk about the weather -- in great technical detail).


The "deficit" is that we aren't (easily, at least) able to play those games. But it seems to me that the kinds of conversations many of us are capable of having are of much greater value -- or at least educational value.

I was thinking today that autistic people are just a lot more INTERESTING than NTs.

Usually when I meet NTs (women anyway) all they talk about is: diets (a lot!), celebrities, shopping. Or mysterious communications done by whispering, facial expressions, tones of voice etc. 'You know what I mean,' 'uh huh', 'it's like that is it', 'that time we did that' etc.

I have no interest in diets, celebrities, shopping. And I don't understand all the mysterious communications.

NTs are all the same, like carbon copies of each other.

Whereas autistic people talk about information, knowledge, interesting things like that. Or have a unique take on something boring, like politics. Because we are all different!

I agree. I have that problem too with many NT women, that they intentionally seem to insist on having only very superficial conversations, almost like it would be impolite or breaking the social contract to talk about something substantive. The few friends that I have are men. I think I'd probably like to be friends with a woman on the spectrum but I don't know any in real life.

And there's also this thing you hear people complaining about that they don't want to get roped into a "boring" conversation, by which they mean anything that isn't light and superficial, and that goes on for too long or is too much in depth. Whereas to me those are the conversations that are not boring! I also find that I am very tolerant of actual long-winded and boring conversations. It doesn't put me out to listen to someone talk about something even if it's not of particular interest to me, whereas many people (NTs) feel put out by being cornered by a boring person they feel they can't get away from.

I know what you mean. NT women just go on and on and on about diets, in my experience. And because I'm very thin, I'm always the target of it. 'How do you keep so thin?' 'You're so skinny!' 'What do you eat?' 'How come you're always eating but you're so thin?' It is sooooo boring. Even when I tell them I've had lots of health problems, they aren't interested, they even say 'I wish I had your health problems, then I'd be as thin as you.' Which is downright stupid. I've started saying 'I no longer answer questions about my weight, figure or diet.' Because it's so boring and depressing! Isn't there more to life then physical appearance?

I do get on better with men as they are more straightforward and tend to say what they mean.

Yes I'd rather have a deep and meaningful conversation: that is more interesting than superficial topics. Sometimes I say to people 'let's stop talking about (whatever) and talk about something more interesting' and I just get blank stares. I suppose to them, talking about superficial topics is more interesting?

This sounds awful but I often suspect that NTs just aren't as intelligent as autistic people, and we need to dumb ourselves down to get to their level!

I like that they're unashamedly interested in things, even if it's a narrow interest. I like people who show how much they love something, particularly quite small ordinary things.

There was a guy at the last place I worked who I talked to every day. We never discussed neuro diversity but he was clearly, to me, not NT. He loved to talk about traffic and the routes we'd take to drive home when the traffic was bad. People found it annoying but he didn't care it was what he loved talking about and I was so much more comfortable talking to him than anyone else there. He had really bad asthma and one day he had an attack and died. He was maybe 18 or 19.

So many kids that age are fake cynical and everything is lame to them but he unashamedly loved traffic.

Last edited by DuckHairback on 26 Jun 2023, 4:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

All people at my work talk about is routes and roads. It's so boring.

I like gossip the most, about different people at work.

Another thing I like about Autistic people is that I can tell them about my trials, traumas, and tribulations, and they will understand what I am talking about.  Sometimes, they will even offer helpful advice.  That is the main reason I keep coming back to WrongPlanet -- most of the people here know what being autistic is all about.

How awful! Poor kid!

But yes it is nice to meet a genuine person who is awed by small, ordinary things, the same as I am!

They've done studies that show gossip is the main thing that holds human groups together. We are supposed not to gossip but in fact it can be a good thing that bonds us.

Yes, trials that only autistic pepole understand. It's pointless telling them to NTs, they just say 'do X, Y and Z and your problem is solved!' Or 'why's that a problem? It's not for me.'

I also like it when some ND people respond to things I say in a way that's so inappropriate that it blows straight past being offensive and ends up sublimely funny.

I like that they allow others to post a message starting with the word "I" without people jumping on you and calling you a self-absorbed twat.