Extreme discomfort with gifts, being center of attention.

Post Reply New Topic

Yes. Unless it's my husband. I feel comfortable around him pretty much always. He understands me.

I don't mind gifts, but it's hard to work up the surprise and enthusiasm it should bring. But then, at my advanced age, I'm still doing Xmas lists for the parental units, so there's not much thrill when you tick things off...

I tend not to have much enthusiasm about myself, even though I just got told I'm up for employee of the Month..

I can't open presents around people. I get nervous for some reason!

The way I've got around telling people what I want is to have a carefully updated wishlist on amazon. Throughout the year, if I see a book that looks interesting, I add it to my wishlist. (I also have a wishlist on www.shop4dinosaurs.co.uk because prehistoric life is my current obsession.) When I'm in the right kind of mood, I browse through amazon and pick things that look interesting (I absolutely love catalogues and can look at them for hours, so this is kinda fun) and add them to the wishlist. Now everyone knows to look at my amazon wishlist instead of asking me.

The issue is partly that my mum doesn't like cooking or using the computer. Maybe we should have an aspie-friendly set of rules about buying gifts. I think the issue is that my mum sees a gift as a message rather than a gift - I think that's quite an NT thing to do. She's trying to read between the lines - and my dad just doesn't put anything there. So the message she gets from a saucepan is "You don't spend enough time cooking." The very worst one was a parking sensor that my dad got her. A few weeks before that she had hit the back of the car on a bollard and put a dent in it. So my dad bought her an automatic parking sensor for Christmas to stop it from happening again. He thought he was helping her out, but she saw the message behind the gift as "you can't park."

With my dad I'm trying to get across the message that if a gift is purely functional, it shouldn't be given for Christmas or a birthday. So I'll say: "I think that you should buy her that London A-Z, since hers is worn out. If you just buy it for her, for no particular occasion, and say that you've noticed that hers is worn out, she'll appreciate it. If, however, you buy it for her for her birthday, she'll get very cross with you." He doesn't understand why that should be the case, and I can see where he's coming from, but it will do their relationship a lot of good!

Thankfully I've never had to buy Christmas gifts or birthday gifts, my family has always accepted that as being me.

And whenever I get a gift, while I'm thankful, I never smile, and whoever gives ithe gift gets very upset, even though I try explaining that I am grateful and will enjoy it... bah, whatever.

yeah, my solution was when I stopped having birthday parties when I turned 12. I wanted to sooner, but my mom wouldn't let me.

My baby shower was pretty painful. Watching every. single. person. watching me, watching my reaction to each gift, listening to what I say about each gift. OHHHH GOD THE HORROR. I had no way to cope, so I don't know what to say. I just went through the motions and tried not to think about it, couldn't wait until it was over.

Not to mention all the thoughts of "what if I don't get the wrapping paper off fast enough or can't open something, everyone's going to think I'm an idiot"

The mouth of the gifthorse topic

When I was a child i did not mind Christmas gifts because I could take them to my room. By and large the gifts were useful, and I always liked the sweets. Then I would write the thank-you notes. (I hated to telephone).

But birthdays! I mean, the people stand around and wait for the reaction so they can smugly smile. No. Any of these centre of attention celebrations (including showers, weddings, graduations, Christmas parties and the like) are a complete drag and unwelcome. I do not like the Christmas gift thing as an adult. I have received too many recycled gifts that should have been given to the less fortunate if they were not wanted by the original receiver.

Put me into the hates to receive gifts group. I don't much like giving them either, but truthfully, that has a lot more to do with the reason I don't like receiving them (I can never be sure the recipient really likes them). I hate having to appear to like something when all I want to do is say what the f*** am I supposed to do with THAT?! !? Or, what in the world EVER gave you the idea I would LIKE that???! !

That said, there are rare people who have given me gifts that I truly do like. But I can't help but feel that even then the giver was disappointed by my reaction, or lack thereof. I'm so used to having to school my reaction to a LACK of reaction, that even when I love it, it doesn't show.