Did you know that Aspies don't get married?

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Belle77
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24 Sep 2007, 10:21 pm

serenity wrote:
Just because someone can have one relationship doesn't make it "at peer level". I am married, but I can't seem to make any other relationship work. Most adults have a wide social network. Beyond internet friends I can't seem to sustain a friendship. I think I just lucked out with my husband. Maybe, you ought to lend that lady Dr. Attwood's book, she might learn something! :lol:


I also think that I lucked out with my husband. I would love to lend her my book, but I doubt she'd read it...and I haven't finished it yet! I am going to share some of the most important parts of it with her next week. If she's at all interested in becoming a good doctor she should do some research on her own about AS.



fathom73
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24 Sep 2007, 10:42 pm

I have just begun the uphill battle myself. The psychiatrist I saw last week refused to explore the possibility of AS, because he said autism is not treatable. WHAT A JERK!

If it were not treatable, then my son would still not speak or use the potty by himself. He would probably still be comatose all of the time. If no one had the ability to help him learn to communicate, then he probably wouldn't be answering "W" questions or adding numbers.

I am so angry that I'm getting discouraged from even trying to see another doctor.



ChatBrat
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24 Sep 2007, 10:49 pm

Belle77 wrote:
She seemed intrigued by that at first, then dismissed it when she read the DSM criteria for AS. It was as if it was her first encounter with "Asperger's disorder", as she called it.


If you read the DSM criteria for Asperger's, you'd have to be SEVERELY affected in order to qualify for a diagnosis. Question is, what do "they" consider "serious"? When I compare myself to alot of other Aspie's on WP, then it seems not only possible, but very likely that I do have AS. That has been my experience anyway.

I think the DSM-IV needs to totally revamp the criteria for Asperger's and have different diagnostic criteria judging by whether you're male/female, child/adult.

That woman's reaction to you is one of the things I'm afraid of encountering if and when I ever go to a professional for diagnosis. I hope you can get her to listen to you. Please keep us informed ... I want to follow this thread here.

How old are you btw? I am 48, female, married, have 3 kids and 2 grandkids. And it's true, the older I get the more coping skills I've learned. But the problems never go away and it always remains a struggle.



ChatBrat
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24 Sep 2007, 11:05 pm

fathom73 wrote:
The psychiatrist I saw last week refused to explore the possibility of AS, because he said autism is not treatable. WHAT A JERK!


That would be akin to a doctor telling someone coughing up blood "I'm sorry, but I cannot explore the possibility of cancer with you, because cancer is not treatable."



ToadOfSteel
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24 Sep 2007, 11:13 pm

It doesn't have to be serious, but its easier for a child to be dx'd because theres some weird thing that aspies that turn 18 are sucked into this vortex and removed from the spacetime continuum, because god forbid an aspie adult should exist. Regardless, I am not that serious of a case, but I was easily dx'd at the age of 5 (although my mom had to hunt for a physician who knew what aspergers was at that time)...



Belle77
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24 Sep 2007, 11:26 pm

fathom73 wrote:
I have just begun the uphill battle myself. The psychiatrist I saw last week refused to explore the possibility of AS, because he said autism is not treatable. WHAT A JERK!

If it were not treatable, then my son would still not speak or use the potty by himself. He would probably still be comatose all of the time. If no one had the ability to help him learn to communicate, then he probably wouldn't be answering "W" questions or adding numbers.

I am so angry that I'm getting discouraged from even trying to see another doctor.


That's absolutely ridiculous! Yeah there's no drug that you can take to treat autism, but you can learn coping mechanisms to make it easier to deal with life. That guy's a jackhole.



Belle77
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24 Sep 2007, 11:37 pm

ChatBrat wrote:
If you read the DSM criteria for Asperger's, you'd have to be SEVERELY affected in order to qualify for a diagnosis. Question is, what do "they" consider "serious"? When I compare myself to alot of other Aspie's on WP, then it seems not only possible, but very likely that I do have AS. That has been my experience anyway.

I think the DSM-IV needs to totally revamp the criteria for Asperger's and have different diagnostic criteria judging by whether you're male/female, child/adult.

That woman's reaction to you is one of the things I'm afraid of encountering if and when I ever go to a professional for diagnosis. I hope you can get her to listen to you. Please keep us informed ... I want to follow this thread here.

How old are you btw? I am 48, female, married, have 3 kids and 2 grandkids. And it's true, the older I get the more coping skills I've learned. But the problems never go away and it always remains a struggle.


I'll definitely update in this thread after I see her again next week. I'm glad that I have time to get some good notes prepared.

I'm 30, married for 2 years (together for 5), no kids (and not interested in having any). Tony Attwood thinks the DSM-IV criteria is crap, and he explains why very well in his book. I totally agree with you, having different criteria for male/female and child/adult is an excellent idea. And I love the part of your post that I've bolded...very well stated. :D



Belle77
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24 Sep 2007, 11:45 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
It doesn't have to be serious, but its easier for a child to be dx'd because theres some weird thing that aspies that turn 18 are sucked into this vortex and removed from the spacetime continuum, because god forbid an aspie adult should exist. Regardless, I am not that serious of a case, but I was easily dx'd at the age of 5 (although my mom had to hunt for a physician who knew what aspergers was at that time)...


I love this quote from the book Solutions for Adults with Asperger Syndrome:

For so long, the idea that Asperger Syndrome [AS] occurs in adults has been so taboo that by reading the textbooks on AS, one would be left with the impression that AS is miraculously cured or is uniformly fatal at age 18.



sinsboldly
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25 Sep 2007, 12:10 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
It doesn't have to be serious, but its easier for a child to be dx'd because theres some weird thing that aspies that turn 18 are sucked into this vortex and removed from the spacetime continuum, because god forbid an aspie adult should exist. Regardless, I am not that serious of a case, but I was easily dx'd at the age of 5 (although my mom had to hunt for a physician who knew what aspergers was at that time)...


yeah, I am an adult aspie that has 'not existed' for nearly 6 decades. my parents never knew it was not subborness and obstanacy upon my part.



25 Sep 2007, 12:48 am

The DSM-IV is made up by a bunch of doctors. I was told lot of psychaitrists don't even follow the criteria for AS when they diagnose patients. Perhaps because they don't agree with it. I wonder if my shrink used it to diagnose me with it when she was talking to my mother on the phone.



ChatBrat
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25 Sep 2007, 1:14 am

Belle, which one of Tony Attwood's books would you recommend? I'd like to find a book on AS that deals with adult females with AS. Or at least on females in general.



Belle77
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25 Sep 2007, 1:35 am

I haven't been able to find much in my search for books specifically about AS in females.

I bought, but haven't yet read, Women From Another Planet?. I've heard that it's good and it's next on my agenda.

I'm currently reading Tony Attwood's latest book, The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, but I haven't read any of his other books. He has some sections specifically about females and I'm finding that I'm highlighting a lot of things in the book that I relate with.



ChatBrat
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25 Sep 2007, 3:33 am

I'll have to get that book of Attwood's. Let me know what you think of that other one when you're done with it. Well, if you remember my used id LOL I recognize a lot of names here but I'm so new to the group and it's so large, that I can't remember who said what half the time. hehe

Thanks for the heads up on the books, I appreciate it : )



serenity
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25 Sep 2007, 8:09 am

There is a book called Asperger's and Girls by Attwood. It's a compilation of other authors, and experts on AS. I found mine at Amazon.com.



ToadOfSteel
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25 Sep 2007, 8:17 am

Another thing about that original article that is crap...

My mom, who was historically dx'd with AS after I was dx'd as a kid has been married for 22 years, and that marriage doesn't show any signs of giving up any time soon. My grandfather on my mom's side, while not dx'd or anything, definitly had traits, and he was married to my grandmother for a good 70 years of his life (until he died at the age of 89)...

So let no one say that marriages with AS involved don't last..



Triangular_Trees
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25 Sep 2007, 9:00 am

Well I'm not married, but I'm an aspie and so as my bf. And we've talked about marriage in our future. We even have a few things "planned" out, like he'll do all the cooking. Going by how we are together now, I'm quite certain that we can have a happy marriage when we're at the right time in our life for it.