SCARY ASPIE GIRLZ

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1) Men do the same thing, only for mainly different gains.
2) Not all women use men, or act in such predatory ways (neither do men, but it's women who are largely being attacked here and as one I have to disagree with a lot of what's been said).


I read 'should' more as an opinion than as 'the ideal set up by nature', which was what I was arguing with. So that was my mistake.

There are people who do fit the stereotypes, but how much of it is based on trying to live up to expectations, and how much of it is natural? That's part of my 'argument'. Also, as I've already mentioned, generalising women as predators is as unfair as if the girls on this site were to start a thread that basically accused all men of being predatory. It seems that both sexes are just as 'guilty' of many behaviours as each other, but it's still seen as more acceptable for men.

I am quite old fashioned in some respects, to be honest, and I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist by any stretch of the imagination (I prefer guys to girls - I was brought up with boys and I prefer to mix with males if I'm going to mix with anyone) but I do find it quite disgusting having my gender automatically stereotype me. I do not and will not live up to that stereotype and I can't help but find sexist comments disgusting and ignorant.


See, men do cry.

Men can be just as sensitive as the stereotypical woman, same as women can be less emotional (which is expected of men). It's stupid to say that one gender is one way and the other is another way. For every person the statements hold true about there is likely someone it doesn't. I'm not calling you stupid, by the way, I'm just referring to the opinion in general.


I was referring to how women aspies are described specifically. in 'Asperger's and Girls' the idea seems to be that due to the naive nature of girls with AS they may be sexually exploited. I think I am probably cynical by default, but not for this express reason (I'm 'anti-tactile' for the most part, and prefer to do what I want than what someone else wants me to do, so I do not fear being sexually exploited at all). I should think that if anyone finds me 'hard work' or aggressive and scary it would be NT males who do not understand my thinking process/ sensory issues/ difficulty expressing emotion. I'm not even particularly aggressive, just for the record, but my manner comes across in that way, even when I do not feel at all angry. In fact, a big problem my ex had with me was that I wasn't emotional enough - he would get upset by things that wouldn't upset me at all.

On the subject of 'Asperger's and Girls' - to be honest I found the book quite annoying - one of the chapters assumes that aspie girls want to learn to be like (stereotypical) NT girls, which I most certainly don't! I can't see the point in it. I find general Asperger's descriptions and explanations fit me far better than descriptions and explanations specifically for females. It's also a shame that many people may think all girls are like that... but then by the sounds of it everyone already buys into stereotypes anyway, so I'm probably fighting a losing battle.


Again, an unfair generalisation. There are many men who react in emotional outbursts, more commonly referred to as meltdowns. Actually, I would probably say I'm not very emotional at all, although it does seem from past discussions that people think I react with anger when I'm actually very calm. Aspie men I know are just as emotional if not moreso, often enough (judging by what I've read and the few aspies I 'know'). I will admit that I do find a lot of females on this site to be far more aware and emotional than myself (but so are some of the guys - and that's without extensive knowledge of the members here), but I do dislike my gender being used to define me (and I wouldn't have thought I'm the only one) because my gender most certainly does not define me in any way other than that I share physical attributes with my fellow xx-ers. Although I don't relate well to people in general, I do relate better to men than I do women.

In some respects it would make sense for male aspies to be more accepted of having outbursts, as stereotypically female aspies are described as being far more passive... and male aspies as being disruptive, aggressive, and basically more emotionally 'outgoing'. I think that's ironic!


I do feel lucky, but I do also find it slightly frustrating that my 'problems' are somewhat downplayed. Late diagnosis for me must mean that I compensated, and that I am better socially than all male aspies - which isn't true at all. Far from it, in fact. The real reason for my late diagnosis was the stigma of being a gifted child, the fact that being completely passive and 'in my own world' was seen as acceptable (whereas if I had misbehaved I suppose there would have been more motivation to 'sort out' my problems) and made denial much easier, and the mental health services in my area are appalling. Yet it's far easier to put it down to me being a girl. Which of course means I actually had it pretty easy. That was sarcasm, by the way.


The best, eh?

I'm not good with meetups anyway, so I would assume I'd very likely have backed out of any plans, but I suppose I may have regret it. It's not often I get to meet aspies face to face so it would have been interesting. I also would not have been able to make it to anywhere outside of London, which might have caused problems for you, Sophist, and/or Noc.

Oh, and I also have not at any point during this discussion been annoyed.

Dude I just couldn't help but be amused by that.

I was wondering if you would catch the I almost commented on that. HEY, I didn't say we didn't sometimes FEEL like crying. I'm using the emoticons to try to express feeling.



Both of us have said all along that neither sex is 100% one way. BELIEVE me! If I thought I had women figured out, I would be married, have a couple kids, and probably STILL wouldn't know what AS is.



I don't view people in the punk scene to be passive anyway.



Yeah. I could have acted more NT by virtue of interest in sports, etc... But that isn't me. Some tried to push that on me, thinking that was my "problem". It ISN'T! I just don't see the point.



Well, they have a line delimiting a "norm". Admitedly, more men and women are crossing it. Still, until that provides discomfort with someones beliefs, you may be seen as normal enough.




And HOW is being labeled gifted a stigma? GRANTED, some peers may hate you for "hurting the curve", because they think you are haughty, or because they don't understand you, but an actual STIGMA? Heck, Be HAPPY! Maybe even a little proud. Just don't show that pride.

And YEAH, I meant the best. Frankly, I would almost prefer meeting a british person that was smart, decent, a punker, with a cockney accent. That would push my envelope quite a bit, but the intelligence and understanding would temper it. Of course, I often save the option I wanted to express for the idea as the last option anyway. That is just so typical.

I have a friend that was a punker, but the military changed him a lot I guess. Of course, HE seems normal in a lot of ways, and was married 3 times so far, so he wouldn't understand about AS or social difficulties. BTW he is about 10 years younger than I am! IMAGINE! In his 30s, and he was married THREE TIMES! YIKES! I don't know whether to envy him, or pity him. The last marriage was the first to an american citizen, and he makes more money, so a divorce now could really STING!

Yes but watch out for them old men.
In my experience they are the worse as*holes in the world.

How about people who defy nature? Us? People who 'win and lose'?
Edit: well ok maybe that's a bit of an odd oppinion I make... perhaps it's arrogance shining through... by Christ I have a very modest side, but I truly have an arrogant side as well. Like thinking that I defy nature.
Nature has made me uptight and cautious... but my 'clever' analytical mind goes nuts with all the competition thing in the world...

Stop me please.

Last edited by samtoo on 14 Oct 2007, 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Then the ideal girl would be one who simply does not want to be involved in family stuff - children and the like.

That's been my experience too, even though I hate to generalize.

oy with the gender stereotypes! there is just as much variation in the personalities of men as there is in the personalities of women - the concept of a spectrum doesn't just apply to autisitc traits. why do people continue to think that our personalities are dictated by our genetalia.

Wow. That definitely does not apply to me. But maybe I'm a loser as far as nature is concerned.

I've been through 5 long-term relationships. In every one, the guy's income was equal or less than mine. Same with level of education. In fact, every boyfriend has had a lower level of formal education than the last one, while I have been moving up in the formal education system.

I don't have any interest in marriage or reproduction. I just want to have as much fun as possible, and share that with another person.

I know that other girls have a pecking order and I don't like it and I don't participate in it. I know that there are other girls who feel the same way.

Clearly, you're refering to the biological drive to pass on one's genes--to produce viable offspring that will live long enough to produce more viable offspring. Yes, having a wealthy spouse who allows you to stay home and raise the children may be in the childen's best interest, at least when they are young.

However, people with less money and less formal education have more children, on average. And those children go on to have large families as well (also a generalization). The cultures that support large families value family size and religion over material wealth and formal education.

So I suspect that in human society, resources only equate with "fitness" on a basic needs level. As long as one can manage to feed and clothe their children, reproductive fitness has more to do with the cultural and personal factors that determine family size. The people with the most money may have the most power in a contemporary sense, but they are not the group with the greatest influence on the biological future of our species.

So if women really are uniformly driven to have as many children as possible, they shoud be trying to marry into religions and cultures that support large families instead of trying to marry into wealth. However, up until about 100 years ago, everyone tried to have a large family and wealth did have something to do with the number of offspring that survived to adulthood, so I think it is a biologically-related cultural idea that has persisted in spite of changing realities.

But not everyone, male or female, buys into these social ideals.

Um. . . no.

Yes, some people are dishonest. People- people of both genders. As long as one is honest and reasonably open, I don't see that planning is amoral on anyone's part.

And while there may be a perception that "girls grow up with girls, mostly are protected from boys," it's obviously held by people far removed from the reality of childhood. Where I grew up, girls would just be cruel; boys would beat me up.



I can't defend myself and my gender when attacked with the actions of an individual.



When the people you fight are generally bigger than you and generally the agressors, you learn a different set of rules.

Furthermore- if fighting between girls for recreation and "show of power" were socially sanctioned in the way it is for guys, perhaps those fights would be cleaner, and more a matter of pride than rage.



We learn early what we are taught early.

I will not apologize for the things I should not have been taught. . . or for the ignorance you chose to accept into adulthood.



If this is your reaction to all you have seen so far of women, it is not so astonishing that none have chosen to show you what else is there.

Much more is there.

And for some of us, this bit you describe isn't present at all.

It seems very distasteful to me. . . as does one who would see only sociopathy in half the population.



This may be your whole problem.

I am not a f*****g doll.



Or perhaps this is it. . .

It is impossible to respect the choices of a people if you don't believe they make their choices.

This world is a beast... I guess girls are scared of guys just as guys are scared of girls.

Not so scared I can't do stuff though, but who's to say the stuff I do is gonna go down in my favor?

That statement makes no sense to me? I read it to mean... that unless I act in a way that's uncomfortable to others, based on my gender, other people will define me as 'normal'? A 'normal' girl, or a 'normal' human?

Actually, I don't think I've ever been thought of as 'normal'. In either sense.

Again, though, it comes down to how undefinable gender is. Even people who live up to stereotypes are unacceptable to some and acceptable to others.


I don't think you understand...

Stigma - being 'gifted' is like the opposite of having something 'wrong' with you. Being a gifted child meant that I was seen as a child without problems (this is based on my own experiences as a well behaved but detached child). Things like attention span, social relationships, sensory issues, that kind of thing - any problems I had with those were often noticed but dismissed because I was gifted. Like being gifted made everything else okay. Which didn't have good results a few years later. That is what I mean by 'stigma' - the same 'stigma' that comes from being female when a lot of people are sexist and ignorant.

I wasn't happy to be gifted when I was little. I wasn't unhappy either. I just was. I didn't know I was gifted until they actually showed us the registered gifted, talented and academic students. Before then I wasn't aware enough of myself compared to others to realise, or to care either way. I was 14 by then, and yes I was happy to be gifted, then. But that doesn't diminish the fact that being so was why I wasn't given the right support during my education.


The idea of one marriage terrifies me, let alone three.

When I was little I thought all people got married. It was just a fact of life that at some point you had to get married. I was so relieved when I got older and realised that that is not so.

I'm not much of a girl to begin with. The only thing that's scary about me is my emotions--or rather, lack thereof. If you can get past that, my obvious obsession with Latin, math and logic, and debating, there's no reason to fear me. I don't even know if I have PMS, or when I might have it.

A lot of NT's have mistaken me for a guy.

Heck Benji, I don't think I'd ever get married lol. Could my paranoia handle it?

I don't mean offend anyone, but some small girls I know are really scary. They yell at you and bites you in the face. If your lucky, you might get away with puch in the ribs. This is especially when you mention their small.

WoW! that set something going...Is it safe to come out yet? I left when the first girl posted... Did KittenFluffies show up? *shakes*... But seriously people, I learnt more than from any books I've read. Thanks for contributing. Now to put it into practice... Will report back...