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Autism and lost potential

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Weight Of Memory
Deinonychus
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16 Nov 2023, 7:40 am

vividgroovy wrote:
I went to the guidance councilors several times, trying to find out of I needed math classes to transfer to a four year school. Somehow, I never got an answer. The only thing the councilors ever seemed to do was take a printed list of classes and circle which ones I needed to get my Associate's Degree. Once, I asked one of them to recommend a college that was good for English majors. She got very annoyed and said that I had to research that myself.


My experience with college guidance counselors was not much better. They only seemed to provide very, very basic guidance.

However, I suspect with regard to recommending specific universities, they are probably prohibited from doing so. With something like an English degree there are a lot of liberal arts colleges and I doubt many of them stand out from the others for that program at the bachelors level.



vividgroovy
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16 Nov 2023, 6:56 pm

Weight Of Memory wrote:
vividgroovy wrote:
I went to the guidance councilors several times, trying to find out of I needed math classes to transfer to a four year school. Somehow, I never got an answer. The only thing the councilors ever seemed to do was take a printed list of classes and circle which ones I needed to get my Associate's Degree. Once, I asked one of them to recommend a college that was good for English majors. She got very annoyed and said that I had to research that myself.


My experience with college guidance counselors was not much better. They only seemed to provide very, very basic guidance.

However, I suspect with regard to recommending specific universities, they are probably prohibited from doing so. With something like an English degree there are a lot of liberal arts colleges and I doubt many of them stand out from the others for that program at the bachelors level.


That could be it. My college choir professor said she wasn't allowed to give us directions to a performance venue because if we followed her directions and something happened to us, we could sue the college.

What I remember was the guidance councillor's tone, which struck me as less, "Sorry, I'm not allowed to answer that" and more "How dare you ask such a question!"



SharonB
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16 Nov 2023, 8:43 pm

Back to the "what would I do differently" question which I missed...

I would have loved to have the insight and communication tools (rules) I have now, there's a book "What to say next" or something like that, that I experienced (learned through trial and error) rather than proactively reading b/c it wasn't around when I was 20. When I was young I had learned to be ashamed and there were so many unresolved misunderstandings. Most recently I can be thankful more so than sorry. My therapist (specializes in ASD) gives me tons of practical things to say and do. I am much better at setting others' expectations and making repairs. Growing up I didn't see anyone else doing that, so it didn't occur to me that I could and that life would be so much better. I own the awkwardness with more confidence now. I didn't think of myself as bullied b/c I internalized it. Now after decades of "fertilization" (if you get my drift), I'm blossoming! I wish I had the practical tips earlier and so I have passed these down to my ASD daughter (and ADHD son) so they have some awareness and tools earlier than later.



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16 Nov 2023, 9:06 pm

Everyone around me believes in my own potential.

I don't.
I never did.

Not because of autism.
But because I'm a pessimist. And screw their expectation -- I have my own goals and aspirations of what I want to be.

Any thoughts I have indulging over what my potential could be are mostly based and driven by my ego...
Thankfully, a part of me very distinct from my own conscious will.


Some even commented that I'd be a great person if it weren't for my emotional dysregulation issues...
This is true -- this is what I believe my whole life so far.


But not the way others thought it looked like; they expect some more socially acceptable version of me who would help my family or some supposed honorable status crap.
Their version of what maturity would've looked like in me.

I expect a more controlled version of me who has a real choice to be self sustaining and can afford to be free and independent from having to rely on the kindness of others.
A version of me that has more choices and informed consequences to take responsibility over than reactive, unintentional and impulsive accidents to take responsibility over.


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JamesW
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19 Nov 2023, 8:25 am

I couldn't care less whether certain named celebrities are autistic or not. There is never any excuse for behaviour which hurts and damages anyone, let alone society as a whole.



ToughDiamond
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19 Nov 2023, 12:17 pm

JamesW wrote:
I couldn't care less whether certain named celebrities are autistic or not. There is never any excuse for behaviour which hurts and damages anyone, let alone society as a whole.

Agreed. Certainly I look down on Musk, and had forgotten he was supposed to be autistic when I posted my comment about neither being nor wanting to be Musk or a tramp. I get very little out of "inspirational" stuff about celebrity role models - I don't see how watching what little we get shown about this or that famous person can lead to knowing how to get similar status for ourselves, unless the whole truth has been shown about how they did it. I don't even agree with trying to climb to a higher-than-most-folks status, though I can well relate to those of low status who want to lift themselves up to the average level. End of rant.



Mikurotoro92
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19 Nov 2023, 1:28 pm

I believe most celebrities are just in the right place at the right time

It's really no different than the process of finding love

In both cases you have to be discovered by a man/woman or a talent scout

In other words, in order to get famous you must ATTRACT a talent scout!