"Just be yourself!" Yeah, right!

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That phrase is overrated, I agree. What if being yourself involves killing people? What if you hate yourself for what you are? What if being yourself all the time means that you get bullied and abused by others?

It's Libertarian propaganda.

erm.. there ARE headgames. it's not just aspies that say this, NTs know it too. but we're poorly equipped to play them and mostly not interested in the 1st place. yes, many of us aspies have issues and so on, but it's not as if NTs were paragons of maturity and good sense.

How I love that phrase...particularly when it comes from shrinks and counsellors (as it often does ). Can't we just cut out all that unnecessary "being myself" red tape and fast forward to the part where they put the cuffs on and read me my rights?

The NT have all sorts of instincts at their fingertips, like a "safety net", so that they can afford to relax around others, though whether what they do in that relaxed state is to really "just be themselves" is debatable. I suspect there is a lot more "flying on autopilot" than "being self" going on.

I don't think they understand HOW we are different.

For instance, someone recently assured me that I would "get used to" working around the same people after a while. I don't know if he even took it in when I tried to explain that, in fact, it would get worse with time, as the relationships became more complex than I could understand, analyse or keep up with intellectually, because, in essence that is ALL I do, around people. It is utterly exhausting and there is absolutely no workable alternative for day to day living. As a result my contact with people has to be very limited, whatever I want.

M

Something similar to the principle of "being yourself" is the advice of "like yourself and others will too." It's claimed people will treat you badly if you perceive yourself as someone who deserves to be treated that way. If that's so, then how come people will still treat you badly if your self-perception is wholesome? Simple people like simple answers.

Two reasons.
#1:
Let A = perceiving yourself as deserving poor treatment and B = poor treatment.

[A causes B] does not equal [(not A) causes (not B)]


#2:
No one can look inside your heart and mind and know what you think of yourself; they can only suppose based on your outward behavior. So when people say "if you perceive yourself as X," they actually mean "if you look and act like you perceive yourself as X."

So in general, if you act like someone who doesn't deserve to be treated like ****, you probably won't be treated like **** as much as you will be if you act like you deserve it. But since people with AS have more trouble making their outward appearance and actions match their inner perceptions, of course they are less successful at making themselves look and act like they perceive themselves as deserving good treatment. And some typical AS symptoms (such as avoiding eye contact) are generally behaviors that are outward indicators of "I see myself as a person who deserves poor treatment" so even if you *perceive* yourself as deserving good treatment, you may be *projecting* the image that you perceive yourself as deserving poor treatment.

but how often have you heard others being told to be themselves? Is it just a line the media likes to use?

There is another saying (I will probably quote it wrong, but goes something like) we are all 3 people. The person we are, the person we want to be, and the person everyone else sees.

Don't change (at least not too much). I like you how you are.

has anyone ever been told to be yourself as in be yourself in a whole new way?

sometimes I think it means that they want u to act like what they want u to act like instead of being what u really are.

Yeah so much advice givent o you especially when you are a kid is horrid in the adult world.

"Be yourself"

So you be yourself and part of being yourself is just doing your job and not playing the social game. Some cases it works but in most cases...not really. It's no wonder why in school, there was a social skills class. That was really annoying and I failed.

"Honesty is the best policy"

Oh really? Then why is it that the ones who lie constantly get rewarded for it?

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"

Then why did you crack a smile?

I just love myself... if this is perceived as arrogance then imo it's not too bad because liking yourself is very important. I may love myself, but that's not to say that I love myself more than others.
I may think I'm awesome, but I don't think I'm any more awesome than those I like.

I grew up being told to be whatever others wanted me to be. Which is exactly why I know how crucial it is to stay true to myself.