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Why do some people dislike eye-contact?

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likedcalico

05 Oct 2007, 3:55 am

Why look in their eyes? I don't see the point. I look at their faces though or their bodies. I only look at them when I feel comfortable. If I feel uncomfortable or nervous or shy, I avoid eye contact.



Silver_Meteor
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05 Oct 2007, 7:52 am

If you have some kind of a conflict or problem with someone and you are trying to resolve it, in many cases a direct eyeball stare comes across as attempted dominence or hostility. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. Does anybody else feel this way?



AnnabelLee
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05 Oct 2007, 7:57 am

Sora wrote:
Truthfully?

Most eyes are ugly.

You don't usually look at a mutilated dead animal, because it's a gross sight. I feel the same about eyes and there are only few eyes that I like and can look into. When I look into ugly eyes, even if that eyes' owner is trying to be a nice person, I feel so disgusted that I can't think nor talk straight anymore. The feel is overwhelming and all-consuming, the final result being that my thought process will stop.

It is always a conscious effort to look into people's eyes, because I can't remember naturally. I never knew eye contact was true for many and seen as very important until I started researching autism a year and half ago.

(And yes, I'm usually as tactful as to not say that I find someone's eyes ugly, gee.)


I heard that some autistic kids said that they don't look into people's eyes because to them it appears as if the other person is then able to read all their thoughts and feelings.

OMG I had never thought of that but on considering it...it's true for me too! I'm almost afraid to see what may be in their eyes. They say too much about what is really inside the person...they say the eyes are the window to the soul...maybe we are just better equipped to read what's there and it scares us!


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shopaholic
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05 Oct 2007, 10:21 am

Silver_Meteor wrote:
If you have some kind of a conflict or problem with someone and you are trying to resolve it, in many cases a direct eyeball stare comes across as attempted dominence or hostility. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. Does anybody else feel this way?


Um - that's one of the times I do look in their eyes! (Not to be dominant or hostile, but to show that I am not intimidated by them.)

Also if I am passing strangers on the street, I tend to make eye contact with them because I would not want them to think I am submissive.

But if I am having a 1:1 conversation with someone, I will not. It is too intimate.

So for me the rule is, the more impersonal the situation, the easier it is to make eye contact.



DoctorJest
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05 Oct 2007, 10:30 am

Danielismyname wrote:
It hurts. I only look at those I'm extremely comfortable with, and then it's fleeting; people have thought before that I make eye contact with them, no. I've learnt the art of looking past people (due to a...misguided Kung-Fu teacher), which looks like I'm looking at them but I'm really not


I look, with my eyes unfocused, just to the right of their head (my right) at the general level of their eyes. This works as long as I concentrate on it. If I lose my concentration, then my eyes focus on something behind them (anything, a tree, a shopping cart, a sign, a pencil) and they turn to see what I am looking at or my eyes not only stay unfocused, but start to drift. When the latter happens, I try to pass it off as looking wistful or like I am trying to remember something until I can re-establish my fake eye contact. All too often tho, when I do lose it, it makes me more nervous and uncomfortable and thus harder to do, so it ends up in a death-spiral of social ineptitude.



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05 Oct 2007, 2:44 pm

I think I'm pretty decent at eye contact now. Long before I had ever heard of AS, I tried to force myself to learn to do it, as I got comments about it. I used to look down while I was walking around in Jr. High and I think looked away from people when I was talking to them.

Forced myself to sort of fake it. As I've talked about with others on here before, the tricky part became kind of knowing how much to look at the person, when to look away, how much is too much (ie staring), etc. I *think* I've gotten pretty good at it and would seem normal now...I think. I don't even think about it a whole lot now and do it fairly automatically, though I don't REALLY look at people most of the time.

I just now thought of something-I have a hard time remembering people's faces (not as bad as their names though). Wonder if it's because I don't actually LOOK at them as much as I should? :lol:

KindofBlue wrote:
Huge problem for me. Even when I am wearing sunglasses. I especially feel anxious when I am passing by a pretty woman.


Yeah, I have this problem too. It's way more intense with a beautiful girl, I think because I'm nervous being around them (and I'm considered good looking, but as I always tell people who say that, "yeah, lot of good that's done me").

I think it's a mixture of not wanting to make a fool of myself, not wanting to ever let myself get fooled into thinking a woman has the slightest interest in me, and just how beautiful girls are.